absolutangel64

I went out to dinner a few nights ago and recognized one of the restaurant’s patrons as a sorority girl who went to USC at the same time I was there (I’m not going to say she went to USC with me because that would imply that we were friends…I don’t want to be linked to slutty trash). She was with her male “friend”…which could mean anything nowadays…and was wearing a small T-shirt wrapped up so that her stomach was showing and a pair of tight jeans. Oh, and she accessorized her ho-bag outfit with a pair of tires coming out the waistband of her two-sizes-too-small jeans. That’s right: she was sporting a MUFFIN TOP. And no amount of pancake make-up or brown highlights was going to hide it.

I overhear a woman behind me whisper in Chinese, “that girl looks terrible.” Word, lady, word.

(I bet that girl lives on Drury Lane…please tell me someone got that joke because it was sheer genius on my part.)

I don’t have anything against sorority girls…what you people do with your money is your own business…but I do have a problem with bulging bellies that should be completely covered underneathe layers and layers of cloth, and then chained up with a big “Hazardous” sign attached to the front. It doesn’t matter who or what you are: if you’ve got a muffin top, you’re on my sh*t list.

What’s the deal, ladies? Whatever happened to taking care of our appearances? If the jean feels too tight, it probably is. But if it looks too tight, it most definitely is. And maybe your legs look great in those jeans you no longer fit in, and maybe your butt has never looked better…but no one is going to be noticing those assets if all they can see is your gut drooping off the sides.

And guys, what are you thinking? You’re probably right in assuming that this girl is really slutty and is going to great lengths to get your attention–and therefore you’re automatically guaranteed a one-night stand–but you’re banging a girl with a belly. And you know she doesn’t have an excuse for that belly other than that she is too lazy to exercise and she thinks she’s better looking than she really is…that’s not a lay worth bragging about. “Woah dude…I got with Fat Fannie…she’s easy…” Well duh…she’s got a nasty belly.

Remember this?