There is probably no such thing as “proper blogging”, but there should be because some people are seriously abusing the literate community with their noxious brain waste! Those whose blogs make us regret learning how to read are usually punished by getting beat down with rubber hoses, but since I don’t have time to hunt them down I’m just going to have to do the next best thing: educate the masses on what I believe is good blogging behavior! *cue “O Fortuna”* Naturally, I’m sure some of you are wondering what makes me the proper authority to dictate such rules. My answer: I have a tree growing out of my ass, with the words “blogging etiquette” carved into the bark…A.K.A. I have no authority.
Lesson 1: Profile Pictures
The profile picture is an important part of a person’s profile. It’s the first thing visitors use to decide whether or not you’re worth their time. Depending on how you want to manipulate the system, you can either put up a picture that summarizes your blogging style, or put up a picture that contradicts it so much that people start to question your identity. My own profile picture seems to fall into the latter category because I always get asked (1) if I’m an ugly ass using someone else’s pictures, or (2) if I’m really a dude who has been impersonating a girl for the past 4 years. I will be addressing those questions later–but until then, you can all wonder if I’m really a leathery swamp monster with a penis.
Considering the importance of the profile picture, it’s not surprising that many people will use their best photos. However, this may be difficult for those of you who aren’t necessarily photogenic or have a lot of pictures of yourselves to begin with. Under those circumstances, you will have to make do by taking a picture of yourself–which is not an easy feat because you’re basically guessing where to hold the camera or how to angle your face. The process takes way too long and isn’t worth the effort.
To get around these difficulties, many people have resorted to standing in front of a mirror and taking a picture of their reflections with their cell phones. With this method, they can see how they look on the screen and determine where to hold the camera and which side of their faces they like better. Such creativity deserves praise–except that the pictures all look like sh*t:
When I see pictures like these, I get the impression that you are not only a waste of time, but a waste of skin. These are, by far, the worst profile pictures ever! It’s got nothing to do with the quality; they are terrible only because the flaws could have easily been avoided if you had thought about it a little. You just needed to face your phone screens towards the mirror instead. Yes, I know this means the lens will be facing you, but shut the f*ck up, dumb ass! The mirror will reflect the image on the camera, so you can still make adjustments before you take the picture.
See? With this method, there is no weird flash thing or wayward eyes! Don’t know if it will help with the graininess though…hey, I’m not a miracle worker!
absolutangel64 
first! hahaha now i’ll read it
loved this post!
You should make more “lessons”, maybe one each week?
hahaha i am a stickler for people who don’t use real photos as their profile….
i like knowing who i am talking to hahaha
@shake_things_up – OMG! How do you do it?!
And no need to claim “first”! That’s an honor that should be given to sites with actual traffic, like yours!
@absolutangel64 – i’m on xanga a lot… hahaha i should be studying sigh… i like reading peoples thoughts…and i happen to be on just when you wrote your entry
Haha, good lesson. Very important.I feel smart now. I always face the screen towards so I can see myself without the camera in the picture. Woo!Oh, and it helps a little with graininess, especially if you’re using a camera phone (though I don’t know why people would. most of the time the quality is terrible).
I always feel like a dumbass when I try mirror pictures. Luckily, I use the proper technique 97% of the time when camwhoring. =)
ryc: Yep, it’s Spanish. Basically, I had a bad day. But then the link at the bottom cheered me up.
good post!
are planning on making this a weekly lesson series? Because that would just be so awesome if you did.
hey I have a profile photo … all you need to do is click ok on the box *snickersnicker … hurhur* .YAY!!! Your artwork is back !!!
and why am I so cheap … you left so many mini’s for me ..
Haha, I love the illustrated lesson 🙂
i like ur blog style.. u must teach me oh wise one.. and wut is this mini business? should i save for a pricey one?
will do up the hair into pigtails and try as the picture suggests… if any non-criminal-appearing photos develop, will notify you FIRST. too funny!
Hmmm, already failed lesson 1, crap.
Haha! Incredibly true, not only for Xanga, but for Facebook.And I’m sure Myspace as well, but I don’t use that trash.That’s why I’ve got a picture of…. er…. ink. It lets people make look like whatever they want me to in their minds.
“Those whose blogs make us regret learning how to read are usually punished by getting beat down with rubber hoses”That’s the best quote ever!
Call Helen Keller! You are THE miracle worker!A possible addendum to your procedure would be to possibly turn off the flash? =D
great tip! maybe i should take a shot of my profile pic thru a mirror!
LOL!!!
Nice idea for those people that can’t think how to get a decent picture.
cartoon’s got 90’s coolio hair…nice
Haha, love the picture tutorial. 🙂 Nice work.
I’d tell those people to GET A FRIEND…maybe they’d take the picture then. Though I’ve had some crazy pics for my profile…I should probably go through them and delete….
i don’t know… i’d say that tree gives you more authority than you give it credit for…
You’re a genius.
I only read blogs of people with hawt profile pix.
Great lesson!
Actually a lot of time this still ends up with wayward eyes, as people will stare at the screen in the mirror instead of the lens, but that just means they’re only slightly smarter than the people who do it the other way.
i wanna see some mirror pictures of you! haha 🙂 I realized if I wanted more traffic onto my site, I just post a picture of myself. If I didn’t want that much traffic, I just post a scenery picture. Since i am cheap now, and I want to use my credits to buy premium~ I guess i’ll have to find some slutty pictures of chicks on myspace to be my profile picture. Anything to get freebies right? I’m so asian! haha 😀
lol this is quite funny… I’ve never taken a pic of myself in the mirror with a cell phone. Wait, that’s actually not a bad idea. Why didn’t I think of that? 😮
Okay, so when is the lesson on using Microsoft Paint for us Ludites?
you would also think that a person who has a digital camera would take multiple pictures until they get a good picture…unless of course they think that the picture they post is the best one. problem’s also solved if they actually try to ask someone else to take it for them.
hehhhehe yeah i noticed that when I first saw your page! =) Go January Birthdays! Woot!
haha, i shall now go and try said method described. actually, i grab whatever random pic i had and used it. unfortunately, four days ago, i reformatted my computer without first backing up pics X(
Hah! I hate pictures like that too. So I developped that method. But oh shoot, I didn’t copyright it. Great, now you’re stealing it, and telling it to the whole world! Wait, I forgot you have only that many readers. LOL.
Just kidding.
It doesn’t help with the graininess, btw.
I’d do an ixnay on the pepper spray- you’re spicy enough as it is. =)However, to make you feel more comfortable, I’ll be stocking up on chloroform.
Hehe, I had mine taken by a friend at a debate tournament in my totally HAWT silver shirt. I love that silver shirt, I have worn it at state speech tournaments twice and won wearing it, it’s my lucky shirt, and my pink shirt is second luckiest.