Monthly Archives: March 2011

by
Thursday March 31, 2011

When you are having trouble buying a gift for a friend or family member, the best way to go is to ask the recipient a question–and it’s not “What do you want for your birthday/Christmas/whatever.” That one is okay as long as you don’t mind giving someone money as a present, because that’s what they’re going to respond with 99% of the time. But if you’d rather give the recipient an item, the best question to ask is actually “What do you not want for your birthday/Christmas/whatever?” People just seem to have an easier time telling you what they don’t want as opposed to what they do, you know? It’s almost as if they’ve got their sh*tty gift lists burned into the forefront of their brains.

What’s that? You want to know what’s on my sh*tty gift list? No? I just made up that question because I couldn’t come up with a better transition? Whatever…I’m going to tell you what’s on my list anyway because it only consists of one item. One–and it’s not a pile of human doots shaped to look like a chocolate cake. Honestly, I would rather get a doot cake than be gifted with this:

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A mini cactus! Ughhhhhh…

Mini cactuses are the worst gifts you could give. Whenever I see one, I can’t help but think “Wow, that is incredibly useless.” I mean, what purpose do they serve? They aren’t fun to look at, and unless you live inside a Taco Bell, they don’t do anything to improve the interior decor of your home. What’s the point? And yes, I know they’re cute at first, but that reaction only occurs when you don’t own any. If your personal space is cacti-free, and the only time you’re ever stuck in a room with one is when you’re buying plant feed from Home Depot, you’re not going to realize how much dead weight the mini cactus really carries.

But it is a completely different situation when someone gives a mini cactus as a present. Now you’re stuck with it; now it’s gone from being a cute novelty item to a prickly piece of sh*t that’s all up in your personal space.

“Oh, but it’s the thought that counts, Sylvia! You’re being really ungrateful!” Unfortunately, that argument doesn’t work when the extent of the thought process involved is this:

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The average person puts more thought into taking a dump than he does when choosing to give someone a mini cactus.

Considering how utterly useless these gimp cactuses are, I’m pretty sure the only person who’d give you one is someone who hates you—and the card attached would say “Thank you for being a friend” (name that theme song!) “I saw this little cactus at a mall kiosk that also sells cell phone cases and fake designer purses and thought it was perfect for you—you prickly old b*tch!”

I haven’t received a mini cactus from anyone, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been lulled into any false sense of security that my entire life will be mini cactus-free. Hell no. Those things are, like, dirt cheap, and their initial cuteness makes them attractive last-minute gifts. Realistically, I don’t think there is any possibility of me successfully avoiding such a worthless present.

As much as I dislike them, however, if someone does end up giving me a mini cactus someday, I’m not going to toss it in the garbage or anything. I know it’s just a plant, but it still seems cruel to throw it away like that. I would rather try to make use of it–and if it gets mashed in the process, then at least it happened while I was getting some utility out of it.

And guess what? I’ve already come up with some creative ways to use the mini cactus I might someday receive! Why wait for the if-and-when day to arrive, right? I mean, the longer it takes me to come up with some ideas, the more time the mini cactus stays in my personal space. But by planning ahead, I’ll be able to mash the hell out of it right away!

Use #1: Turn it Into a Tool to Punish the Person Who Gave it to You in the First Place

The obvious way to punish the person who gave you the mini cactus is to put it on her chair…but that’s kind of boring. I would rather jazz it up a bit–you know, give this retribution some personality. And what better way to accomplish this than by giving the mini cactus a face and some snarky dialogue!

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See? Now it’s ready to be placed on a chair!

But what if the giver sees the mini cactus before she sits down? Not a problem! Because even though she won’t feel the sting of a bunch of small needles stabbing her ass, she’ll feel the pain of being degraded by a mini cactus with googly eyes!

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Pow! Pow! Facial!

Use #2: Create a Deadly Weapon of Deadliness!

It might sound daunting at first, but you will soon see how simple it is to make your very own Deadly Weapon of Deadliness. In fact, it’s so simple that it can be explained in two pictures:

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That old tube sock you were about to throw away because you lost its twin is now king–no, emperor–of all socks! And this emperor can be swung around like a nunchuck!

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But keep in mind that a tube sock doesn’t have the greatest range…

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Although it would be really fun to put these ideas to work, I still do not want a mini cactus. Give me a doot cake instead.

Posted 3/31/2011 at 3:47 PM
17 Comments

Rec’d for laughs. Thanks, as always. 🙂

Posted 3/31/2011 at 3:52 PM by Prolixity_Split

Lol…I think cacti get hated on a lot more than they deserve.  They’re better than your normal houseplants!

Posted 3/31/2011 at 3:58 PM by a_drunken_cellist

aw, mini cacti and succulent plants are cute. i don’t prefer cacti, but i don’t mind potted plants as gifts.

Posted 3/31/2011 at 4:18 PM by SarahakaHungry
I’d rather spin fire around (poi) like in hawaii than spin around cacti tube socks lol, well I’d feel safer
Posted 3/31/2011 at 4:12 PM by mistermino

Cheapsakes for cheapskates eh?  I still think they’re cute, but I’m rocking the lil bamboo right now.  It brings me happiness.  

Posted 3/31/2011 at 4:12 PM by npr32486

Tube sock of deadliness~ Gotta run to the store and get a cactus~ or just the stinky sock should do!  Btw, I hate getting candles.  I’m allergic to the fragrance, I am semi afraid of fire and I hate clutter in my room.  LOL 

Posted 3/31/2011 at 4:0 PM by Casa_blanca_lilies

ill give u another kitty so u can become cat lady!

Posted 3/31/2011 at 5:19 PM by cbr600

I have half a million things on my shitty gift list…aaand I’ll have to add this one too.

Posted 3/31/2011 at 4:46 PM by eciila

I actually bought one of those mini cacti when I was still working at a sh*tty desk job. Poor thing died within a month and rotted away from the inside out. I wish I had thought of something creative to do with it then rather than dump it into the trash.

Posted 3/31/2011 at 7:28 PM by shoujo
This was a fun read. It really brightened up my morning!
Posted 4/1/2011 at 8:38 AM by McScarry

“Honestly, I would rather get a doot cake than be gifted…”

Actually the “doot” cake is available- except is is called the “fruit” cake that is often re-gifted for decades.
I think a mini cactus is better than re-gifted doot/fruit cake.

Posted 3/31/2011 at 6:16 PM by SoullFire

i don’t have a list of gifts i don’t want, but after reading this i think perhaps i ought to make one. i wouldn’t mind a mini-catcus; i wouldn’t mind any kind of plant. i used to own one when i was a kid, that i bought myself and it lived for about four years before i managed to over water it. oops. 

Posted 4/1/2011 at 9:29 AM by theloniusmarx

I’m gonna pretend I didn’t notice the seriously racist undertones in this post, between your Taco Bell/cactus complaining.

Also, could you make it any more obvious you want a large cactus for your birthday?

Friendly reminder, guys:  Don’t put anything in the old dirty sock after the mini cactus is placed there.

Posted 4/1/2011 at 12:17 AM by niceBrice

Hmmm, I know what your getting for Christmas this year!

Posted 3/31/2011 at 6:55 PM by bamsniko22407

When I had a mini-cactus, it died faster than any normal plant I’ve had!! Damn things ruined my love for all things green and prickly.

Posted 4/1/2011 at 11:24 AM by lilxwunxnxluv

have you ever played that card game munchkin?

Posted 4/4/2011 at 3:27 PM by gorman117

The amount of thought you gave to this plant is impressive. Thank you for the very humourous post. 

Posted 4/1/2011 at 12:24 PM by nov_way
by
Sunday February 20, 2011

So I guess the iPhone 4 was made available on Verizon recently. It seemed to be a big deal for Apple enthusiasts who love the iPhone but hate AT&T. I know a handful of people who had started talking about ditching AT&T back when the iPhone-Verizon deal was nothing more than a rumor. I bet they probably crapped themselves silly once they found out their wishes had been granted.

But despite all the publicity, very few people lined up in front of Apple stores this time around. I think the longest line reported consisted of just 30 people, and they didn’t even show up until the day the phones were on sale.

I don’t know why those 30 people even bothered to line up in the first place–or why so many more people chose to do so when the first iPhone was released…or when one of the “Lord of the Rings” or “Star Wars” movies came out…or when the PS3 was officially on sale. Weren’t those things going to be openly available to everyone? What’s with the extreme measures?

I think the best example of such insanity was the first iPhone. Do you remember that? Technology sluts lined up in front of Apple stores days—days!—before it was released, and just sat around on sidewalks like homeless sh*t bags. They weren’t waiting in line for some life-saving vaccine or anything—they were there for a cell phone. A cell phone! And not even a limited-edition phone either, but a mass-produced one. Sure, it might not have seemed like it initially, but that was likely because Apple was purposely keeping supply low in order to maintain consumer hype. That’s how they do it at clubs, you know? You see a huge line of people waiting to get in, but that’s because there’s no one actually inside the venue. I imagine Apple was doing the same thing with the iPhone. Eventually, however, anyone who wanted a phone would be able to get one. It doesn’t take hindsight to figure this out—that’s simply the life cycle of anything that’s ever been popular.

But these douche-bag technology sluts didn’t want to wait that long, and chose to camp on streets instead. They had enough patience to sit in line for days and days, but not enough to do their waiting at home.

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I don’t get it…well no, that’s not entirely true. I actually do get it, I just think the reasoning is weak. All those people who had piled up outside of the Apples stores weren’t really doing it for the iPhone at all. You know they weren’t. No, what these douche bags were really after—what they were sacrificing their time and dignities for—were the bragging rights that they thought came with being first.

You know that’s always the real purpose behind the stupid sh*t people do just so they can get an iPhone on its first day of release, or so they can see the first showing of a “Lord of the Rings” movie before anyone else does, or whatever. It’s never about the product; it’s always about showing it off–and in the sh*ttiest of ways. Then again, I don’t think it’s even possible to brag about something that’s mass produced other than sh*tily.

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Speaking of bragging sh*tily: I had a classmate who had gotten an iPhone during the first week it was on sale, and was constantly trying to show it off to as many people as he possibly could. He used it to wave at his friends and professors as they passed by, and would have it out on his desk during classes. He also had this annoying habit of loudly complaining about how difficult it was for him to adjust to all the features, e.g., “Ugh! Why would I need to surf the web on my cell phone?” and “I still have so many gigs of free space left even though I’ve got a million songs and movies on my iPhone! I should have just gotten the 4 gigabyte model instead.” One of his friends finally called him out one day and said, “Dude, we get it already!” And without missing a beat, someone from the other side of the room yelled, “Burn!”

Anyway, even if there are bragging rights associated with being first, what happens once supply catches up with demand? Because you know it will, especially in the fiercely competitive technology industry. And once everyone else has an iPhone, no one can tell the difference between someone who bought his a few weeks after opening day, and someone who lived in a dirty adult diaper just to get it on opening day.

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It doesn’t seem worth it at all.

P.S. Sorry for taking so long to post something. I’ve been really busy the past few months…been studying for the California bar exam again. I didn’t pass in June (missed it by a few points!), so I’m retaking it. It will be over on February 24, and I’ll hopefully be back to a more regular Xanga schedule afterwards. Thanks for everything, you guys!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 7:52 PM
29 Comments

hahaa adult diapers at the apple store

Good luck with the bar! I hope you do well so you can come back and entertain us!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:14 PM by joooolie

woohoo! I was first! FIRST! hehe

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:14 PM by joooolie

uhhh, it’s an iPOD not an mp3 player. and you can use google maps on your iphone to figure out how to get to the 5.

u should wait in line for iPAD 2.

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:54 PM by cbr600

Good luck!  In Sylvia we trust!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:19 PM by npr32486

You’re forgetting one big point – when supply catches up to demand, the “I got mine first!” person will be lining up at the store waiting for the next i-version to come out so they can reclaim their bragging rights. I think this is why Apple is constantly updating their products…there’s a lot of money to be made off these “first responders”.

Of course one can always do a TDD (Technical Debbie Downer) attack on them and ask them about the phone’s battery life. They will then become quiet in an attempt to paint the best picture possible in a bad situation. The more “wow” a phone has in electronics, the faster the burn rate when you use them and the shorter the battery life. The sad fact is most folks find their phone dying out mid day if they have the best features turned on…and wind up using the phone primarily to “demo” it to others versus actively using all the nice features on a regular basis. 

I’m shocked you didn’t pass the test…especially after passing the one for Hawaii. Tell the truth….where did you spend your time procrastinating when you should have been hitting the books?

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:19 PM by SoullFire

Yeah, I hate lines, so I’ve never felt compelled to stand in line for something that I didn’t have to wait for. Waiting for the bathroom, that’s one thing, but waiting for a phone that I could just buy in two weeks? Or pre-order and have it guaranteed if I was that desperate? No thanks.

Posted 2/20/2011 at 8:33 PM by leaflesstree

ahh… not an early adopter, i see.  i don’t understand those people either, but it takes all kinds to make the world go around.

good luck on your bar exam!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 9:27 PM by Draco20902

that’s funny. though i did wait in line(for a few hours) to get the PS2 when it was released. why? because i paid for it in advance so i could suffer sleep deprivation and be playing the games while others were going into the store to find out if they still had one when the store opened the next day. also waited in line for star-wars(again, hours, not days), but let’s face it, that was just fun. we had lightsaber fights and people were hanging out having a blast, it was grand.

now what was a bit ridiculous was one fellow who threw his folding chair down and ran out of the mall crying when he found out he couldn’t pick up a PS2 because he hadn’t pre-ordered. meh… oh well.

Posted 2/20/2011 at 11:11 PM by ionekoa

good luck sylvia! you’ll be sure to pass it this time =) 

Posted 2/20/2011 at 11:26 PM by mistermino

by the time they come out with the 4 inch screen iphone, that’s when i’ll have my line waiting strategy ready complete with portable toilet bowl and urine to water converter – and of course, for food, i’ll just eat the person in back of me. haha ;P

loved the comics!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 9:30 PM by ThePrince

Bar exam eh?  I supppooooseee that’s a good enough reason.  Always happy to see a post from you!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 10:3 PM by Roadlesstaken

I love it! Oh, and I love my new Android phone…

Posted 2/20/2011 at 9:15 PM by MagisterTom

Brilliant. 

Going out of your way to get ANY gadget exactly when it comes out, or watching a movie on the first day, etc. it’s the ULTIMATE in inane idiocy.  In the grand scheme of things, a gadget or a movie are NOTHING. Absolutely nothing.

I really can’t wrap my head around this kind of idiot.

Posted 2/20/2011 at 9:49 PM by Unstoppable_Inner_Strength

Haha your comics are always so funny. Good luck on your bar exam!

Posted 2/20/2011 at 9:25 PM by hilabpartnerxD

Missed your entries.   Not only am I not patient enough to wait in line for something like this, Im way too cheap.  I mean its marked up like 300%.  What a waste of time and money.

Good luck on your exam!

Posted 2/21/2011 at 1:0 PM by deux02
The things people do in order to be trendy…

Sadly, I find myself afflicted with this at times.

Posted 5/16/2011 at 1:57 PM by RealityChecksMe

Good luck on the bar exam!

While AT&T network drops a lot of calls, the Verizon network isn’t exactly without its hiccups either.  It’s not exactly more bars everywhere… false advertising!

Posted 2/22/2011 at 8:30 PM by yakko1

GAHHHHH…NOT THESE MEMORIES!! NUUU, GO AWAY.

I still have my ghetto phone from 4 years ago. 🙂 My friends are all buying new models and it’s nuts! I just end up stealing their phones to play games. ahhaha.

Posted 2/21/2011 at 10:5 AM by lilxwunxnxluv

Youre post are still damn good 

Posted 3/1/2011 at 2:43 AM by Binh_Bong

They have something called an iPHONE now?!?

Posted 2/21/2011 at 9:31 AM by AloofGoof

I’ve never waited in a line like that. I just don’t understand.

Good luck on the bar!

Posted 2/21/2011 at 6:17 PM by TheCheshireGrins

this is so funny, and its honestly soo true!

Posted 2/21/2011 at 2:10 AM by suuperstar

yeah like a month later but whatever. This made me laugh.
  I’ve had the same phone since 2003. It’s a brick that holds a max of 20 text messages, and lately it has entered death throes, but it works. It calls people. I don’t get how people can be impressed with someone with the latest technology; i can be impressed with the hardware, sure, but it’s not like it’s going to inform me of your character.
  Hope the bar exam went okay, even if you think it was a steaming pile of crap…

Posted 3/23/2011 at 6:42 AM by theloniusmarx

I got one recently. My old flip phone’s battery was crapping out & they don’t make that model anymore (or any accessories for it). Since I already had Verizon I decided to get it. I don’t know how to use anything on it. Mostly it looks pretty on my coffee table when I forget it at home.

Posted 2/21/2011 at 10:23 AM by SAM_in_LA

Very funny as usual! A good friend of mine always has to have the new gear when it comes out. My attitude is to wait until the price drops or the toy becomes prematurely obsolete – save a lot of money that way. This whole career thing of yours really is getting in the way of your critical contributions to my enjoyment of Xanga.

Posted 2/21/2011 at 6:35 PM by dirtbubble

Once we waited in line on Black Friday hoping to get a computer because I couldn’t afford the regular ones (poor college student) but that was different. And I didn’t get it. 

Posted 2/21/2011 at 1:15 AM by mycontinuity

LMAO!  Your illustrations always crack me up.  :p

Posted 2/21/2011 at 2:11 AM by Thoughts_Of_P

hahahaha. love the whole commentary on tech junkies and the human need to be “the first one to have it (at a particular store)… and the adult diapers. wouldn’t have even thought of it if i were to do something as ridiculous as that. haha. definitely a nice touch.  favorite part is definitely the last part where the animals are like “we have iphone too.”

Posted 2/22/2011 at 8:48 PM by bengozen

hahahahahha OMG this is sooo funny!!! I love the pictures!

Posted 2/21/2011 at 9:42 AM by schik05os
by
Saturday March 19, 2011

Has anyone ever told you your normal face looked sad or mad? By “normal face” I mean one that’s totally expressionless–i.e., you’re not smiling, frowning, grinning, scowling, etc. It’s just the way you look when your facial muscles aren’t being used to express your emotions.

Most of the normal faces I’ve seen looked pretty neutral, and didn’t give off any particular vibe. My normal face, however, must really hate being associated with me or something because I’m always getting this sh*t:

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I obviously can’t draw pointing-at-myself pictures for sh*t.

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Isn’t that depressing? My default face-at-rest is one that looks perpetually mad or sad! Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t think anyone has ever read my normal face to be a sad one. It’s always been interpreted as a “pissy, frigid b*tch” face!

Of course, once I tell them I’m really not feeling mad/sad even though my normal face makes me look like I am, it’s all good.

…But then I’ll get a piece of advice:

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Someone always–always–makes this stupid suggestion. It’s inevitable…like Lindsay Lohan being in a courtroom, or finding a lifetime’s worth of raggedy-ass Ed Hardy t-shirts in a douche bag’s closet. Whenever someone finds out I was born with a lemon of a normal face, that person will always tell me to smile more often.

But why the hell would anyone do that? How could “you should smile more often” be taken as anything other than joke advice? I mean, no one smiles unless (1) they are in a situation where smiling is required (e.g., sales people), or (2) they are happy. And smiling outside of those two scenarios looks insane:

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The only people who run around smiling for no reason are crazies and the retarded!

Posted 3/19/2011 at 1:49 PM
54 Comments

I get that all the time.  So annoying.  

Posted 3/19/2011 at 2:9 PM by npr32486

The only people who run around smiling for no reason are crazies and the retarded!

LOL!!! exactly!

Posted 3/19/2011 at 2:24 PM by ThePrince

haha yea I get the same thing, that I look mean angry or something I’m like wth…

Posted 3/19/2011 at 4:55 PM by mistermino

I get the.. are you sad? What’s wrong? ALL THE TIME. Lol.

Posted 3/19/2011 at 4:41 PM by youngvan

LOL the smiling face is so funny. I get the “my normal face looks angry” a lot by my dad. It’s quite annoying.  

Posted 3/19/2011 at 4:59 PM by sparkleworm

we call that the RBF. resting bitch face. lol

Posted 3/19/2011 at 4:19 PM by thesee

lol

Posted 3/19/2011 at 9:44 PM by YOUNGAZNTIGER

People who think that you need to be smiling all the time to be happy have issues and should look at themselves. In other news, aa64 has a stalker! Better watch yo back. 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:5 AM by Ironstove

Actually the girl I sit next to in class has this problem. I didnt talk to her for half the semester because I thought she hated my guts, but when I did talk to her she was extremely nice!

Well then you should… Be happy, smile! =D
hahaha

Posted 3/19/2011 at 9:25 PM by viet1_n_only

Ah, I’ve heard this kind of stoopid stuff all my life…people just can’t gauge facial expressions anymore, I guess.  😛

Posted 3/19/2011 at 7:22 PM by ReeserTheShadow

I have this exact same problem! Same with my mom, sister, and brother, since our faces all look pretty similar. Everyone from my high school thinks I hated them because I used to “glare” at them, and whenever I start a new job or meet someone new they think I’m always mad. I’m sorry, my face just looks that way!

Posted 3/19/2011 at 8:47 PM by justXforXyou_beautiful

Always when I’m contemplating , enjoying the weather my expression gives the weirdes reaction from smiles to angry looking *sigh

Posted 3/19/2011 at 5:0 PM by wulfcry

Haha….some people can pull off the smiling -all-the-time face, but on other people, it just seems….weird.

Posted 3/19/2011 at 7:46 PM by a_drunken_cellist

my ex bf used to ask me this all the time and it was way annoying because he would be so upset if i said that i was just fine but he’d get upset anyways.

Posted 3/19/2011 at 5:7 PM by superGchik

hey i have the same problem. people always asked me if i was angry when i was younger. actually, i just have an unfortunate resting face. so, i subconsciously try to lift my eyebrows so i look normal, but every once in a while i’ll see myself in photos looking angry. sigh. we should botox that shit.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:27 AM by figachewy

You got that crazy serial killer look there.  Hawt.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:20 AM by Roadlesstaken

lol i do the smile all the time thing…and yes i do look kinda crazy!

Posted 3/20/2011 at 1:2 AM by galadrielspitcher

I get the same thing quite often. I’m just not that smiley or outgoing with my emotions.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:34 AM by MagisterTom

sometimes I get that I look sad. :/

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:41 AM by TheSecretLifeOfPandas

Well, this made me smile. But…there’s a reason to do so! 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:32 AM by Unstoppable_Inner_Strength

Lol! XD I think this has happened to me once, but that’s probably because my face at rest is just me looking totally tired and most of the people I’m associated with know that I’m an insomniac, so they don’t bother to ask.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:23 AM by Queen_of_You188

hahaha yeah I used to get that alot…no idea what’s changed.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 1:5 AM by ALovingAdversary

I used to have that problem, so I changed the arch shape of my eyebrows through evasive plucking, and now I look only “slightly” pissed.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 1:32 AM by mycontinuity

Gahhhh, I get that all the frickin time.    My favorite thing to do is to look at them, completely stone-faced, and tell them there’s a booger in their nose.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:24 AM by the_rocking_of_socks

ha ha. truth

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:33 AM by ShimmerBodyCream

So true. xD 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:45 AM by nov_way

that’s patriarchy’s androcentrism for ya.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:35 AM by snowisreallycold

The last picture made me laugh. I get told my normal face looks mad. And apparently I give people evil looks when I stare into space.. oh well, I haven’t got my ass whooped for it yet.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:31 AM by kinseydanielle

AGREED.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:30 AM by misajour

I totally know what you mean.  I am one of those people who are constantly making my friends laugh and then everytime anyone sees you if you are not cracking people up they think something is wrong. 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 12:33 AM by LilMishas_Ghost

Maybe you should tell those people to stop staring at you so much then.    A perma-grin just doesn’t look right… it’s too Joker-ish.

Posted 3/21/2011 at 6:18 PM by yakko1

hehe I can relate to this.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 11:56 PM by joooolie

Actually, your profile pictures remind me of Victoria’s Secret models from the early 90’s- somewhere between “Take me now, Charles” and “You’re not worthy to get any of this. . .”  But that’s probably just my own issues. . .

Posted 3/21/2011 at 2:50 AM by Ewithani
I get this all the time too. The “smile more” advice is the worst!
Posted 3/20/2011 at 3:45 AM by hana_sj

Don’t worry, its pretty common with asian girls, especially mainland, I see it most often in Vietnamese girls. Relaxed face ends up coming off as pissed or bitchy. Meh, embrace that shit and scare people into giving you their lunch money =]

Posted 3/20/2011 at 6:24 PM by moonman272

Apparently, my tired face is associated with the comment: “who are you pissed off at today?”

I AM NOT AN ANGRY PERSON. EVEN WHEN I’M ABUSING THE CAPSLOCK KEY.

Next time someone gives you that advice, you should throw a rotten apple at them.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 10:52 PM by lilxwunxnxluv

My neutral face is sad. haha. I always make up a sob story before I tell them I’m fine haha

Posted 5/26/2011 at 6:4 AM by ldy_cinnamon

Completely reminds me of Dream High. One of the main girls Hyemi had a very emotionless expression and it was quite hard to see how she was feeling. It was so funny. They always called her a robot. Lol 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 4:20 AM by Hinase

People used to tell me I seemed depressed all the time.
Now they tell me I seem happy all the time.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 3:48 PM by FoliageDecay

Holy crap..can so relate to this post.  I get the “you seem bored / sad” comment most of the time.  Nowadays I just pretend to be pissed so people would stop pestering me. 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 4:42 PM by MzKeekz

i get this allll the time. apparently the ends of my lips curve downwards so i look sad. -.-

Posted 3/20/2011 at 4:53 PM by banZaii_itZ_keIk0o

I used to have that conflict with my wife, when she was just being normal.  I learned not to get into it.

Posted 3/20/2011 at 3:52 PM by pb49r

lol. I get that aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the damn time. 

Posted 3/21/2011 at 6:46 PM by tenshii_rage
I have a happy face. Normal happy :P! Very creative comics!
Posted 7/1/2011 at 6:57 AM by arrian_strider

haha. ive gotten this before too. people always think i’m sad or pissed then tell me to smile ..which can get annoying. lol

Posted 3/20/2011 at 11:53 AM by H0Eass

You gotta watch out for the smilers.  There was one in my middle school art class nicknamed “Peaches.”  Creeped me out, sitting behind me with that big psychopathic grin on his face all the time.  Thought he might turn the exacto knife or Crayola scissors on me one day.  And there was one excessively-smiley guy in my high school, too.  That loner used to walk around the building talking to himself, or sketch in his notebook and laugh quietly during lectures.  Plus, he had purple lips.  Don’t know what his problem was.  Maybe he was drawing up bomb plans in health class.  Now he works at Wal-Mart, and I don’t say hi to him.  Ha, take that purple lips!

Wow, I’ve spent a little too long on this page and now the frigid b*tch vibe is actually seeping through my computer.  (censored b*tch for you–house rules, I guess)

Posted 3/21/2011 at 5:36 AM by niceBrice

Everyone always asks me if I’m tired when I don’t smile or say anything.

Posted 3/21/2011 at 12:23 AM by xchinkylaydee

LOL so funny. you are good.

Posted 3/29/2011 at 4:1 PM by LuxteK

yeahh i get this too…
hate it; it’s just why would a smile while walking down the hallway!
people should see me talking to me friends =3 i smile lots…
my neutral face… not to smiley D=

Posted 3/20/2011 at 1:17 PM by N3wSt0ry

haha i love the last picture. 

Posted 3/20/2011 at 2:43 PM by cacaofleur

I love this!

Posted 3/20/2011 at 7:49 AM by Mrs_FoodLover

One time I yawned cause’ I was tired, obviously. Then my eyes got watery and I drew a tear. Someone thought I was sad and asked why I was crying. I explained to that person that I wasn’t crying. He wouldn’t let it go. He kept telling me that it’s okay to cry; that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Ugh, so annoying. 

Posted 3/21/2011 at 1:34 AM by StatesofXistence

I have that problem, too. My relaxed face is a “pissed off” frown, so when it’s relaxed at work, my customers kind of steer clear. >_<  Even at home, when I’m reading something, it can be interpreted as “focused” “pissed” or anything else along the negative line. It’s really annoying.  =/

Posted 3/20/2011 at 2:18 AM by pointe_x_x_shoes

or maybe people who smile for no reason are warm and loving people just like people who don’t smile are probably cold and apathetic

Posted 3/20/2011 at 4:19 AM by The_ButterflyQueen
by
Friday March 11, 2011

http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/03/11/6246445-japans-earthquake-how-to-help

We’re all in this together.

Posted 3/11/2011 at 3:13 PM
10 Comments

im too blah to put how i feel into words.

Posted 3/11/2011 at 5:12 PM by deux02

Like I said before, good info.  =]

Posted 3/11/2011 at 5:20 PM by bluepillorredpill

great post sylvia =) 

Posted 3/11/2011 at 5:51 PM by mistermino

Thank you!

Posted 3/11/2011 at 5:44 PM by pandora__x2

Thanks!

Posted 3/11/2011 at 5:38 PM by Justin_DeBin

I have friends in Japan. I feared for their wellbeing.

Posted 3/11/2011 at 6:1 PM by Wild_and_Wicked

thanks for putting this up, the people know about it how to help the better

Posted 3/12/2011 at 12:51 AM by Trigger821

Thanks!  Made my donation earlier.  Tsunamis & earthquakes blow!

Now I worry about when Cali is going to get hit.  yikes!

Posted 3/12/2011 at 3:26 PM by yakko1

Don’t have money to donate nor would I if I had the cash. I’m sure the international community will help them without our money. I promise you..they will be fine =D

Posted 3/12/2011 at 12:46 AM by Hinase

Speechless about all this… almost feels like watching re-runs of “Independence Day.”

Posted 3/12/2011 at 10:6 PM by inspirae
by
Thursday March 10, 2011

I’m really, really sorry…

I know I said I would get back to a more normal posting schedule after February 24th but, as you can see, that hasn’t exactly happened. I put off blogging for a bit because my brain desperately needed a break. And I think it was well deserved considering I’ve pretty much been studying for bar exams since December 2009. I’m beyond burnt out. And after having my ass kicked and set afire by the California bar again, the last thing I wanted to do was think.

Although my posts look like they’d been pulled together while I was sitting on the toilet, I actually have to put some brain power into them. So when I stopped thinking, it meant I also stopped blogging. But I think that’s probably a good thing. I mean, look at the sh*t I come up with when I’m putting some thought into my work. Can you imagine how much worse my posts would be if I’d written them while my brain was on vacation? You’d probably end up taking a perpetual rape shower with boiling hot water and bleach.

Anyway, I’ve been using my newly-acquired free time to catch up on all the things I had to put off while I was studying–like following the news.

03.10 (1)

03.10 (2)

03.10 (3)

Seriously, how many times did you hear the name “Charlie Sheen” before he went crazy? Like, barely ever, right? But now you can’t go five minutes without hearing about him!

03.10 (4)

03.10 (5)

My getting “Two and a Half Men” confused with “Mad Men” isn’t an exaggeration. First of all, I don’t watch either shows, and secondly, before this all went down, I didn’t even know “Two and a Half Men” was still on television. I thought it’d been cancelled after its first season. But now that Charlie Sheen’s all over the freaking news–with coverage occasionally interrupted by updates about Libya and Wisconsin–I’ve learned that not only is the show still on the air, but it’s insanely successful and has made him the highest paid actor on TV! And you know what else? I now watch “Two and a Half Men” whenever it’s on–but only because I can’t believe the healthy Charlie Sheen on the show is the same one whose homemade rehab regiment turned him into a swamp donkey.

Speaking of television, I’ve been watching a lot of it lately. My TiVo recorded a bunch of stuff while I was busy, so when I wasn’t getting caught up on current events, I was getting caught up on “Glee,” “Justified,” “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” Conan O’Brien’s show, and whatever else was stored in the box. But I have to admit that I didn’t make any progress. Why? Because I discovered a show called “Must Love Cats”!

03.10 (6)

03.10 (7)

03.10 (8)

So not kidding: That’s the only thing I’ve really been watching for the past few weeks.

And of course, I’ve been playing video games. But I haven’t touched “Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood,” “Final Fantasy XIII,” or any of the other console games I put off because they consumed too much of my time. Instead, I’ve been devoted to app games like “Angry Birds” and “Hot Spring Story.” I think “Angry Birds” should change its name to “Angry People” because that’s what it turns its players into: frustrated, angry people who hate it when the only birds available are those damn toucans. That thing sucks more ass than the basic red bird–i.e., it doesn’t just suck ass, it eats it!

03.10 (9)

I’m really happy to say that since I’ve had 15 days to rest and recuperate, my brain is ready to think again, I am ready to blog again! Hooray!

Thanks so much for waiting it out, you guys!

More soon,

Sylvia

Posted 3/10/2011 at 7:56 PM
19 Comments

You are one of the few blogs worth reading on Xanga.  Bring back the regular updates, Sylvia!

Posted 3/10/2011 at 8:19 PM by niggachang

I was about to unsubscribe.  You came back in the nick of time.

And that green bird really is shit.

Posted 3/10/2011 at 8:42 PM by whotakethmycoke

jersey shore!

Posted 3/10/2011 at 8:47 PM by cbr600

Looks like you need to get your outfit repaired haha.  Well I can understand you wanting to take a mental break from it all. 

Hmm, this reminds me I need to play more Angry Birds.  I haven’t gone fall enough to get that toucan bird, but from what everyone’s saying it’s not much to experience.

Posted 3/10/2011 at 9:7 PM by Roadlesstaken

Glad to see you’re back!  I’ve been missing your comics.

IMO, the worst bird on Angry Birds is the one that drops the damn eggs.  I can never get it where I want it.  

Posted 3/10/2011 at 9:19 PM by the_rocking_of_socks

I hope you get some much needed rest… I remember how awful I felt after a HUGE test.

Posted 3/10/2011 at 8:56 PM by Closure_Theory

haha welcome back sylvia, I hope you did better than you think you did on the BAR. if you really get stuck on angry birds you can cheat a little and youtube the particular level you’re having trouble with. 

Posted 3/11/2011 at 12:7 AM by mistermino

funny cartoons!  hope you did well!  ðŸ™‚

Posted 3/11/2011 at 3:31 AM by TheKillerPotato

I don’t think your blog posts are subpar or even close. You’re a very smart and witty person. I can count on my finger since I’ve been here in 06 the people I enjoy reading and you are one of them. I really miss some people like avenuetothereal though. Funny poster as well. Cheer up and try to be positive. What’s done is done and all you can do at this point is be positive and move forward otherwise you’ll just end up feeling worse if you don’t! 😛

Posted 3/10/2011 at 10:55 PM by Ironstove

I hate those effing smug pigs in ‘Angry Birds’!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA ELIMINATE THEM.

Which is why I am no longer allowed to play that game on my roommate’s phone.

Posted 3/10/2011 at 10:30 PM by lilxwunxnxluv

I played with a cat today.  I must say they’re quite addicting

Posted 3/10/2011 at 9:24 PM by npr32486

I love your blog! 😀 It always makes me laugh, sorry if your offended that I laugh at your expense;)

Posted 3/11/2011 at 10:19 AM by Im_Amelia

….was that a Boardwalk Empire reference in that mix-up over shows? 

Posted 3/10/2011 at 10:46 PM by tenshii_rage

[ I didn’t even know “Two and a Half Men” was still on television. I thought it’d been cancelled after its first season]

BLASPHEMY!!  Two and a Half Men is one of the best sitcoms, ever!!

Yes, Charlie Sheen is a crazy motherfucker. He’s seldom been sane…it’s just that recently he’s gone REALLY fucking batshit crazy. LOL!

Posted 3/10/2011 at 9:32 PM by Unstoppable_Inner_Strength

Glad to see that you’re back to blogging again.  You really are turning into a cat lady, huh?  Lol.

Anyhow, hope the bar exam went well… it really sucks the life out of a person!

Posted 3/12/2011 at 3:21 PM by yakko1

haha your angry birds drawing is so funny!  Why the hate on toucans though? those pigs are super annoying too, it does make me angry!

Posted 4/26/2011 at 6:40 PM by joooolie

god i love your blogs! i can always relate to what you’re feeling and your situation, and you make everything more entertaining and hilarious! you’re amazing!

and i agree, angry birds should be called angry people. i seriously wanted to throw my ipod at the wall because i stuck on a level with the crappy birds. then i just stop playing the game and became happy again(: ha!

Posted 3/11/2011 at 9:39 PM by mikaelchoe

Must Love Cats must love cats. I love cats but I am restricted from ever having one in my home again. Maybe I too will love Must Love Cats.

Posted 3/11/2011 at 8:12 PM by dirtbubble

You needed the rest. I’m kind of tired hearing about Charlie Sheen on the radio. Did you hear about the 8.8. magnitude earthquake that triggered a Tsunami at the epicenter in Japan? About 300-400 people died. There was lot of damage as you can imagine. 

Posted 3/11/2011 at 2:3 PM by StatesofXistence