A few nights ago, while I was driving home on the freeway, I became involved in a car race. I don’t know how or why this happened, since I was too busy trying to decide what I wanted to get from McDonald’s for dinner (choosing between a Filet-o-Fish and a Big Mac: the ultimate test). However, I guess my very dirty, 13-year-old Honda Civic appeared extremely threatening to the driver of the shiny, blue ricified car that was in the next lane. And thus, he stepped on his gas and sped by—announcing his victory to all via the fart-knocking noises coming from his upgraded exhaust pipe.
You know that is probably the extent of his racing career, i.e., speeding past people who don’t give a rat’s ass that he’s trying to reenact scenes from “The Fast and the Furious.” Although he outfitted his car with expensive parts to make him a more formidable racer, he’ll never actually race his car because of those expensive parts. As in, he won’t make use of any of his upgrades for fear of causing damage and depreciation to them. That makes about as much sense as hiring a ninja to beat up people in a super stealthy and cool fashion, but not having him do it because you don’t want his outfit to get messed up. So instead you have him following you around school and the mall, occasionally throwing a shuriken when people are looking.
Therefore, I have to ask: what the hell was the point of doing all that sh*t to your car in the first place? Please, explain it to me because right now I just think it’s extremely asinine and totally poser to put in all that money for this:
What the f*ck is this hideous piece of crap?
Admittedly, I don’t understand the whole rice burner/rice rocket culture. I didn’t even know what those terms meant when I first heard them. I thought people were talking about cheap rice cookers (like the one I bought in college…damn you, Martin Yan! I trusted you!) and rocket-fuel made from rice. Of course, I later learned that this was ricification jargon when I started working at Tapioca Express, which—like all milk tea places—was a hub for the Asian kids and their fugly-ass, modified cars.
Therefore, it is quite possible that within the ricified community it is actually a sign of awesomeness to have to lumber over speed bumps because your body kit is only an inch off the ground—and still end up scraping the bottom even though you’re going at 0.5 miles an hour. And perhaps you really do need that wing to temper the wind whenever you drive circles through parking lots and pretend to be looking for a space. Plus, how pointless would it be to leave your hood open for no reason if you didn’t have cool import parts to show off? You’d just look like someone who had legitimate engine troubles, and not a badass who needs to justify having all those Japanese auto parts put into a car he drives to the supermarket.
absolutangel64 
lol I love how you rip apart all the people who pimp out their vehicles in this blog! Very entertaining. I’ve never been into that stuff myself, I can understand why some guys do it though. It’s a guy thing. Well, more like it’s an ego thing. Anyway, idiots like that aren’t helping our gas prices much with that behavior. I get pissed off when people waste gas like that. Us Americans tend to be so wasteful!
OH my god. I am SO printing a copy of this entry and sticking it inside the glove compartment of my brother’s car. Genius.
TAPIOCA EXPRESS… near the pinnacle of asian-ness. Extremely satisfying after spending a year in Africa where I was unable to quench my thirst for snow bubbles, crispy chicken, and Chinese Culture Club meetings featuring karaoke.
too many rice rockets on the freeways for sure đ I was driving behind one today in long beach.. and this one was a rice rocket TRUCK.. i couldn’t see the wheels bc it was so low… i secretly wanted a brick to magically appear and mess up that lil truck’s “body kit”A TRUCK!! riced? ugh
I always wondered how ricers got over speeding bumps without ruining their crappy add-ons…
Yeah, I always wondered how ricers go over speedbumps without damaging the bumpers. Now I know that it’s impossible.P.S. You may like The Machine Girl. Trailer on my page =]EDIT: Oh my god, I didn’t realize my comment was nearly identical to adifferentkindofbeautiful’s. I swear I didn’t read it beforehand.
@sexybish666 – Hahaha! What a coincidence! I didn’t even notice that!
Ricer? Ricified? What the? I hate low clearance cars. Apparently, my MommyVan has that same problem. Is it *Ricified?* ha ha ha ha
Haha, illustrations so funny and true!
Stupid pimped out micturating whack rears.