I’m starting to dislike my Xanga username and my AIM screenname. Once thought to be original, I found out from a friend that it’s actually a very typical Asian username.

Insert crushing blow to the ego here:

I have inadvertently placed myself on the Asian bandwagon.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I really love being Asian—but my pride doesn’t have an external extension. It’s just my mentality, expressed only through words or the things I purchase and sometimes put in awkward places like my cell phone.

Asians, we like to identity ourselves in certain ways. And the world is made up of a lot of us, therefore our attempts at being creative are actually just imitations of someone else…multiply that 1 billion and you get the idea: we’re typically typical.

It was the “Angel” part of my username that kind of put me in that position. Blasted…and here I was thinking I could try to infuse my SN with irony because, with all the hate in me, I’m hardly angelic. Then again, I’m not devilish and I don’t wear very much red.

I should have gone with something race-neutral, like “Water Bottle” or “Eggstraodinary”.

All complaints aside, here are some typical characteristics of Asian usernames (apologies to those who are affected…well, only to those of you I know and like):

1. Baby: or Babee/Babie/other badly spelled variations.

2. Asian: or Azn, Asn/other badly spelled variations.

3. Racial identity: Chinagurl, JapBoy, etc.

4. Gender Identity: Girl/gurl or Boy/Boi and other badly spelled variations.

5. Astrological/Cosmic words: Stars, Moons, Angels (ughh!!), astrological signs

6. Brand Names: PradaLuva or BMWMan, etc.

7. Area codes: 626Booger or 714shopaholic, etc.

8. Anime names: KrazeeKenshin or SakuraSucka, etc

9. Lil: As in “Little”. LilShininStar…LilSnackPack…

Note: I made these usernames up, but if you happen to have one of these names—I guess your choice wasn’t original.

My Poker Face

What would your name have been if you were born the other gender?

Mine would have been Jonathan. Jonathan Wang…? I wonder what kind of boy I would have been.

Here’s the thing with Asian males: you’re either a “nerd” or you’re a hair-spiker. There is nothing in between the two. I’ve seen hair-spikers that wear glasses, but they don’t fare well as well on the books as nerds do. And I’ve seen nerds try to become hair-spikers, but they just look like gangly nerds in oversized clothing.

So I were Jonathan, I’d be either a nerd…or I’d be a super-fly gangsta. But I think I’d be more of a nerd because my parents wouldn’t let me spike my hair if I wanted to.

…

I tiptoed around this for about a week, but I finally succumbed and bought Onimusha 3. Yeah…it’s going to suck. I don’t play action games (except Mario), and the last game I bought that wasn’t turn-based was Parasite Eve. So yes…I am going to be weeping and crying and tearing my eyes out. I hope it’s not scary though because I’m going to have to return it if it is anywhere near Silent Hill status.

…

I have 53 subscribers, but I’ve never gotten more than 8 comments on an entry. I notice you guys have a preference for my angry writings with pictures over my personal entries without pictures. Hmm…what does that mean?

The world is made for those with acerbic wit. And we’re all innately bitter.

Why I hate bicyclists:

I have never, and will never, hide the fact that I don’t know how to ride a bike. Nevertheless, my disability does not prevent me from understanding the laws of bicycling in public streets.

There are sidewalks and specifically designated bike lanes…and roads are even made wide enough so that a bicyclist may travel off to the side of the street and still allow drivers enough space to move their cars.

And yet, despite all these freedoms, bicyclists cannot help but RIDE THEIR BIKES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKIN’ ROAD, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A MOVING VEHICLE!

I say this as a frustrated driver who has spent many tiring moments driving around USC, trying to find parking, during high-traffic hours (AKA school days). It’s amazing how careless or thoughtless some of these bastards on bikes can be. I have had to make numerous stops, 80% of them sudden stops, because a biker has decided that it would be faster to travel in front of my car, while I’m still moving, and cut across to the sidewalk on their way to school.

And should I hit them for being stupid, it is still my fault, isn’t it? Even though they’re the ones who decided to ride a bike in front of my car, in an area they’re not supposed to be in, just because it saves them two extra minutes.

Here’s an idea: Want to get somewhere faster? LEAVE EARLIER…assholes.

Yes, those ARE poison darts.

Yeah, that’s the best I can do.

I moved out of my apartment yesterday, and am going to pick my mommy up from the airport later on today. It’s coming down to the wire now, folks. In less than 24 hours I’ll finally be able to put one of those nice “USC Alumni” license plate things on my car.

It leads me to think about my high school graduation, and how little I cared about it.

I really hated high school and everyone in it…thus, I viewed my high school commencement as more like the government’s way of preventing me from finally attaining freedom.

It’s different now. I don’t hate anyone in my graduating class (I just find some individuals to be great wastes of skin), and I’m actually sad to leave.

But you know what’s pathetic? I graduated from high school four years ago, and I’m graduating from college tomorrow—but there are people in my class of 2000 who haven’t even started college, and probably never will under the pretenses: “I’m starting my own business, bra”; “I got stuff to do, bra”; “I’m legally retarded, bra.”

…

I am really disappointed in American Idol, and will no longer watch it. It was entertaining during the auditions, and somewhat entertaining after the really crappy people finally got voted off—but now it’s starting to get really lame. I have only watched 4 episodes from this season (that’s a lot for me), and I’m really starting to believe 2 things:

1. Americans do not like talent.

2. The residents of Hawaii are the only people who actually vote.

I’m sorry, but Jasmine Trias sucks. I don’t say this because I hate Hawaii, and I don’t think I can do better…what I am doing is comparing her to other singers and she is not as good as they are. Latoya London should have won this year, but I don’t know what the fuck happened that caused her to be voted off. I guess it’s because people like warbly, pitchy voices? Or maybe there is a growing fanbase for people who like to wear flowers behind their ears?

I think the eventual downfall of American Idol is that the actual winners won’t be able to compete in the real music industry because they were chosen based on popularity and not on their abilities. Thus, when they finally do come out with albums, they won’t be successful because their staying power is now based on how well they compete with bonafide recording artists rather than fellow contestants. And the show’s credibility for being able to find American’s hidden talents will start declining as crappier people win.

Snow boots are supposed to keep your feet warm when you are walking around in, what else? SNOW. Eskimoes are generally seen wearing them, along with a fishing pole and some dead salmon, I suppose. Scientists in Antarctica also wear them when they go out and do their research.

So why the fuck are people in currently hot-as-hell Los Angeles wearing SNOW BOOTS?!?

Meet the Ugg Boot, or as I like to call them, the UGGLIEST BOOTS EVER.

Kate Winslet, being a dumbass by wearing snow boots when there’s no damn snow.

I am so hateful of these “fashionable” boots, and it drives me crazy to see people on campus, right here at USC, wearing them in 76 degree weather. And these dumb girls couple them with, of all things, summer dresses. Isn’t that the ugliest shit ever? The fuck are you people thinking?

The last time it snowed in LA was in January 1949. If you were around then, it would be acceptable for you to have snow boots now because you needed it 55 years ago.

But if you’re a 20-something who owns a pair because you saw that retard Cameron Diaz wearing them around Rodeo Drive, you need to shoot yourself in the face. Or call me:

I will chainsaw that shit right off for you.

Dumbasses.

More things I hate:

1. I hate it when someone is sitting in a lecture hall, and decides to stretch his, ugly, hairy-ass arm out by putting it on the back of neighboring seats. It’s like he’s putting his arm around someone’s back, but not. It’s so horrible and annoying.

2. I hate girls who not only talk about stupid shit (today I was with so and so, and you don’t know them, but who cares because I do…blah blah), but use that retchedly awful “Valley Girl” accent. I know people who are from the Valley, and they are some of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met…and they DO NOT talk like some dirty-ass surfer. But there are girls who have that dumb accent where when they say words such as “like” it sounds like “Laiiiike,” with the long, drawn out “i”. And “seriously” becomes “seri-uhs-leeh”. Stupid bitches.

And ugh to the unibrow…the ones that aren’t really touching, but are SOOOO DAMN CLOSE together that at any given moment, a connecting hair could spring between the brows and combine them. What is this? Do you not know that you have one hideously long brow? Or did your mother lie to you, like she has all your life, and told you what a “handsome young man” you are?