absolutangel64

The “rag”, “time-of-the-month”, “period”, “crimson wave”…no matter what you call it, it’s the dreaded menstrual cycle–which I am currently going through, and I hate it.

I hate it because everytime I go to the bathroom I end up seeing a toilet bowl full of blood after I’m done doing whatever I have to do. I hate it because blood clots come out of my body when I’m in the shower and flow about my toes–and in my rage and digust I end up reenacting the pivotal pig’s blood scene in “Carrie” (sans telepathic powers and massive raging fire during prom). I hate it because my used “feminine products” smell like rotten shellfish and old socks–and the accumulation of a week’s worth of sanitary napkins makes my bathroom smell like…like… <insert clever, smart word that means “stinky”>.

But what is the menstrual cycle anyway? WHAT IS IT? Women bleed for seven days out of each month (typically), and we just take it as a part of life. But I’m not content with that! I am not okay with having to plug myself up with cotton, or sticking a fat pad onto my panties because I don’t want to risk bleeding through my clothes and subjecting myself to the stigma of being the girl who soiled herself. I don’t see why I have to do it. What is it all for?

So I did research! Ahem…

The menstrual cycle is the set of recurring physiological changes in a female‘s body that are under the control of the reproductive hormone system and necessary for reproduction. In women, menstrual cycles occur typically on a monthly basis between puberty and menopause.

During the menstrual cycle, the sexually mature female body releases one egg at the time of ovulation. The lining of the uterus, the endometrium, builds up in a synchronised fashion. After ovulation, this lining changes to prepare for potential implantation of the fertilized egg to establish a pregnancy. If fertilization and pregnancy do not ensue, the uterus sheds the lining and a new menstrual cycle begins. The process of the shedding of the lining is called menstruation. Menstruation manifests itself to the outer world in the form of the menses (also menstruum): essentially part of the endometrium and blood products that pass out of the body through the vagina. Although this is commonly referred to as blood, it differs in composition from venous blood.

Thank any and all omnipotent beings that Wikipedia exists…

So I thought that, with all the upgrades non-Premium Xanga users have been getting, I could get away with not paying for Premium membership ever again. Except for additional picture space, which I don’t need, non-Premium and Premium are almost the same thing.

Almost.

The perk that isn’t mentioned is that Premium members get to customize their Xanga skin without being reduced to using a plain picture in the back. And for some reason, having a customized skin tailored to my own needs is really important to me. $25 a year important.

And I didn’t realize this until my Premium membership expired and my Xanga skin was deleted. I tried my best to recreate it again, but as you can see–it really looks like crap.

So now that I know that as long as I am obsessed with the aesthetic beauty of my page, I will keep paying for Premium.

And that means I am going to write more. About anything. Even shit that I would never write about. Like this topic.

Million dollar question of the day: What the f*ck is this:

China’s obsession with plastic surgery is finding fresh demand from couples who are going under the knife to get their noses and even their eyes done as a sign of their love for one another, the official newspaper China Daily reported.

“I suggested it as a way of celebrating our relationship and bringing us closer together with a special kind of bond,” Liu Yan, 24, was quoted as saying of the matching nose jobs for her and her 28-year-old boyfriend.

This is some random Valentine’s Day article I pulled up from MSN just now. Don’t really care so much about the plastic surgery because that’s your own issue–what I do have a problem with is that there is a growing demand for Asian couples to get plastic surgery to look more like each other.

I have, really, very little to say about this…except…

As someone who has been asked before if the guy, whose hand I was holding, was my brother, and as someone who has said and been told that all Asians look alike–WHAT THE F*CK. Bad enough no one can tell the difference between us already, but now people are actually paying money to look like their boyfriends/girlfriends? They’re purposely inducing the rest of us into thinking they’re in some incestuous relationship…

That just makes us Chinese people look way worse. That, and the rip-off Harry Potter movie that was produced and released in China before the actual Harry Potter movie was even filmed.

In a way, all of us have an El Guapo to face some day.
For some, shyness might be their El Guapo.
For others a lack of education might be their El Guapo.
For us, El Guapo is a big dangerous guy who wants to kill us.
But as sure as my name is Lucky Day,
the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo
who also happens to be the actual El Guapo!

Best monologue ever.

This was supposed to be my New Year’s Eve entry, but because I started playing Maple Story during Winter Break, there just wasn’t any time for me to update my blog. I still don’t have time to write as much, but I’ve made some time in between reading for contracts and leveling up cute archer. Puhahaha…

Pretend it’s New Year’s Eve, 2005.

I don’t make resolutions for myself anymore because (1) I am perfect, and (2) I am incapable of following up with these pathetic “turn over a new leaf” attempts. It’s just not happening for someone who lacks the patience, stamina, or motivation. Besides, I am awesome incarnate.

Instead, I would rather make resolutions for other people to follow. Being that I am judgmental and mean, I pay close attention to certain virtues and vices in order to find something to make fun of, and educate my faithful readers about.

This year, the attention is on PARENTS. Yes! Parents! And not just any parents—but PARENTS WHO TRY TO COVER UP THEIR SUB-PAR PARENTING SKILLS BY BLAMING THEIR CHILDRENS’ BAD BEHAVIOR ON EXTERNAL DEVICES.

For 2006, I hope all parents will begin to realize that the reason why their son or daughter shot up their high schools and hung themselves from a flag pole right after has nothing to do with rated R movies, video games, music, or violent television shows. As convenient a way out as it is to blame Mortal Kombat for your child finding pleasure in stabbing his classmate to death, is that really realistic? I think it might be better to ask yourself if you’ve managed to teach your child where to draw the line between fact and fiction.

I think the proper way to assess one’s bad parenting is to wonder why there are children who are not affected by what they see and hear on television, movies, video games, and music. WHY AREN’T MORE CHILDREN KILLING PEOPLE? If kids are so prone to being infected by these messages of brutality, why aren’t there more stories on the news about these violent youngsters?

Oh wait…could it be because…most of them aren’t stupid enough to believe everything they see and hear? No, no way. I mean, I bet those kids are just lucky. I’m sure they all have a violent streak, they all sleep with guns and knives under their pillows, and they all plot hundreds of different ways to blow up their houses.

Oh please.

What I want to know is: if kids can be easily influenced by violence, and imitate those acts in their daily lives—how come those same kids aren’t jumping off buildings, thinking they can fly around like Spider Man? Or crawling into sewers in an effort to find the Ninja Turtles? Or putting on one of their mother’s rings and summon Captain Planet? Why is it that the kids do the violent acts, as opposed to the non-violent ones?

The whole thing with games like Grand Theft Auto and the government crackdown on sex and violence—it’s just too much. Parents want censorship. They want control. They want the entertainment industry to provide the public, their families, with peace, love, and happiness so as to prevent their kids from running around in violent tirades.

But—last time I checked—no one forced you to have your children. You kind of made that decision yourself, didn’t you? And, if you have no problems conceiving these children, then you should have no problems taking parental responsibility and raising them properly.

And correct me if I’m wrong, but that parental responsibility could entail not letting your kids partake in activities that you think might negatively influence your kids. Unless your DNA test proves that Rockstar Games is your baby daddy, then you really shouldn’t bother with the anti-violence campaign. If you have so much of a problem with undue influence, then you should take better care in explaining to your spawn that reality and non-reality do not cross each other’s boundaries. It’s completely your fault if they don’t get this message because you’re the only one who is obligated to teach them that, and no one else.

So for 2006, I hope that all parents have the resolution to take responsibility for their children, and come to terms with the fact that their kids are screwed up because they screwed up.

YAY!

I have been following the story of those trapped miners ever since the story broke two days ago. I can’t even begin to understand how the families are feeling right now—the emotional rollercoaster that these past 40+ hours have been. They have been holed up in their church, waiting and praying for news that their loved ones have survived—and they got what they were hoping for four hours ago. Twelve men had been found alive—the news headlines will be reiterating that statement tomorrow.

But then they were told to disregard the previous announcement, that it was just miscommunication and instead, only one man had survived and the rest were dead.

How do you look those families in the eyes and tell them that you heard wrong? How do you watch them cheer and thank God and weep tears of joy, knowing that the information hasn’t been confirmed, and that there is a good chance that it is inaccurate? The control center of the mine operations knew in advance that no one had been found alive yet, but they held that information in under the pretense that they did not want to families to suffer any more trauma.

I think they’ve suffered more than was necessary. What are these people to do now that they feel like they’ve been lied to for the two days?

There is some news about commuting Stanley “Tookie” Williams’ execution on grounds that he is a reformed Christian of some sort, and deserves to live because he realizes all the wrong he has done. Celebrities like Jamie Foxx and others who I don’t give a sh*t about have joined in on the cause, and are hoping to get the government to give this man, the founder of the Crips, a second chance at life.

Albeit a life in prison, but they think it’s better than being put to death.

These loser celebrities and supporters of Williams seem to have forgotten something important: what the f*ck he did to land his ass in prison. Gee, I don’t know…maybe because he’s responsible for beating a man to death in 1972, shooting someone in 1979, killing an entire family for $100 also in 1979, and stabbing an inmate while in prison in 1988. All in all, he has taken the lives of these people, and ruined the lives of their families–and now his ass wants a stay of execution because he happened to publish a bunch of childrens’ books and established an anti-violence organization.

Big f*cking deal—he KILLED people. Remember that? He took lives of innocent members of society, and now his legacy lives on in the members of the gang he started–and those idiots kill people too. What a joke that he should ask to live, when he took his victims’ right to life away.

F*ck people like Jamie Foxx, Snoop Dogg, and Danny Glover. Those people live in million dollar mansions, and have security guards protecting them. The f*ck do they know what it means to have your life taken away from you because some gang members thought killing them would give them street cred. What about Albert Owens and Tsai-Shai Yang—no one gives a crap about them because guess what? They’re dead. He killed them. That motherf*cker killed them.

And so what? So he thought he could turn a new leaf and start live over as a vigilante for community safety and anti-gang campaigns. But so what…you have a duty to preserve community safety by not murdering people, or starting gangs where children can gain access to drugs and guns. You have a freaking duty to abide by the laws—and when your conduct grossly rejects the rules of society, you get sentenced to death. This wasn’t just something that happened to be made up along the way–Williams knew this was a possible consequence of his gruesome actions, and he chose to ignore it and conduct himself as a monster. He deserves it. He should die.

He shouldn’t be asking the government for a pardon…he should be asking God, and the families of those people he senselessly killed.

I think it’s really funny–no–pathetic, how some people are criticizing the fact that Chinese actors play major characters in the the movie, “Memoirs of a Geisha.” They’re all pissed off because they think Japanese people are better equipped at playing Japanese characters in a movie set in Japan.

Sure, I agree with that…just like how I believe that Jackie Chan is the best thing that’s ever happened to this planet, and if someone threw Jean-Claude Van-Damme into Police Story I would take to the streets and start burning babies.

But, you see, judging by the way I belittled the angry anti-Chinese actor activists, that means there is a catch that makes my aforementioned analogy totally pointless.

Before anyone gets mad about Zhang Ziyi playing Sayuri, and insisting that Japanese actors and actresses should have gotten the roles instead, remember that “Memoirs of a Geisha” is written by ARTHUR GOLDEN. That’s right–a white guy wrote a book about a Japanese girl. Sure, he researched the work extensively–but according to those who think you have to be Japanese in order to appreciate a story about a Japanese person, well, Arthur Golden is no Futabatei Shimei, now is he? If you want to start bitching about authenticity, start with the author and then work your way down.

Then there’s the fact that the director is Rob Marshall–another white guy! Wait, wait, that means the movie still lacks authenticity because he’s not Akira Kurosawa! Wow…strike two on the Japanese authenticity issue.

And then—the characters speak English! Why not Japanese? Gee, I don’t know…becuase the book was written by a white guy, the director is a white guy, the major actresses are Chinese, and the target audience is the English-speaking public?

Here’s the thing pro-Japanese activists should remember: movies aren’t made for the sake of entertainment value–they’re made for profit. Lord of the Rings wasn’t an exact replication of the book, and neither is the new Harry Potter movie. They are adaptations, restructured so that they attract the greatest numbers of people. And you can’t do that effectively if you have a storyline people aren’t interest in, or actors people don’t recognize.

And really–what’s the f*cking deal here? You complainers are the same people who push the “Asians all look alike” joke anyway. All of a sudden there is a difference when Chinese actors replace Japanese actors on screen. Tell me: what Japanese actress do you think should have played the role instead? Pick one, and guaranteed a majority of the people in America do not know who she is.

Back to my awesome analogy then: if Cop Story was written for a Chinese actor, but Van Damme was all the rage, then it would be logical for the director to use Van Dammn instead of Jackie Chan because that’s who most people pay money to see.

So quit your bitching.

You’re Asian if you have a bag of dried shitake mushrooms in one of your cupboards.

I need some advice on how you legal students study. I have my outlines all typed and printed (fresh), and I’m ready to read the Giberts, Glannons, FRCP, and U.C.C. stuff—but I can’t concentrate! I just fall asleep every time I crack open the book.

I have a little over two weeks to prepare for finals…GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE [please].