I had to use the bathroom before class, and instead of sitting on the toilet I chose to pee while squatting over the seat.
It wasn’t because the bathroom was a cesspool of filth (far from it, since it’s a law school and thus goes out of its way to avoid being sued). And it was not because I was trying to be “green” by forgoing a paper seat cover—no, no way. While I use both sides of every sheet of paper before sending it to a recycling center, and opt for cloth napkins instead of paper whenever possible—I refuse to stop using those paper sani-seats. I will let the planet burn me to death before I let my butt touch a public toilet.
Anyway, I had a toilet seat cover and everything, but nevertheless decided to squat because of this:
Yes, the brand name of the covers is “Life Guard.”
I only discovered this last Tuesday, and found it pretty funny–but that was until I actually thought about it. The name “Life Guard” implies that the cover is highly superior to that of other brands. Indeed, if I had a choice between using a “Life Guard” and a “Health Guard,” I’d definitely choose the former—and you should too. Afterall, we’re not just talking about a thin sheet of paper with a hole cut out of middle here. We’re talking about a thin sheet of paper with a hole cut out of the middle that protects you from wayward fecal matter and urine residue, and also guards your life…
…but from what? What the hell is on the toilet seat that is potentially life-threatening and requires such a severe safety precaution? I mean, this whole time I thought the only things I needed to worry about were random pee or poop leftovers. Now, it turns out I could have been sitting on a toilet seat that was covered with a mutant form of Staph, Ebola, Clostridium Botulinum, or that parasite that causes Elephantiasis?! Nooo!!!
I’m never sitting on another public toilet seat again! Squat-peeing for life!
absolutangel64 
see i’m surprised this is a novelty. because i have ALWAYS peed squatting. why would i touch a public pee station!it does wonders for your thighs. you’ll see.
nice drawings
I always give u my footprints babie.. and u can ask me to marry u all day/nite long.. just letting u know i can take care of all ur ‘needs’ HAHAI was just telling Tim00 that you are making me a xanga lesbian Lol!!Anyway, I am considering the lasering thing.. that would be SOOO good.. i seriously fail at shaving.. I think the money I paid for the wax would be greater than the laser eventually. Love the illustration.. i always try to make one and it look TERRIBLE.. I feel like I am seriously on the short bus when i look at my drawings.. perhaps it’s due to my 5 thumbs
That is the cutest pee droplet ever…I’m not weird.
@tim00 – o WOW… that was a lot of imagery for me in the morning penguin O.O
Glad I’m a guy and I don’t have to deal with all that. But it reminds me of the joke…So after God was done with creation, he still had two gifts left to give out to Adam and Eve. “So here are your choices. First, you can have the ability to pee standing up, so you can relieve yourself whenever and wherever you like. The second choice is…” Adam quickly jumps up and down shouting,”Oh me me! I’ll take that!” God asks Eve, “Are you OK with that? I haven’t told you both the second choice yet” Eve replies back, “If Adam really wants it that bad, I’ll let him have it.” God agrees, and soon Adam is writing his name on the sand with his newfound ability. “So what do I get then?”, Eve asks God. “Multiple orgasms.”
love the diagrams…
funny i came across this because i was ranting about a similar situation.i find more often than not that every single time i go to the bathroom the toilet seat is COVERED in piss. i look around. this is a lady’s bathroom, this makes no sense sine we sit down to pee. i look around and it’s like ALL the toilets are COVERED in piss or some other form of bodily waste. no, it’s not water that has found its way on the seat due to strong automatic flushes because as far as i know, the water is not yellow, red or a mixture of some other undesirable color. is there toilet paper? yes. are there toilet seat covers? yes. do the toilet seat covers fit? maybe. but even if they didn’t, you could always double up on them. so what the hell is the reasoning to piss and waste being all over the damn seats?!
Lifeguard must be a very rich company…it’s everywhere!
you’re pwetty! i swear i’m not a psycho stalker!!
Holy Shit, your last comic picture made me laugh so hard. I couldnt stop smiling even when I tried, its halarious, haha.
Aren’t I glad I can stand up?