I sort of lost track of what’s going on in the news because school has inevitably forced me to decrease my consumption of television news programs (but strangely I have found lots of time to watch “Bernie Mac” reruns…hmm). So if possible, can someone please enlighten me on the following:

1. What’s the big deal behind the CIA leak?
2. Miers’ nomination
3. Recent natural disasters (particularly that earthquake everyone’s talking about)

Thanks.

While I’m at it–I received NO COMMENTS on my awesome entry about farting on my cats. By “awesome” I mean “boring,” and by “boring” I mean “you would have been retarded to comment on my entry.”

My cats are even more entertaining now that winter has forced them into hibernation, and they must cuddle with me for warmth:

Haha! Because cuddling together doesn’t provide as much warmth as my farts under a blanket.

I’m sure the dutch oven is listed somewhere as animal cruelty.

Also, I found this on someone’s Xanga:

For any of you lawyers out there who understand subject matter jurisdiction:

Betty wants to sue two airlines for anti-competitive behavior. However, the federal statute only allows the Department of Justice the right to sue companies who engage in this type of behavior. Betty wants to sue for a state-law cause of action. She does not share citizenship with any of the defendants, and she seeks $1000 in compensatory damages and $100,000 in punitive damages. Does the federal district court in the forum state have subject matter jurisdiction over Betty’s case (note: none of the defendants are citizens of the forum state)?

So far I think I know…

1) Betty has diversity jurisdiction.

2) Betty does not have federal question jurisdiction.

So does Betty have supplemental jurisdiction? How could that happen if only the DOJ has a private right of action under the federal statute?

ARGH! What is this?!?

Why does “extraordinary” mean “beyond what is ordinary or usual” when the two words that create it, “extra” and “ordinary” would suggest something that is very, very ordinary? Extra ordinary.

I have decided on another new business venture!

I should be a Grammar Specialist for foreign-made products that feature English words. For instance…would this shirt look so much nicer if it had better—EVERYTHING?

It should be: The technique to getting stoned is the use of Marijuana! Correct spelling aids in educating the masses about proper drug use!

It should be: For your grand new days. Because no one wants to use a toilet cleaner on a bland day!

Should be: Relive the relief of listening to the Angel’s whisper. The correct spelling really makes you want to go out and eat some chocolate & biscuit, no?

It should be…just the way it is! Who does not love fragrant, favorful nuts?

Check www.engrish.com for more gems.

Happy Birthday

LORETTA WANG!!!

You are 21 years old!

I love my sister. We’re as close as sisters can be, and I tell her everything. She always cheers me up when I am sad, and knows what to say and do to make me feel better. I don’t think I would be half as decent a person as I am now without my sister in my life.

F*CK XANGA

Those douche bag programmers are giving away the Premium goodies to Classic users for free, making it completely pointless for people like me to shell out $25 a year for features everyone else can now use. They try to make amends for this rip-off scam of theirs by implementing new “features,” such as upgrading our picture accounts to 2 gigs instead of 100 megabytes.  The f*ck do I need 2 gigs of space for? I’ve been here for almost four years, and as Paint-happy as I am, I haven’t come close to using up the original 100 megs of space I recieved when I first became a Premium member.

*Yeah, I know it has a lot to do with my being averse to advertising my life through billions of pictures (because it’s PRETENTIOUS, look it up), and I still stand by my moral of not posting up pictures of myself when I know none of you give a crap about what I do. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE!*

As clueless as I am about business management (4 years at USC down the drain), I do have some idea about the suicidal downward spiral known as “cannibalism.” Yes, that means eating your own kind, but in the business world it stands for when a company eats away profits from one of its products by pitting another product against it. It’s like your left hand competing with your right hand, and the left hand winning—yes, that’s the best analogy I could come up with.

Anyway, in this case, Xanga is making its Classic account better in hopes of attracting new users, but old users have no incentive to buy Premium accounts when Classic accounts are just as good—come to think of it, the new Classic accounts are actually better than the original Premium accounts were.

The give-and-take from this is more like a straight giveaway: Xanga is giving Premium blog accounts away for free, and in exchange is the losing money it could be making off of us stupid Premiums users, who will inevitably stop paying for our accounts and just stick to Classic. Why not? Classic is the old Premium, and people like me, who still live and die by the old Premium ideology, have no use for the added upgrades of new Premium. We could just save money and enjoy Classic.

Seriously, this is the poorest game plan I have ever seen, minus World Com, Enron, and some other companies I don’t care about. I am never paying for my membership again.

1991 megabytes to go

I found this in one of the toilet’s at school on Monday…

That will be the second time I’ve seen unflushed poo in the toilet of a LAW SCHOOL. Yeah, LAW SCHOOL. Last time I checked, potty training was usually accomplished during the early years of a child’s youth, and not when a person’s f*cking 22 years or older.

I tried to give it the courtesy flush because until someone does, that toilet is basically unuseable. But guess what? That sh*t was hard as a rock, and wouldn’t break in half. It just stayed atop the drain.

What the f*ck, ladies? What happened between when you pooped your brains out and put your pants back on that you forgot to flush? Couldn’t you tell from the horrific and potent odor that came out of your ass? Or were you so preoccupied that it slipped your mind to do something you should be used to doing, assuming you usually flush the toilet in your own home.

I just had a conversation about this the other day too—about how many courtsey flushes I have had to do throughout my entire academic career. There was always unflushed waste in the toilets at USC, and from what I heard there were times where the poop completely missed the toilet. It was so unnerving, not because it was biohazardous waste, but because grown adults forgot to flush the toilet on a regular basis. These people want to be taken seriously, yet they can’t even remember that they took a crap and left it there. You f*ckers.

What the hell…what happened to the “look back,” huh? Just look over your shoulder after you’ve put your pants back on and double check to make sure nothing is left in the toilet. No remnants of sani-seat, toilet paper, pad, tampon, or poo. NOTHING SHOULD BE IN THE TOILET WHEN YOU LEAVE. How very time consuming is it to just spend a second to make sure you don’t look like a total caveman after you use the bathroom?

I seriously can’t get over the fact that there are people who don’t remember that they took a dump and just leave it in the bowl of a public restroom. And you know what’s worse? Sometimes it’s just poo in there—-NO TOILET PAPER. What the hell…

Nature: Why We Love it

Don’t know if you can see it, but this is what it looks like when a python swallows a gator—and then bursts open because the gator claws open the python’s stomach in order to break free.

Take that National Geographic!

It is officially October: my sister’s birthday, Halloween, 3 midterms, and the overrated Knotts Scary Farm.

More like…Not Scary Farm.

I go to one of the Knotts events every Halloween, and I scream and cower and hide for a very simple reason: if you don’t force yourself to be afraid, you’ll realize what a sham it is. Thinking realistically it’s just a theme park covered in cobwebs and dry ice steam, and a bunch of “actors” parading around in costumes. If you go in there with that image, then nothing is scary at all…and they you’re just there for no apparent reason. So just suck it up and scream anyway.

I think it would be way scarier if instead of doing the traditional Halloween fanfare, the park changed itself to resemble Tiananmen Square. Pack all the vacationers and kids into the middle of the park, and then drive army vehicles in like they’re going to crush everyone.

Or reenact some scene from World War II. Teach your kids some history while crapping your pants as you run from Communists and Nazis.

Seriously, forget vampires, mummies, and crazy-ass Alice in Wonderlands. What’s scarier than having this chase your ass:

Mao Zedong! Run for your lives!