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I’m on a mission to get my Xanga onto the “Featured Content” module on the Xanga front page. Just to get an idea of what kind of special essence a Xangan needs to be featurned on this illustrious module, I have sampled some of the blogs that are currently worthy enough of being shown.

www.xanga.com/hot_Gansta626

Umm…this Xanga totally sucks. It’s written by some child in New York (although I think he’s really in Arcadia and doesn’t know it because he’s stupid), and I seriouly have no idea what the hell he wrote that garnered him 168 “gansta propz” and 105 “boricua letterzs.” By the way, that “letterzs” is bad spelling…spelled badly. Bad enough he decided to replace the s in “letters” with a “z” because I suppose pretending to be an idiot who can’t spell is hip and with-it with the kids. But to add another “s” to “letterz”…? No comment.

www.xanga.com/SuE_X

This site doesn’t exist…so why is it featured on “Featured Content” when it doesn’t have, you know, content. Maybe the web masters are just using this girl’s site as an example of what happens to Xangas that suck ass and are boring.

www.xanga.com/dragonsnaps

This dude wrote an entire entry about HOW OFTEN HE HAD TO CHANGE HIS CLOTHES. And wait! That’s not the best part! He even learned how to tie a tie! Amazing! Best entry I have ever read! 41 dumbasses left him a comment.

www.xanga.com/AdOrkable_Lind4

This is a site by a girl who really thinks she’s pretty but isn’t. She has lots of pictures of her ugly ass self up, and her entries are full of these little, memorable gems such as:

 just came believe people been break`ing up … and it look like there love is soo damn strong.. *shakes head* i guess u just never know wats going to happpen.. welps.. as long me and my hubby still together.. all dat matter`s … hehe

Really? That’s all “dat matter’s,” huh? As opposed to being able to spell properly and use correct punctuation. And I, too, “just came believe people been break’ing up.” Isn’t it tragic? Wish people would stop “cameing” when their “love is soo damn strong.” (The f*ck does a 14 year old know about love anyway? It’s not love if he doesn’t have money.)

I am totally enlightened! In order for me to be featured on “Featured Content” I need to be really boring, have an ugly Xanga filled with pictures of myself, and write about b.s. that no one cares about, but comment on anyway because they’re comment whores fishing for props back. If only I had known!

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I am so, so, so not interested in reading anyone’s Xanga but my own.

Because I’m a snob and don’t like reading about what people had for lunch.

Honestly folks, what the hell is it with writing about what you did that makes you think someone like me, who probably doesn’t know you very well, wants to read it? Do I care that you bought your skirt there? Or that you got your nails done with your not-so-hot-but-you-think-she-is best friend? No. In fact, that’s extraneous information that I could definitely live without because I truly believe that bad Xanga entries cause diarrhea.

“Oh, but Sylvia? What makes you think you’re that much more interesting when you don’t even update?”

I think I’m doing a social service by not telling you what I do every day. Because you see, I do the same damn thing all the time: I read law books that are boring as hell, and summarize cases so I can prepare myself for getting bitch slapped by a professor. Yes, you so wanted to know that.

No, I’d rather read about what you did at the club last night, and see all the pictures of your friends in the same poses twenty times. Wait, do I sense deja vu here? Oh yeah, it’s because your last entry was also about a club, and featured the same pictures and friends. Get a life.

Maybe I’m jealous. Yes, that’s it. I’m jealous of everyone who goes out, gets wasted, ends up peeing behind a wall or throwing up on themselves, blah blah blah. Being a homebody never got a person anywhere, right?

I’m sorry, but I just don’t validate my existence by trying to be a member of the typical LA scene. What the hell does that do for me? I hate clubs because I hate the people that frequent them. I hate parties because I think everyone at the party is a poser trying to be some hardcore gangster when we all know they still live at home and need to borrow money from their parents.

And don’t get me started on the fat ass hoes who parade around in mini skirts and pieces of cloth around their boobs…because cellulite is all the rage, isn’t it? What better show of nonconformity than to gain 100 pounds in a city that totally prides itself on beautiful, trendy people. Your individuality is hot! Yeah, break me off a piece of that gut.

I am a bitch. I don’t care. Reading boring Xangas makes me this way. Better that I say it here than act like one of those turds who comment on another person’s site and tries to affect change in them. As if I am really going to be compelled by your comment because you had the balls to leave me an bad one. I’m just going to erase it and go to bed with the knowledge that I managed to piss another person off enough to get them to waste their time to even leave comment to begin with. Go me! I’m kick ass.

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By all accounts, I think G4 Tech TV’s little awards show–aptly named “G-Phoria”–is incredibly lame. Maybe because the “celebrities” it boasts as attendees are on the B or C-lists of Hollywood, or maybe it’s because none of the games that win awards are worthy of their category (uhh Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic being the best RPG of the year? While you’re at it, why not also give an award to Taco Bell for having the best Mexican food in America?). I can’t really say what it is, but watching it reminds me of other sell-out awards shows like the MTV Movie Awards or VH1’s Fashion Awards (wonder if they still have that gem…)

As far as the celebrities (if you can call them that) go, most of them are just using G-Phoria’s airtime as some sort of catalyst to hopefully better things. I mean, if it’s hosted by Wilmer Valderrama (everyone is like, “Who?” He’s Lindsay Lohan’s exboyfriend…listen to the road of a million “Ahhh’s”) then you can tell that the creators were desperately hoping that some of Hollywood’s glitz crosses-over. Cha-Ching! That’s the sound of selling out! Considering the target audience for this program, G4’s program hosts are probably better known and more suitable than the guy who plays Fez on That 70’s Show. Hello? I love Morgan Webb! Bring me some Adam Sessler!

To further strengthen my belief that any celebrity that shows up at G-Phoria has no experience playing video games and doesn’t know what the hell G4 even is, consider an interview I just saw between two hosts and Donald Faison (he plays Turk on Scrubs—one of the best shows on television!). When asked which game Mr. Faison thinks should win, the actor replies:

“Man, I love Pac-Man. I think Pac-Man should win, but I don’t think she’s nominated. Pac-Man, Mr. Pac-Man, and the whole family should win.”

Shhh…brief moment of silence as I ponder the complete ignorance this man showed on national television.

First of all, Pac-Man is a man—hence the name Pac-Man. And given that it doesn’t make sense to name a woman Pac-Man, how much more sense would it make to name another character Mr. Pac-Man? That’s like a nervous twitch that comes out someone’s mouth, “Uhh…Mr. Man Sir!”

This was a complete lie on Mr. Faison’s part. Had he not been on Scrubs, a show I admire and respect, I would have said much meaner things about him here–like how he’s a bad liar and should have just stayed at home like all the other good C-listers.

Isn’t that proof that G-Phoria takes the cake for jumping the shark? Pandering to the masses rather than catering to the faithful followers that helped keep the channel alive is more than an insult–it’s a complete fallacy. Rather have a host and guest presenters from within the video gaming industry, G4 sinks to a low that often comes with the entertainment business: whoring. Perhaps next year Yu-Gi-Oh will win as Best Sports Game, the show will be hosted by Chris Rock’s fourth cousin.

G-Phoria isn’t good for anything except being fodder for a bitter person’s Xanga.

 

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I don’t understand how some of the cartoons shown on Adult Swim are the same cartoons that are shown to young children in Japan.

In case you don’t know, the cartoons shown on Adult Swim are geared more towards mature audiences. There is more violence, gore, and sexual content. It’s a far cry from Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh, and thus is shown at late night when the kids are supposed to be asleep.

But that’s in America. In Japan, most of these cartoons are standard fanfare for young kids. Because they’re animated, contain outlandish and unrealistic situations, and are simple enough for underdeveloped minds to grasp, it is labeled as being suitable for children. Cartoons = kids (usually.)

Consider Full Metal Alchemist. I know that stuff is shown after school for the Japanese kids to watch after they finish their 11 hour days. But here it’s shown at ten at night. I don’t consider it very violent, but there are limbs that become torn off every now and then. And there are also some nasty innuendos, but those are very few and very far between. But it’s still a cartoon—about a boy with mechanical limbs and his brother, whose soul is trapped in a suit of armor. Tell me that entices you to go and copy the violence portrayed in the series.

If Japan shows a cartoon at 7:00 PM for the kids to watch, but the same cartoon is aired late at night in America—what does that mean? Does it mean Japan is less responsible about which messages bombard their youth, or does it mean that America has no faith in a child’s ability to percieve fact from fiction? Right from wrong? Is censorship necessarily beneficial?

I watch a lot of cartoons that would be aired on Adult Swim—that’s the F.O.B in me—and I think it’s a little unfair that certain Japanese cartoons are under such scruntiny just because their content is racier than most Americans are used to. But if you think about American cartoons, they are just as naughty and violent except that we have a tendency to downplay the maturity levels by using animals instead of actual people. Duck Tails, for instance, had these ducks walking around without pants on. That’s pornography! That should be wrong! And then that greedy ass Scrooge McDuck, swimming in his dirty money and spitting it out—you might as well teach a child to lick a subway station urinal.

And Donald Duck keeps getting blown up. And the Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers crash their makeshift walnut airplane into the ground. Then all the members of Tiny Toons have been hit over the head with a blunt object at one point. But is that violent? No, because they’re animals that talk and wear clothes.

(Yet none of them wear pants.)

I guess the real problem is that parents of bad children do not want to admit that they’re children are bad—so they blame cartoons and video games and movies. Bad children will continue to be bad on their own accord. Good children will also be good on their own. It is a conscious choice not based on what they see on television, but what they experience in their own living, breathing environment.

So yeah…more Japanese cartoons during the day! Less American crap (like the oh so terrible Carmen Sandiego cartoon) during any hours people are awake!

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LaToyia Figueroa or Natalee Holloway?

Which name are you more familiar with?

Most likely the latter, right? Everyone knows the case about the missing Alabama teenager who disappeared off the coast of Aruba. It’s the top story on every news program, with details being analyzed and reanalyzed by every news anchor in the country. I am pratically friends with all the individuals involved at this point.

But not very many people know about the pregnant woman who has been missing for almost a week now. Latoyia Figueroa was last seen at a doctor’s appointment with her exboyfriend before disappearing and leaving behind her 5 year-old daughter. Investigators just recently searched the exboyfriend’s home for evidence, and he is now considered a top suspect.

This woman was missing for a week before the story got out to CNN and all the other news programs, and it hardly gets as much coverage as Natalee Holloway’s case. Even Laci Peterson’s disappearance case was aired much sooner after she went missing than Figueroa’s.

The obvious difference between Holloway and Figueroa is their race: Holloway is white and Figureoa is not. It’s already been noted by the very television anchors who continue to talk about Natalee Holloway that cases involving white missing persons gets more publicity than nonwhite cases. They say it’s unfair and sad that there is racial bias when it comes to airing missing person’s cases, but they continue to uphold the discrimination. For every time we hear the story about a missing white person, it’s that much less publicity for a missing nonwhite person.

Who has a right to tell you that finding your child is not as important as finding another child because of their ethnic background? Who decides which story will gain the most viewers? Remember that headless baby that was found many years ago, and whose case was finally closed this year? That story came and went, with very little coverage until it was discovered that her stepfather cut her head off with hedge clippers. This baby was black. Her story, although so gruesome and tragic, it wasn’t the media monolith that it should have been. It should not have taken four years to find the murderers. It probably would have taken less time if the media helped keep the story alive.

I obviously don’t think it’s fair that there are still signs of bias between the races in our everyday life. It’s one thing to keep the discrimination private, but to publicly display such racial preferences is disgusting. Should I go missing, no one will ever hear about it. No one. I’m neither pregnant, a teenager, or white. If I were murdered, so what? No one will know. My Asian ethnicity does not entitle me to being a top story on Headline News.

 

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I watched snippets of the Live 8 concert this week…

This whole time I assumed that the entire point of this musical extravaganza was to raise money to feed the starving people of Africa. Why else would top grade entertainers from all genres of music come together to perform in 8 different countries around the world for free? What other reason would these celebrities collaborate on a dramatic commercial pushing us little people towards this cause? Why? Why? Why?

An estimated 1 million people showed up at these 8 different concerts around the world. But guess what?

The starving Africans will recieve nothing for it. That’s because the concert wasn’t put on to generate money—it was put on to generate awareness.

In order to understand this, one needs to think like a celebrity: in their world, awareness can be used to buy food and medicine. As does a crappy signature on a headshot. Make sense?

The irony of the whole situation though is that while the starving Africans, the focus point of Live 8, will see nothing from these concerts, the performers and celebrity guests recieved $12,000 gift baskets. Yes…those who are already rich and well-fed walked off with more than a starving Ethiopian did. I guess the logic is that now Africans are rich with awareness! And that makes it acceptable for celebrities to be rich with swag.

Live 8 is supposed to motivate leaders into discussing the economic situation of Africa at the next G-8 meeting. That’s fine and dandy, but what about the money that could have been made and donated to the Africans? Wouldn’t that also help feed some people within the country, and at least alleviate the problem just a bit?

If every person who attended Live 8 paid just $1, then $1 million could have been donated to fund the cause. Instead…a whopping $0 and a smile will be given to charity.

I hate celebrity. I feel that Live 8 wasn’t so much a benefit for charity as much as it was a pity cause for celebrities to use as their “Good Deed of the Year.” And what better cause than this? They don’t have to donate anything but their time, and they get luxury gifts in return. They look like angels when really they’re just viewing this as a publicity campaign and a chance to avoid going to Hell.

This just in, more Africans have died of starvation while the members of Cold Play reap the benefits of their $5,000 foot care sets.

 

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I don’t like Mariah Carey. At all. I think she is one of the vainest, most self-centered, and selfish celebrities on this planet. You would think falling out of the limelight and having her career tank for a year would give her back some modesty—but I was wrong and now she’s back with a vengeance.

Just before her new album  was released, MTV did a documentary on her—might have been a “True Life” thing or something–and followed her around on her promotional tour. The thing I remember most about this show was that it showed exactly how shallow Mariah Carey is. She’s sitting there, whining and complaining about going on television with a broken nail—making it seem as if she is sacrificing something huge for the benefit of humanity.

Uhh…remember the tsunami that killed a bunch of people and ruined the livelihood of an entire country? Or the battle in Iraq that’s taking lives everyday? Or the homeless? The hungry? The sick?

No…Mariah Carey’s biggest problem is a broken nail.

Then, as she’s getting her face put on before a show on Letterman, she lifts her leg up onto the table and asks her assistant, “What do we call this?” The slave/assistant runs over, points Carey’s thigh out to the camera, and says, “We call this a rarity. No diet or exercise needed.”

Right…no diet or exercise needed, huh? Guess she didn’t notice what lack of diet or exercise also causes:

Might I use a visual?

Mariah Carey’s Christmas album (note: skinny)

 Mariah Carey now (note: fat ass)

NO DIET OR EXERCISE EQUALS FAT! FAT! FAT! And don’t tell me you people can’t see it.

Rarity my ass. There is nothing rare about a fat thigh that looks skinny when you put it up on a table.

 

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I’ve decided not to label myself a hater anymore. “Hater” is a loser’s word, and is only good for people whose vocabulary does not span beyond simple words like “cat” and “mushroom.”

Call me a “loather” instead. I loathe…I judge…everyone is a miscreant until they prove themselves otherwise. Loathers are refined, educated, and versatile. It’s almost like an episode of Alias, except instead of morphing into various characters to fool the enemy, loathers just pretend to be your friend when really they hate you.

Two-faced? I prefer multi-faceted.

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Chicks who talk about their day get more readers than I do.

Fine…here you go, bitches.

I woke up and sat around with my sister until 9:30. Then I got dressed and we went to Costco. Then after Costco we went back to the apartment to drop off our perishables. Then after that we went to Black Angus. Then after Black Angus I went back to the apartment. Then after that I went to LA. Then after that I went to the gym. Then after that I took a shower. Then after that I watched television.

F*ck you if you found that interesting.

I can’t wait to go to law school so I can go back to hating on people like I used to at USC. Geez…USC was full of weirdos who liked to do weird sh*t. I hope law school is chock full of idiots.