There’s apparently an outbreak of something called rat lungworm disease going on in Hawaii, with 13 cases having already been confirmed so far this year and all of them being linked to either the Big Island (a.k.a., Hawaii, even though that’s also the name of the state) or Maui. And in case you’re Jeff Sessions, here’s a map of which islands those are:

Thirteen cases doesn’t sound like much, but it’s actually pretty bad when you consider the fact that there were only 11 cases reported in all of 2016, and here we are at 13 and it’s only May 1st. Anyway, rat lungworm disease is caused by gross parasitic nematodes that live in infected rats’ lungs. The nematodes mature and then start their own gross families by laying eggs. The eggs hatch and the larva (ugh) leave home by being shat out of the rat, and then they just hang out all homeless until a hungry slug or snail comes along and decides this steaming pile of rat sh*t would make a great meal. Once eaten by the snail or slug, the larva (ugh) are no longer homeless and continue to grow inside their new home until a hungry rat comes along and decides the nasty snail or slug they live in would make a great meal. This is the ideal situation because rats are the ideal host for these nasty-ass, rat-lungworm-disease-causing, parasitic nematodes, and once ingested into the rat, the larva (ugh) can break out, fully mature, start gross families of their own, and the cycle continues. It’s the circle of life, and it moves us all!

A much less ideal situation is for the larva (ugh) to end up inside something other than a rat–e.g., a human. The good news–if you can call it that–is that the nematodes can’t thrive inside our bodies and will usually die off within a year, BUT not before they totally mess things up by getting all up in the host human’s brain, spinal cord, and eyes, and sometimes even going so far as to cause paralysis, blindness, or death. F*CK YOU, NEMATODES.

But how do these parasitic nematodes end up in humans anyway? Interestingly, it seems that only stage 3 larva (ugh) can infect us, and those are found in the snails and slugs that ate some infected rat sh*t. It appears that the 13 people who have rat lungworm disease either unknowingly ingested infected slugs or snails that were hiding on poorly-washed vegetables or fruits (they’re apparently very tiny), or had eaten something that had been contaminated by snail or slug slime.

The most messed up story I’ve read about people contracting rat lungworm disease was an article I came across a week and a half ago, and it literally made me gasp because it was shockingly f*cked up–so much so that I have to share it with you.

Okay, so…

Note: I guess this kava drink is made from the root of the kava plant, and will supposedly make the drinker feel relaxed without the buzzed feeling you’d experience with alcohol. Wikipedia says the beverage has “sedative, anesthetic, euphoriant, and entheogenic properties,” but I don’t know, it just sounds like some stupid hippie thing. But I digress…

So a group of people were making kava and…

The following day…

Get down wit yo’ relaxed self!

Geezus…can you imagine being one of those 4 people staring at this dead slug and realizing that you just drank cup fulls of the liquid it drowned it? And then to add insult to injury, you’re on one of the two islands that is confirmed to have rat lungworm disease? I’d probably set that entire bowl on fire and then drink gasoline and snort bleach in a desperate attempt to kill those larva (ugh) that are now going to f*cking town on my brain, spinal cord, and eyes.

UGHHH.