What I Learned this Week

1. A man can solicit another man for public-bathroom sex just by tapping his foot.

2. There are police officers whose duties include having to sit in public bathroom stalls.

Everyone should know I’m referring to Senator Larry Craig; if you had no idea of what I was talking about, you should just go ahead and die because you’re a waste of skin. Then again, because I’m a  blessing to humanity here is a video that will explain why the senator is embroiled in a scandal–so don’t die just yet. Do so if you still don’t get it after watching the clip.

Just kidding: I didn’t put up the video for educational purposes. I’m actually a really big fan of Keith Olberman’s and just wanted to immortalize his genius.

At this point, I’m pretty sure being involved in a sex scandal is part of a government official’s duties. Any politician who refrains from doing something naughty is not doing their job properly because it means he/she is not taking advantage of the power the voters have given him/her. And it all goes downhill from there because:

not using political power to get into someone’s pants –> pedophilia

It’s scientifically proven…somewhere.

However, Senator Craig’s story is interesting because he was super anti-gay rights: he opposed gay marriage; he did not want hate crime law to cover incidents that were motivated by anti-gay bias; he was against outlawing employment discrimination based on sexual orientation.

So, for him to be arrested and eventually plead guilty for soliciting sex from a man–what could possibly trump that story? NOTHING. Not the mom who let her 5 year-old-son drive a car because she was too wasted to do so; not Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt; not even the follow-up of news coverage that had been interesting before the Craig news broke (e.g. Michael Vick). Not a freaking thing.