My annual gynecology exam is coming up. Yay…time to go get a clamp shoved up my privates and my insides swabbed (although, it actually feels more like a scraping than a swabbing…they must use pumice shards instead of Q-Tips or something). It’s not a horrible experience or anything; it’s just a bit of a hassle to have to lie there in a freezing cold examination room with nothing on but a paper gown while the doctor feels your uterus. At least my gynecologist is cool. She always tells me two things: (1) get lots of calcium in my diet, and (2) do those Kegel exercises. She says they’re healthy, but what she really means is “tighter va-jay-jay, tighter leash.” She’s great! It almost makes me look forward to my checkups.
You’ve got to wonder though: how do gynecologists deal with rotten poontang? I can’t even deal with photos of them–and thus scored an “F” on my final report for sex ed. I was supposed to research gonorrhea, but instead wrote about the clap…as in, the noise you make when you slap your hands together. I don’t care! I’ll take the “F,” even an “E,” if it means I don’t have to see any pictures of stank, diseased vagina! Ugh, can you imagine having to look at one? The smell alone could kill you (and no, this is not based on personal experience; common sense is enough to tell you that a wiggidy-wack vagina does not smell like flowers). And then having to check the insides with a swab? That Q-Tip better be two feet long or else the patient is just going to be sent home with a box of douche.
I wonder if gynecologists feel grossed out about certain vaginal afflictions. Maybe not the same way I do because I’m easily repulsed by busted birthing holes, but there must be some forms of crotch rot that doctors find extremely heinous and never want to deal with. And maybe on days where most of the patients have issues, the doctors have to draw straws to see who gets stuck with the worst one:
P.S. What’s the man’s equivalent of a gynecological exam?
absolutangel64 
They get a cotton swab stuck up their penis for a sample and then a finger up their butt for the prostate part of the exam and then their balls inspected for lumps. Excuse the crude wording, I like to put it frankly. But I think males are easier patients than females because females squirm around too much. And the worst one is probably AIDS.
Also, if I know it’s gonna stink, I make sure to put on a mask before going down there for the assessment and double glove cause it wouldn’t be pretty if the first glove broke.
Never had one. One time I had to get a full physical, and was praying with everything I had in me, “Please God, don’t let him examine my boy parts. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!” He didn’t and I was eternally grateful.