I hate social smokers.

There is something very annoying about people who light up just because those around them do. These people aren’t normally smokers, and don’t smoke in their free time–they only do it when people are around, and when they know they will be seen.

How do you know if you’re a social smoker? Answer a question: Do you smoke when no one is around? If the answer is no, then you’re pathetic. If the answer is yes, then you’re the “correct” type of smoker…if there ever was a category for people who smoke because they’re addicted.

The idea of people smoking because their friends do, or when they’re in public strikes me as being kind of funny: Are you really so retarded that the only way people will find you entertaining is if you mimic their bad habits? Do you lack a personality to the point where putting a stick in your mouth and blowing out smoke makes you seem a little less like a waste of skin?

I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, make-believe was game played by kids…and at least they do it with class.

And don’t give me that “people change” crap. Oh yes, I’m a different person from the one you knew before—I now smoke. That makes me a grown-up. Lame. Lame. Lame.

OMG you people are losers. Social smokers are the biggest frauds ever. Who has ever heard of someone smoking because they want to be accepted? That’s the most horrible reason for conformity I’ve ever heard.

I don’t smoke (obviously), and I really don’t intend to because (1) I don’t want premature wrinkles, (2) I like being able to do physical activity without huffing like a fucking invalid, and (3) I like knowing I’m not one of those losers who still believes that smoking is trendy. You want to be trendy? Go be gay. That’s healthier.

The Typical Ugly Asian Girl

Typical Ugly Asian Girls are all the same:

1. They are usually fat (uncommon for most Asian women)

2. They wear skanky clothes even though they’re fat.

3. They have hair that’s bleached red, brown, or blonde–and their roots are ALWAYS showing.

4. They have big noses.

5. They wear thick mascara.

6. They wear even thicker eye shadow in colors like periwinkle, silver, or white.

7. Their eyebrows are tweezed into this weird, high arch typical of isoscles triangles.

8. The Kicker: they think they’re so beautiful that they put up pictures of themselves in model-like poses. Every picture is of them…only them…being ugly.