I get it: The pillows had the American flag design on them, but they’re still pillows. And yes, it was nice of the guy to take time out of his delivery schedule to rearrange them. But. They’re. Still. Pillows.

Were there no other adjectives available other than “hero”? That’s a rhetorical question because within the article the word “patriotic” is used, so it’s not like the writer wasn’t aware that “patriot” was a word.

And if rearranging the pillows into the correct order makes one a hero, doesn’t that mean the homeowner–who I am going to go out on a limb and assume is responsible for her household decorations–is the villain in this story? She left her flag pillows out of order! That’s unpatriotic in comparison to the delivery man’s patriotic deed!

“But what if one of her guests did it,” you ask? Then that makes the homeowner an accomplice. “What if a nefarious individual snuck onto her porch and put the pillows out of order,” you aren’t asking but I’m going to pretend you did because I need a transition? Then that Ring footage would be in the news instead, probably with the link title, “Terrorist Puts Stars & Stripes Out of Order. ICE called.”