absolutangel64

I’ve had the pleasure of receiving a “first!” comment on a few of my posts. I’ve only ever seen them on websites with very high-traffic, and have thus always regarded them as a sort of prestigious honor given only to the elite. So to have someone care enough about my blog to actually leave a “first!” comment is seriously an honor that I appreciate immensely. I even feel a bit guilty sometimes because I don’t think I deserve such an accolade. It’s like giving me an Oscar for successfully lying to my parents, or awarding me with the Nobel Peace Prize for breaking up a tussle between two angry sea cucumbers—I feel so unworthy!

The “first!” comment has got me wondering: why isn’t there a “last!” comment? Being the first person to leave a comment on a website that will end up with hundreds of comments is tough, but being the very last person to leave a comment seems tougher. Unlike the “first!” comment, the “last!” comment requires you to constantly be on high alert because at any moment, you could find yourself bumped up a spot by a new “last!” commenter. And when everyone sees that you wrote “last!” when it turns out you’re actually second to last, they’ll all think of you as the guy who was lulled into a false sense of security and let his guard down. To the rest of the world, you’re just a Little Leaguer trying to play with the pros—you can’t hang.

And isn’t vying for the last spot much more exciting than fighting for the first? Imagine: you, bent over in front of your screen and hitting the refresh button every few seconds in search of the next person who dares to take your title of “last!” commenter away. And then, when a new commenter has bumped you up a slot and becomes the new reigning last placer, you obliterate his achievement by putting up a new “last!” comment of your own. Mwahahahahaha!