I. The Movie Quoter
He insists he’s making his dad “an offer he can’t refuse” when he asks to borrow $ 20, and says “I’ll be back” even though he’s just going to the bathroom. He can’t say “is nice” or “high five” without the Borat accent, and really likes to interrupt people with, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A,” “Look! I’m Zippy Longstocking,” “When a problem comes along, you must zip it,” and “Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple?” He is the Movie Quoter, and you should avoid him because he is annoying as hell.
The problem with Movie Quoters is that they tend to recite movie lines that don’t have anything to do with whatever you’re talking about. It’s like they get all Tourettesy or something, because they just hurl quotes that don’t fit anywhere in the conversation. You could be talking about kittens, and the Movie Quoter will suddenly blab, “Say ‘hello’ to my little friend!” and then pull some lint out of his pocket. Now what? You’re stranded in the middle of a WTF moment!
II. The Problem Sufferer
When you first hear a Problem Sufferer talk, you’d think she was the most unfortunate person on Earth because of all the tragedies she experiences—one after another, like a never ending chain of misery.
But if you listen carefully, you’ll quickly realize the Problem Sufferer isn’t just talking about her current problems—she’s also complaining about old problems that have already been resolved, and even nonexistent ones that may never occur. She wants to talk about them all, all the damn time. And just when you think you’ve heard the last problem, she starts over and begins retelling all her current, old, and nonexistent problems. And it’s not like she wants your advice because, if she did, she would give you an opportunity to respond. But she’s not letting you get a word in. No, she just wants you to sit there and listen to her freak out until you die…and chances are, you’ll be dead way before she stops talking.
III. The Bad Joke Teller
Also known as the “Dane Cook,” Bad Joke Tellers don’t tell jokes…they tell b*tch slaps. They b*tch slap your sense of humor and then wonder why you’re offended.
The Bad Joke Teller likes to ruin a good laugh by telling a joke of his own—a joke that is so bad you can’t even pretend it’s funny. And he has no idea you’re not laughing because the joke sucks ass; he thinks you don’t understand his comedic genius, and will then start explaining the joke to you. Too bad his punch line flat lined…as did your interest in being anywhere near him.
IV. The Baby-Voice Talker
The Baby-Voice Talker is someone who is no longer a baby, but who alters her voice so that she sounds like one when she talks (e.g., Paris Hilton).
To be clear: just because you’re a non-baby who talks with a baby voice doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the type of Baby-Voice Talker people should avoid. There are actually a number of situations where using a baby voice won’t result in society ostracizing your ass.
Acceptable Baby Talk
– You’re talking to a baby.
– You’re talking to your pets that you treat as your babies.
– You’re mocking someone who is talking like a baby.
– You’re a voice actor, and your character is a baby.
Unacceptable Baby Talk
– All other situations.
The Baby-Voice Talkers I’m referring to are those who practice unacceptable baby talk. These people use their baby voices to talk to everyone, regardless of the circumstances. Talking to your doctor? Baby talk. Answering a professor’s question? Baby talk. Interviewing for a job? Baby talk.
I don’t understand why Baby-Voice Talkers do this. Do they think we find the grating sounds of their fake baby voices cute? That it makes them look attractive? Because the only people who would find that sexy are pedophiles. Not exactly the hottest target audience…
Anyway, you should avoid being around Baby-Voice Talkers because listening to them causes brain damage and kills small animals
absolutangel64 
Oh man. I friggin’ hate quoters. All kinds. Anime and meme quoters are even worse than the movie ones.Argh.HATE.
Love this, and love the drawings! “hasta la vista, baby”
Like always, your blog rocks.
Oh em gee! I’ve been friends with ALL of them! You should add the ones that talk in ‘text speak’ (omg stfu i g2g ttyl bai bish)
Hahaha! My mom is guilty of being a bad-joke-teller…
Haha agreed. Encountered all of those.
Ha, thanks. A meme is an internet in-joke, like all your base or I can haz cheeseburger or rickroll or over five thousand.
I laughed all the way through this (love the drawings, too!) and made a mental list of all of the people I’ve known that fit into these categories.You did an excellent job!
ROFL! this blog post was the highlight of my day. hahahaha~~
Haha… love the drawings. I haven’t encountered too many baby-talkers in real life, but I wonder if they suffer from paraphilic infantilism (i.e., adult babies). Now THAT is some weird stuff.
Lol awesome 😛
That last picture is pure WIN
I once met a marine that spoke primarily in movie quotes.Big huge guy. Though he was funny sometimes. Like when anyone was in his way he’d say “out of the way peck” because almost everyone was a dwarf in size compared to him.
The boss in The Office falls easily into one and three. Incidentally, I’ve spent a lot of time this summer watching all the way through 4 seasons of that show and can’t think of much else… you don’t see me quoting it though, because I like to think I’m not a tool.
There are people with natural baby voice because of growth problems in their throat and all that; I think Paris Hilton is one of them. But there are people who think baby voice is cute, thus fake it–now that is annoying. Hmm, I wonder, what if a guy does it?
OMG, your bottom picture had me cracking up. Baby talk is not for public use.
keke. i’m probably the one with the bad jokes. hahah.
LOL. ugh, bad joke tellers. >_> Sometimes I find it useful that they tell bad jokes.
1: I learned to deal with that type of person. Sometimes, they get it right, so no harm no foul.2: You left out one crucial aspect: This type of person also complains about problems long after they have had the knowledge, advice, experience, and ability to solve the same problem. Like, they endure the shit after the advice you’ve given them just to be able to have something to talk about. After dealing with that kind of shit for so long, I learned to just embrace the drama and say the same shit over and over again. Sure, it’s drab and doesn’t make for real good conversation, but if they don’t move on, why should I right?3: Some people just have a bad sense of humor. Sure, the jokes suck, but is it wrong to blame them for attempting to be funny?4: LMAO! I have never met those people in real life yet that don’t use baby talk in wrong situations (save a couple in a relationship). I can imagine a professor getting baby talk from a girl in inorganic chemistry.
baby voice talkers ! ugh!hehe I love the drawing
Since this is a day of honesty, I’ll admit I’m completely a problemsufferer…Trust me it annoys even me when I hear myself bitching about problems but once I start, I can’t stop for some reason….however I have gotten a lot better and learned to keep my mouth shut….(oh and I also have learned to take advice from people, it really helps)Other than that the baby voice kills me, once at a drive thru, the girl on the speaker had a baby voice, I could barely spit out my order I was so annoyed, and then she wanted to chat me up when I came up to the window to pay…1 and 3 are usually traits found in the same people. If they tell a bad joke, chances are you will hear them misquote a movie or use a quote inappropriate…oh and I used to date a guy who used to speak primarily in meme….notice I said used to, as in not anymore.
I am the Movie Quoter, my ex- and current girlfriends are the Problem Sufferers, and a guy I used to work with was dating the Baby-Voice Talker (and she was the most annoying person I’ve ever had the displeasure of being around). Well stated, as always.I would also like to extend the Movie Quoter to the “YouTube quoter.” My girlfriend and her daughter are notorious for randomly quoting YouTube videos that pretty much only they have seen. I always get lost in this maddness.
I’m the 6th person to say so, but… love the drawings. And that goes double for the bottom one. I’ve been blessed to not know many/any of these types, but I’ve known annoying people before – and disappeared. And will again.
LOL!! ahhahahaha
excuse me..you forgot one..is acceptable to use baby talk with your SO..
i think #2 and 4 are the worst. i think a lot of bad joke tellers limit themselves after awhile.
The last time I quoted a movie, I kicked my brother down the stairs and yelled “THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!!”
My most difficult thing to do happened 3.456 seconds ago. I looked at the last drawing while in a class, and struggled to keep my laughs unobserved and silent. Difficult, very difficult.
I know I’m #2. But I don’t shovel my problems on real people. I shovel ’em all on my blog and have gotten over a LOT of them that way. I have friends who are #2s and can’t help but share all their traumas with the rest of the world. You lose a lot of friends and potential mates by just saying how problematic you are. Eh. If this were a younger me I’d probably get all crass and butt hurt… But I’m older and a lil wiser now.besides, I need the energy to escape the movie quoters and the bad joke tellers. They’re everywhere.
even baby-talking to your pets can get to be too much… ick.
The Baby-Talker ones are by far the worst. There is no logical reason as to why they’re talking to people of their own like that. None.
Ha, this was awesome. ❤
is the person in subject “japanese”? – they always do the baby talk on the phone… or when talking at their part time job to clients… – movie quotes “probably come from japanese movies that I’ll never watch… sigh…” – my secretary is always crying about her tiny problems… lol, she gets better when the clock point 5 pm…- bad joke teller… japs… they call it “KY” short for KUKI YOMENAI… meaning a person who can’t read the situation…btw some japs are good…
What about people who do relevant movie quoting?
Holy shit.Imagine a person that is all 4. Is that even possible?Knock, knock.Who’s there?I’ll be back. :DI’ll be.. (wtf..) back.. who?I’ll be back after my life stops sucking (except this sentence goes on forever). :(/baby voice.owwwwwwww.