What. The. F*ck. Xanga.

Did you see what Jon posted this morning? In case you didn’t, here’s the link to the latest update on Xanga 2.0. For your convenience, however, I’ve cut and pasted the meat of his entry:

At this point, we are just a few thousand dollars short of raising $50,000! We can’t thank you all enough for your incredible support and bringing us so close to our target of $60k. I have decided that if we can reach $50,000 in total pledges, then I will personally put in the next $10,000 that we need to reach our target.

I spoke to Crowdhoster and they suggested that the easiest way to achieve this would be to lower the campaign target to $50,000. They also pointed out that if we wanted to, we could enable members to continue to pledge towards the campaign in August so that more Xangans could still migrate over to Xanga 2.0. At the current rate of funding, we are on track to hit $60k before the end of August – which is great. But we’d love to get started buying a bunch of additional servers before then, so my contribution should help get things moving asap! Since we will continue to have everyone’s data available in our networking facility through the end of August, leaving the campaign open for extra time made a lot of sense and we’ve gone ahead and enabled that.

I’m calling some serious sh*tnanegans on that right there because it totally contradicts what he said on Roadlesstaken’s radio show back on July 30, 2013:

A: If xanga does not raise money by deadline will it be pushed back?

J: Deadline is hard coded in software. Can’t ask Kickstarter to give more time. Confident we’re on track to meet goals.

Hmm…yeah, I guess you can’t ask for more time since they f*cking came up with the idea in the first place. And why is Crowdhoster even suggesting that you lower the campaign target? If you need $60K to get Xanga 2.0 off the ground, then you need $60K, right? It shouldn’t matter what Crowdhoster suggests. If it did, then why didn’t they just say, “$48K is pretty good. Mission accomplished!”? Would the goal have been decreased then? And since we’re already on the subject, now that the goal is $50K, why did you give us a month-long extension when all you need to raise is $2K?

ARGH! I’ve obviously got a LOT to say and draw about this, but I just wanted to put this up now because I want to know what you guys think. I loved Xanga–you all know I did–and I wanted so badly for it to be saved, but I’ve been skeptical of the Team’s intentions from the very beginning, and this sudden announcement on very last f*cking day of the fundraiser–literally 20 hours and 42 minutes before the deadline–is beyond ridiculous.

Oh, and I guess we’re supposed to be receiving an e-mail asking us if we want our blogs moved over to Xanga 2.0 or something. Given the stellar communication that’s gone on so far, I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you because you’ll probably die of suffocation.

If you do get the e-mail, are you going to return to Xanga? I’m honestly not sure I could after this. I know Xanga 2.0 is apparently just WordPress Enterprise or whatever, so technically you wouldn’t be able to go back to Xanga even if you wanted to. I guess the better question is are you going to stay on WordPress-WordPress, or are you going to use Xanga-WordPress once it’s available?

As Xanga is nearing its end, more and more Xangans have taken on refugee status and switched over to WordPress. And many of them have found, as I did when I first signed on, that the WordPress platform is confusing as f*ck. It’s not user friendly in general, but you don’t know frustration until you’ve tried customizing a WordPress theme. Seriously, if you have a heart condition of some sort, avoid playing around with themes because you’re going to end up with a heart attack. And if you don’t have a heart condition–same advice applies because there is a 90% that you’re going to end up with some form of heart disease by the time you figure this sh*t out. No, I’m not a doctor, but I do take vitamins every day so, um, so there.

…Okay, so maybe my medical advice isn’t really medical anything, but the part about theme-customization on WordPress being really frustrating is totally based on personal experience.

My reason for diving headfirst into the empty pool that is WordPress Themes was actually somewhat practical: I wanted the design of this new site to look like my old Xanga blog as much as possible so that any Xangans who showed up would immediately go, “Oh, this is absolutangel64’s/Sylvia’s blog.” And I went in assuming that doing this was going to be just as easy on WordPress as it was on Xanga.

But it didn’t take long for me to realize I was wrong…very, very wrong…like, having-Screech-from-Saved-By-the-Bell-sh*t-on-your-face-and-then-slap-you-with-his-dick-that’s-also-made-of-sh*t wrong. Naturally, I Paintified this sh*tty  experience for you all to enjoy.

I’m sure my parents would be so proud of how I’ve put their efforts into teaching me how to read to good use…Sorry, mom and dad…

Anyway, I know it doesn’t look like it, but I’ve actually managed to figure out a few things about WordPress themes that I think might be somewhat helpful to any of you Xanga refugees who are just getting started on this platform. These tips aren’t going to be great, and I’m sure you’ll be able to find better help elsewhere. And when you do, please share it with the rest of us because we’re all in this together!

Until something better comes along, I’ve put together for you all a very basic tutorial on how to find a free WordPress theme that works for you. At the very least, this might help you avoid having to sift through the millions of themes that are available to choose from.

STEP 1: Go to Appearance –> Themes, and click on “Feature Filter”.

Step 2: Depending on what you want, click on the different elements you want in your theme. If you’re particular about sidebars, make sure to check “Theme Options” so that you’ll get those themes that give you some control over the placement of your panels.

Step 3: Pick a theme. If you’re not sure which one is best, click on “Live Preview” to see how your blog will look with that particular theme. I chose Twenty-Eleven.

In the “Live Preview” window, you’ll see a panel on the right that has all the customization options available to you for that particular theme. The first one is “Custom Design,” which is an upgrade that you have to pay $30 a month to use. It’s not really necessary unless you’re CSS-savvy or are really hot for fonts.

Clicking on any of the other options will pull up windows that might look something like this:

Step 4: Make your adjustments and then activate the theme. Here’s my sample, if you’re curious: http://absolutangel64wpwtf.wordpress.com/

That helped, didn’t it? At least a little? 

Huge thanks to everyone who tuned in to Roadlesstaken’s July 10th radio show, as well as those of you who listened to the podcast! I meant to say this earlier, but I had to leave town to attend a friend’s wedding right afterwards and ended up getting sick while I was away (I wonder if that was life’s way of punishing me for not expressing my gratitude sooner…hmm…). You guys were in my heart the whole time though (as always), and the support you showed by listening to the broadcast is just further proof that the bonds which hold us Xangans together are the strongest ones you could ever make.

If you haven’t listened to the show, however–what the f*ck are you waiting for?! The royal baby?!

I’m kidding, of course! But all joking aside, if you want to hear what you missed, click on the picture and you’ll be redirected to the podcast on Roadlesstaken’s site.

Yes, the road with one lone car is supposed to be Roadlesstaken. And yes, I drew Nimbusthedragon as a smiling Dragon Ball riding a nimbus cloud (because I can’t draw dragons for sh*t).

I had a ton of fun doing the show, and have to give a huge props to Roadlesstaken for keeping the conversation fresh and lively. I mean, seriously, the guy’s got impeccable hosting skills. I could feel myself sliding into a nervous silence several times, but he kept me afloat by asking really good questions and adding his own input onto the stuff that was said. And honestly, he’s probably the best source for information and updates on what’s going on with Xanga. I literally learned more about the 2.0 clusterf*ck in the one hour I spent on the phone with him and Nimbusthedragon than I had from Xanga itself. What the f*ck is up with that, X-Team?!

Oooh, speaking of Nimbusthedragon–I had, like, an O-face every time she spoke because (1) she was unapologetically honest about her feelings regarding the Xanga situation, and (2) she said it all with a hot-ass accent. Just thinking about it makes me want to ditch everything and move to Canada so I can spend the rest of my days shadowing her all ninja-like.

All in all, it was one of the most interesting experiences I’ve ever had, and hope it was as enjoyable for you as it was for me. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, then click on the picture and find out!

Click on it! You know you want to!

Be right back! Going to finish my new post now! 

Just in case you guys haven’t already marked your calendars, Nimbusthedragon and I will be guests on Roadlesstaken’s radio show today at 8:00 p.m. EST (5:00 p.m. PST)! The link to the broadcast can be found here.

I’m really excited about it, but I’m also super nervous–which is, like, really, really bad because when I’m nervous, my brain loses all ability to form complete, coherent thoughts. And as many of you know by now, whenever that happens, I end up doing a lot of this:

And not for a few split seconds either. I’m talking about neuro-flatulence-induced “Uhhhhhs” that can last minutes, people. Minutes.

I’ve got roughly 6 hours to get in the no-fart zone, so I think I’ll be okay…unless I get the one question I’ve always dreaded having to answer. Seriously, nothing good has ever, ever come out of my mouth whenever I’ve been asked this:

Oh gawd, no! Not the “tell me a little about yourself” question! Nooooo!

If you’re thinking something along the lines of, “That’s an easy one! What the hell are you freaking out over?” it’s because you have a personality. I, on the other hand, have about as much charisma as a shriveled doot (sorry, doots of the world). The fact that I don’t have much of a life doesn’t help much either.

So if you’re going to be tuning in–and I hope you do because Nimbusthedragon and Roadlesstaken are interesting people worth listening to–expect something like this to happen in the likely event that I’m asked to say a little something about myself:

First, I’ll get flustered…

And then I’ll do two straight minutes of “Uhhhhhh” as I try to come up with something to talk about:

If I’m lucky I’ll manage to scrape a thought together, and will spew it out without thinking:

And then I’ll immediately go into I-can’t-believe-I-just-said-that mode, while Roadlesstaken and Nimbusthedragon are stuck with the thankless task of trying to transition your attention far, far away from the mouth diarrhea I just vomited…

The other possible result would be that I actually manage to find something to say about myself, but it’s something really, really dumb:

And then I’ll have to commit to it and deny all the rest of the STDs because if I don’t, it might imply that something is ravaging my va-jay-jay:

And that will set off a train wreck…

And when I finally realize I’ve been digging myself into a grave of sh*t, it’ll be way too late:

…And then poor Nimbusthedragon and Roadlesstaken will have the horrendous task of covering for me as I drown in a pit of my own mouth diarrhea… *sigh*

Anyway! I hope you guys will tune in! It’ll be a ton of fun! 

The odds that Xanga is going to survive past July 15, 2013 don’t look so hot right now. I mean, they aren’t terrible to the point where all hope is lost, but the Crowdhoster campaign is still down $23K and there are only nine days left to go before the deadline. I’m all about miracles, but I’m not sure there’s enough Hunan chicken or Vitamin Water in the world that’s going to make that pit go away in time. Just ask the Xangans who’ve recently moved their sites—a number of whom have called this place their blogging home for years, and would never have left had it not been for these extreme circumstances.

Given the somewhat unsexy outlook, I’ve set up a backup blog on Wor….Wo—f*ck! I can’t even say it without throwing up in my mouth! Argh! Just…just go here to find my backup site:

https://absolutangel64.com/

You’ll notice that I’m in the process of reposting all of my stuff over there, but the Dashboard is a f*cking pile of sh*t that isn’t nearly as user-friendly as Xanga’s, so things have been moving slower than I’d like. Then again, I haven’t exactly been motivated about tackling the learning curve to begin with because I’m still holding onto hope that our beloved Xanga will make it to July 16th and beyond.

To say that I was devastated when I learned about Xanga’s possible end would be an understatement. It felt more like a part of my heart had imploded, and I spent the next few days in and out of an emotional sh*t zone. “Dramatic much?” F*ck no, and f*ck you for thinking so. This wonderful community has been a part of my life ever since I joined back in 2003, and it has been there for me for the past 10 years. It was only on Xanga that I felt the most freedom to just be me without remorse, and say all the sh*t I wanted to say, exactly the way I wanted to say it. I guess writing was my escape and Xanga was my safe haven…

Having the chance to make my own creative space was more than enough of a reward, but to be able to meet so many of you awesome fellow Xangans along the way is a gift I have always treasured and will forever be grateful for. There are simply no words or Paint illustrations that will ever be able to accurately express how much your years of support has meant to me, or how insanely indebted I am to you guys for not only helping me become a better writer, but also a better person. And at the risk of sounding cheesy, even though we may only exist in each other’s lives as text on a webpage, the connections I’ve made with you all are very real and very important to me. I mean, some of my longest friendships were made right here! Pretty crazy, right? But that’s always been the beautiful part about Xanga.

Writing may have been an escape and Xanga my safe haven, but it was ultimately you guys who made it into my home. And I’ve come to realize that what made the news of Xanga’s Doomsday so devastating for me wasn’t so much the loss of the forum itself (although it definitely factors into it), but the loss of a community—no, a family—that I genuinely love and cherish.

I’m all about keeping families together, so if Xanga does come to a end, I really, really hope we’ll still keep in touch! You know where to find me, right?

Oh, and I’m going to be a guest along with @Nimbusthedragon on @Roadlesstaken’s radio show on Wednesday, July 10th, at 8:00 p.m. EST! I was supposed to be on last week, but had to reschedule because I was busy getting my ass handed to me on a plate made of ass. ARGH! The memories!

Anyway, do check out Roadlesstaken’s website! He’s posted a list of upcoming guests, as well as podcasts of past shows for you to enjoy. And don’t forget to tune in on July 10th at 5:00 p.m. EST, okay? You’ll actually be able to call into the show during the live broadcast, so I hope you make use of that because I’m dying to know what you guys sound like! It’s going to be awesome!

No matter what happens, our hearts will always be as Xangans.  

More soon,

Sylvia