I’ve been really busy again, unfortunately, and my life has been on constant clusterf*ck status so I haven’t had a lot of time to do anything other than work. That sh*tty schedule means I’m out of the loop on a lot of things,  including this FIFA scandal everyone’s talking about. I mean, what’s going on with it? I tried to read this Gawker article that was supposed to help explain the scandal to people who didn’t follow sports, but it was too soccer-heavy for me and I nodded off somewhere…yes, I’m American.

But! I love me some good scandals, and this FIFA mess seems to have a lot of the ooey, gooey controversial goodness I love sinking my teeth into. I really want to know what’s going on, but anything I read about it is going to include a lot of soccer (zzzz…) information that’s just going to put me to sleep. Soccer (zzzz…) is so boring! Give me a break!

Anyway, I have a huge favor to ask: Would someone mind explaining what’s going on with FIFA, but instead of using soccer (zzzz…) terms, could you use McDonald’s menu items and characters? Because, as you are all aware of by now, I love McDonald’s, and by using its delicious burgers and iconic characters in your explanation, I will for sure be able understand the FIFA mess without any problems!

Anyone want to help educate a starving mind? Ooohh…if it’s super helpful, I’ll illustrate it and post it as a collaboration work to help all the other lost souls like me find their way to FIFA-scandal nirvana!