absolutangel64

I have occassionally been the lucky recipient of clockwork bowel movements–and nothing is more liberating than having to poo at the same time every day. This usually happens whenever I come back from Hawaii or Taiwan…and for some reason, I’ll have to take a dump every morning. It’s refreshing…rejuvenating…and takes a load (pun intended! pun intended!) off my mind (but let’s not read that into meaning I believe my mind is equivalent to my butt).

However, apparently my body feels that I deserve some form of punishment for—I don’t know what. And thus, lately I have had to poo in the middle of the night. It’s becoming quite the distraction…I’ll be dreaming that I’m sitting in a law school exam, and the subsequent oppression starts to manifest itself in the form of physical pain. But when I wake up, I’ll realize the pain comes from a large mass of gas forming in my intestines–a sign that I need to poop NOW.

So here’s what I’m thinking…my intestines took a vacation to Zimbabwe or something…and so now they’re jetlagged. Hence, when they feel the need to drop some baggage, they’re running on Zimbabwe time—which is equivalent to midnight in California (naturally, I didn’t bother to calculate this).

My intestines better get it together SOON, or else I’m going to have to start taking some action on my own: spicy-ass food (not, “ass food” as in suppositories…it’s more as in “really spicy”).

I am a genius!