absolutangel64

For lack of better things to discuss…

Making of the Band 3 is such a terrible show. I don’t even know how MTV could even bother to bring back a third installment of the program considering how the bands that were created ended up faring.

Let’s recap:

Making of the Band 1 was managed by Lou Perlman, the “genious” brainchild behind both Backstreet Boys and N’Sync. In an effort to ride the wave that he essentially created, he comes up with O-Town.

Who?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Making of the Band 2 enlisted Puff Daddy as the new manager of his band. He chose to create the antithesis of a boy band: a rap ensemble with a cast of characters that represented all stereotypes of the hip-hop lifestyle. These people were gangstas, and rapped about the hard knock lives they had suffered growing up in the projects. The band was aptly named Da Band.

(Gee, I wonder what inspired that spark of creativity.)

And while you may think it’s because you’re unhip that you’ve never heard of them, Puff Daddy actually ended up disbanding Da Band (haha, get it?) because they just didn’t appreciate the silver platter he had served them with.

(However, I personally think it was just a publicity stunt. Most of the artists from Da Band are still currently signed with Bad Boy, and working on solo projects.)

Now it’s Making of the Band 3, and Puff Daddy is back with a new project. I originally thought that the third part of this never-ending saga would focus on the two members of Da Band that Puff Daddy did keep: Babs and Ness. He announced that he was planning on making them the “Bonnie and Clyde” of the hip-hop world. But aside from seeing them in Mase’s video “Welcome Back,” I don’t think they’re much closer to conquering the rap industry than they were when they were living at home.

Now Puffy wants to create an all-girl group, and he’s already started making cuts from his auditionees. It is a doomed project for various reasons, but in terms of programming this truly is a heinous show to watch.

The girls can sing, but if Puffy is intending on making his group visually appealing, then he should fire the subordinants he hired to pick his girls. Most of them are overweight, and enough of them can’t dance. Puffy himself wasn’t pleased with any of the girls he saw, but was forced to give them a chance because, well, he’s under a contract with MTV.

The girls are just whiny and annoying to watch. They cry and bicker and everything is all about “me, me, me.” And there appears to be a need for common sense, especially when one of the girls (the only Asian girl, for that matter) openly admitted to using the group to jumpstart her solo career.

Hello? Remember Misty from Making of the Band 2? Her desire for a solo career is what got her ass booted from the show.

My predictions for this band are that they will follow in the footsteps of the bands before them: meaning, they’ll go nowhere. And I have proof to backup this hypothesis:

It’s Dream! Puff Daddy’s first girl group that he complied when the boy band/Britney Spears phase was hot and heavy. They had 2 songs that were played on the radio, and then poof! It really was all a dream, girls!

Bottom line: You can make a hot band just as easily as you can fall in love on television. It’s just not happening. The industry won’t consider it a bonafide group, and neither will the music-loving public. It’s only fun to watch shows like Making of the Band and American Idol for the cuts. Plain and simple. After that, expect to see the winners on Surreal Life.

I need help with something.

This is what the streets look like from my apartment:

As you can see, it an average street.

This is what it looks like when there are cars on the street. The green car wants to make a left turn, and has to wait for the light to turn green. The red car also wants to make a left, and has to wait for oncoming traffic to clear. The yellow car wants to make a right, and also only has to wait for oncoming traffic to clear.

The Problem:

Let’s denote my car with “S”. I want to make a left turn, and have to wait for the light. The red car wants to make a left, and does so when traffic is clear. Although this bastard red car wants to go to the right side of the apartment complex, it chooses to drive into me–forcing me to backup–even though there is more than enough space for it to avoid me.

This yellow car wants to make a right in order to go to the right side of the apartment complex.  I want to make a left, and need to wait for the light. Again, lots of space next to me, but the car chooses to drive into me–forcing me to backup and give it space.

Now I am far away from the turn lanes in order to avoid any cars that might turn into me. But to no avail, even when I am backed far, far away from where I would normally be, yellow and red cars both drive into me. I still have to backup even though both cars had enough space to drive anywhere but into me.

So what the hell? These cars clearly have tons of room to make their necessary turns without driving into me head-first, but the drivers somehow insist that where I am sitting is the best turning spot. I can’t stray too far from the left turn lane because then I’ll just get cut off by other cars who want to make left turns. So where am I supposed to wait? A, B, or C? I’ve done them all and almost every time I run into the same problem.

Is it me? Do I lack left turn etiquette?

I recieved Xenosaga as a gift, but I can’t play it anytime soon because my cat bit through my last PS2 controller last night. That would make it a total of 5 controllers he has ruined in only 3 months.

Cat Destruction Inventory

2 Laptop AC Adapters

5 PS2 Controllers

1 Set of Computer Speakers

3 Telephone Cords

1 Video/Audio PS2 Cable

1 Keyboard Adapter

1 Gameboy AC Adapter

It’s sad that I even have a list to begin with. I’ve been reduced to having to cover my wires and cords up with these wire protectors that are usually used in heavy duty construction and auto repair. It looks tacky having these fat protectors tangled up under my desk and hanging from my television. But that’s life for someone who is obsessed with cuteness.

I missed the special news report on furries and plushies. If you’ve not heard of it—then good! It’s disturbing and awesomely nasty! I only wanted to watch the program because I couldn’t believe how weird some people are! No offense to you those of you who like to have sex with stuffed animals—however, you have to admit, it’s kind of icky. Whoops, just gave it away!

I know about 60% of you will google “furries plushies” after you read this. The other 40% won’t even get this far down my entry—damn you skimmers.

The Asian Conversation…

A general Asian to Non-Asian conversation might go like this:

Non-Asian: So what are you? Japanese?

Asian: No. I’m Chinese.

Non-Asian: Oh…(insert lame excuse about why he/she guessed incorrectly, without letting Asian know that it’s because all Asians look alike.)

*Pause*

Non-Asian: I knew a guy who lived in Japan for a few years

Asian: Oh…that’s cool (Thinking: No, it’s not)

You will have at least one conversation like this if you’re Asian. It’s one of those things that’s inevitably going to happen in your lifetime simply because your eyes are slanted and your hair is naturally black.

It always starts out with the ethnicity check. You’re not just an Asian–the person you’re speaking to, regardless of whether or not they will ever see you again, will want to know specifically what kind of Asian you are. That information is probably even more important  than what your name is. It’s as if labelling yourself gives other people a better idea of what kind of person you are…but really, it’s just a polite form of stereotyping.

However posing the ethnicity question is a guaranteed invitation for Awkward Silence because, face it, there really isn’t a lot a person can go on when someone answers you with, “I’m Chinese.” You can’t say anything other than the lame, “Oh, that’s cool…” or “Really?” or even worse…

The Generalist’s Answer.

You tell them you’re Chinese, they respond with knowing someone who lived in Japan. Or that they watch Korean dramas. Or they like pho. It could practically be anything.

China is a country in Asia, but since the Non-Asian doesn’t know anything about China or the Chinese, he/she will pull any piece of information they can about another Asian country and somehow fuse China and this other Asian country together as one. They just make all Asian countries one to cover for that Awkward Silence they caused with their nosiness. By pulling the Generalist’s Answer they are hoping that because we all look alike, our experiences are the same too.

So living in China is the same as living in Japan, Korea, or any other Asian country. And being Chinese is the same as being any other Asian.

So when you hear, “I knew someone who lived in Japan,” in response to, “I’m Chinese,” or whatever you are…you know that the other person is just pulling crap out their ass because they have no idea how to respond to your answer.

When someone pulls the Generalist’s Answer on me and expects me to think they’re more open-minded about the Asian culture just because they have a friend who’s Korean, or their roommate studied abroad in Thailand–it offends me. Bad enough you have to ask me about my ethnicity, but that you’re so ignorant as to think that being Chinese is the same as being any other Asian race truly insults my intelligence. I don’t run around asking other people what they are, and I don’t think being from Egypt is the same as being from South Africa even though both countries are in Africa. Nor do I think that the French are the same as the Germans. It goes on…

We’re all different even though we’re under the banner of “Asian.” But the mystery that is being Asian keeps us stuck in this routine of having to define ourselves specifically, and then listen to someone’s boring ass story about how they’ve always wanted to go to our homeland, or how they like eating ethnic food.

How would you like it if you told me you were Mexican, and I told you that I like eating tacos? I think you’d kick my ass.

It’s racist…but because we’re Asian, and we get it all the time, no one thinks twice about having these types of conversations with us.

Why doesn’t anyone else know about the story of Houston (that guy who raps “I like dat…I like dat…I like dat…”) gouging out his own eye? It’s the best story I’ve heard so far this year. Rapper takes out his own eye because his soul is entrenched in a battle between being a raunchy rapper and a devout Christian. It’s two weeks old or something, but I had to bring it up because I didn’t have anything else to talk about.

My Ex-Lax entry is my favorite. Toot! Toot!

http://www.xanga.com/skin.asp?user=absolutangel64&tab=weblogs&fid=0&nextdate=12%2F10%2F2004+8%3A31%3A43+PM&direction=n&bflag=

An entry filled with Too Much Information…

WARNING: DISCUSSION ABOUT MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS FOLLOW!

My bowels and I have a love/hate relationship. One the one hand, Mr. Bowels removes waste products from my body and gives me that nice, empty feeling in my intestines. He also relieves my belly pressure by releasing the toxic gas that has built up from eating too much Mexican good.

One the other hand, Mr. Bowels does not always function the way he is supposed to. Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly ill, he will not allow me to properly utilize the toilet’s functions. I’ll just end up sitting there for long moments, trying to squeeze ANYTHING out of my body for some relief.

The most annoying habit of my bowels is the “I’m Finished—Just Kidding!” movement. It’s when I’ll sit on the toilet and do my smelly deeds, then afterwards when I’ve wiped clean I’ll suddenly have to drop more deeds. Then I’ll wipe again, only to realize that I have the urge to drop deeds again.

For those of you who don’t do it, wiping after the big DO-DO can be a pain depending on the texture and consistency of your–ahem–byproduct. If it’s just a shooter, then two wipes will do. But if it’s a creamed corn husk, then you might as well be armed with an extra roll of two-ply.

It’s when your poo is the latter (creamed corn husk) that makes the “I’m Finished—Just Kidding!” movement one of the most irritating and time consuming activities of the day. Not only do you have to wipe 20+ times to get the first run clean, but you’d have to wipe an extra 40+ times to clean up any other subsequent movements. That’s a lot of toilet paper, and a lot of patience. Plus if your bathroom stinks, it’s even more of a nightmare.

Now that I think about it, though, I don’t know how common this problem is. I’m starting to think I need to eat more fiber or something.

I have been having a problem with boogers lately…

I just have too many in my nose. Every day I have to pick out large boogers just to breathe. The problem is aggravating, especially since there appears to be no reason for me to be forming so many pieces of crust in my nose in the first place.

So I did some research about the formation of boogers (which apparently do not have a more scientific sounding name to go by) in order to understand why I have them. Tada! my friends, I have found the answer at http://kidshealth.org/kid/talk/yucky/booger.html.

To understand what boogers are, you need to know about mucus (say: myoo-kus). Mucus is the thin, sticky, slimy stuff that’s made inside your nose. If you’re like a lot of kids, you have another name for nose mucus: snot. Your nose makes about a cupful (about 237 milliliters) of snot every day.

Mucus has a pretty important job – it protects the lungs. When you breathe in air through your nose, it contains lots of tiny things, like dust, dirt, germs, and pollen. If these made it all the way to the lungs, the lungs could get hurt and it would be tough to breathe. Luckily, snot helps trap this stuff, keeping it in the nose and out of the lungs.

After this stuff gets stuck inside the nose, the mucus surrounds it and some of the tiny hairs inside the nose called cilia (say: sih-lee-uh). These hairs help move the mucus and the trapped stuff toward the front of the nose or the back of the throat. When the mucus and the dirt dry and clump together, you’re left with a booger. Boogers can be squishy and slimy or tough and crumbly. Everybody gets them, so they’re not a big deal. In fact, boogers are a sign that your nose is working the way it should!

If you have to get rid of boogers, your best bet is to blow ’em out of your nose and into a tissue. Picking your nose isn’t a great idea because boogers contain lots of dirt and germs and because poking around in your nose can make it bleed.

So my whole booger problem stems from an issue of dirty air! And the huge boogers in my nose can only mean that I breathe in the most disgusting air in all of California. Thank you, cats.

Has anyone else experienced the Disappearing Poo Phenomenon?

It’s when you make poo, but when you look in the toilet it’s NOT THERE.

I’ve had this happen to me on numerous occasions, with one instance being–oh–5 minutes ago. I sat on the toilet, let go of my burdens, and wiped clean with Kirkland brand toilet tissue. However, when I stood up to flush there was nothing in the toilet but toilet paper. Seriously. I even looked for it.

I thought maybe I had a moment of absent-mindedness and accidentally pooped on the floor, but there was nothing there when I looked. So where could my toxic waste have gone?

I’m thinking it just swam into the toilet and committed suicide without my having to flush it away. I guess that saves me the energy I would have used to push the handle, but still, how unsettling is that?

You know what’s really sad?

I only want to get married just so I can eat my wedding cake. Mmm…cake. Lots and lots of cake. I’ll have a huge cake fit for 500 guests, and only invite 20 people so I can eat the rest.

This just in: Ashlee Simpson denies reports that she has no talent. In response to her booed performance at the Orange Bowl, she blames not being able to hear herself sing and unsatisfied Oklahoma fans. She believes that because she was cheering for a USC win, many pro-Sooner attendees were offended and showed their dismay. She refuses to acknowledge any involvement in her screeching, parrot act at the half-time show.

That excuse just goes up there with the acid-reflux excuse…

I saw an SUV with a body kit yesterday. I didn’t even know they made body kits for SUVs, but I guess they do. It looked like such a menacing vehicle, and at any minute I thought it was going to turn into a   man—ala Transformer style.

That’s Maximus Prime…Optimus Prime’s half-brother.