The superficial portion of society (i.e., 100% of it) seems to harbor a common ideology about boobs (“Boobieology”): the bigger they are, the better. And as long as a woman’s rack conforms to this standard, it does not matter if her breasts are Blessedly Beautiful or Silicone Sexy. They could probably even be inflated with bags of beef stew and still be appealing–more so if the implants were filled with “Dinty Moore”. Can you imagine how great the world would be if that were an option? I’d totally get myself some double-D’s, and have two extra boobs implanted next to them. Then I’d have four beef stew breasts! That’s not just awesome, that’s awesome4.
Anyway, when viewed according to society’s Boobieology, my chest would probably be considered pretty pathetic. I wear a 32 B, which is not much considering the bounty of larger sizes plastic surgery has to offer. But I don’t care simply because as a 5’6″, 110 pound, Asian woman, my body is only built for 32 B’s; anything more would just make me grossly disproportionate. In other words, when viewed as an entire person, my chest–pathetic as it may be–starts to look pretty damn good. So screw you, Boobieology!
…And if you disagree, you can go eat a dick! You’re probably someone who paid money for mutant mammaries anyway (I sense a new “X-Men” character!).
Let’s not take this out of context though: I’ve got nothing against implants. I watched Howard Stern’s show back when it was airing on “E!,” and the women who would try to win free boob jobs had abnormally small breasts–to the point where if you showed someone a picture of a contestant’s chests and a picture of a prepubescent boy’s chest, they wouldn’t be able to tell which one was female. In other words, these chicks had negative boobage.
What I am against is when girls with bodies that are perfectly suited for gently-sloping hills instead opt for massive mountain ranges. How is having a proportionate body with proportionate breasts be a bad thing? If you’ve got the figure for an A, you’re going to look hot with the A. But if you decide to move to a B or C, you stop looking hot and start looking more like a hot mess that was conceived in a toxic waste dump. At that point, you might as well go all the way and have your plastic surgeon transform you into Blanka from “Street Fighter.” I so cannot be the only person out there who thinks this.
However, to be fair, I’ve never been in any position to augment my chesticles, and maybe my negativity stems from my ignorance. My guy friends always tell me to stick with what I’ve got because fake boobs have a weirdness about them that actually turns them off. They admit they used to find them mesmerizing–having also been followers of Boobieology–but that changed when they actually had the chance to feel a pair. And whatever it was they experienced was enough to make them say “no” to the unnatural.
(Question: do any other guys feel this way?)
But I am the exact opposite of my guy friends: I don’t think very highly of plastic boobs even though I haven’t had the opportunity to test them out. Thus, there is a possibility that my opinions could change if I squeezed a few chemical casaba melons. So…any fine ladies feel like getting felt up? I promise to be gentle.
(But seriously…what do fake breasts feel like?)
Because I don’t have much of a conclusion, allow me to end with the story that started it all…
I try not to go out whenever I am home for the summer because there is a very, very good chance I’ll run into a few of my high school classmates. It’s always awkward and uncomfortable because I haven’t really seen them in 8 years, and having to act cordial towards people who thought they were too popular to acknowledge me really puts a strain on my already sub-par acting skills. Oh, I get it: you were better than me when you were on the varsity football team and I was just some lowly nerd taking AP classes. But now that you’re a professional gas-pumper and I’m working on my JD, we’re equals! Thanks…
Unfortunately, my desire for Cinnabons was too great and I wound up exposing myself to “Threat Level: Classmate” when I went to the mall recently. And, sure enough, I ran into one of the class skanks taking a smoke break right next to the Cinnabon store. We did the “hi, how are you?” routine…I think. I’m not really sure because I was totally distracted by her huge boobs–and by “huge,” I mean “elephant tits.” But that’s what they looked like, people. This girl is about 4’3″, maybe weighs about 100 pounds, and has boobs that are almost as big as her own head. At some point, I bet I started talking to one of her breasts because I got it confused with her face.
And then Giant Jugs said, “Yeah, I got new boobs. I had to, though, because of a deviated septum.”
…Okay…
absolutangel64 
Oh, I just saw a pic on there of a chick that had a reduction. Sad, really, since if she went on a dieting/weight training/cardio regimine, she’d shrink them down and not have a problem and it would be cheaper.
My boobs are huge, but hey, they’re natural! Haha. And, I feel they suit my body, just because I’ve had them since puberty and I think it’s proportionate to the rest of my body — I’m not skinny all over, I’m naturally curvacious. Speaking of your huge-boobed friend: there was this girl that I heard about at my old job — they said she was like 4 foot, 90 pounds, with boobs bigger than mine. I was like whooaaa. I think that’s nuts. Each person, I think, has to work with what they got. You’re right, I’m sure your size looks just fine on you because it’s proportionate to the rest of your body. Bigger boobs don’t always equal a better looking person. Sometimes elephant tits are just gross …It’s like those models that are super skinny with huge butts. I don’t think that’s hot at all, but then again, I’m a girl, so hell, who knows. In fact, I find it quite disgusting. And, I’m not just saying that to hate. I just think it looks ridiculously disproportionate and weird.
It’s all about proper proportion. It’s clear that some women never attended the economic class when the the subject of “Point of diminishing returns” was discussed.
I put a picture of new boobies at the end of each of my posts and they’re all pretty small. Why? Because small boobs are the sexy and even more to the point, they’re the sexy. Repetitive repetition reinforces! But seriously, the era of monstrous, plastic mountain ranges is coming to an end, and I’m here to tell you that I’d rather climb a B Cup than a D any day. ;)Ps, you write saucily!
what …does a devia…nevermind.I would totally date a female Blanka.
Lol! u never fail to amuse..I agree with the proportion thing. I’m happy with what I’ve got too because I keep hearing from women who have bigger boobs that they do get backaches from time to time. Speaking of boobs, where I come from, most shops that sell bras will usually have the A & B cups available with abit (or alot, depending on the effect u want) of padding. That’s because they know we’re Asians and well, the majority of our women don’t possess the stereotyped “Western” Double-D boobs. I think it’s alright though, because sometimes a tight top or dress could press onto your boobs and make them seem smaller than they really are and so the padding helps. Plus, the bit of padding hides the “headlights” and the bra functions to sort of keep things in place or give shape (which is what T-shirt bras do). Anyway, I also believe that boob size can change as time goes by. My mom used to be an A when she first got married. Then after having kids and whatnot, she’s now a curvaceous D. Hmmm.. wonder if the same boob genes were passed onto me…-iReNe-
I have to feel them to know how they are…We can setup an appointment, I am pretty free.
Hehe. Your xanga is so funny.
Personally, I like proportion. A girl who’s five feet tall, and has DD boobs just isn’t sexy. It’s gross.
L-O-FUCKING-L.Yeah, fake boobs feel so much…you know, ugly. They’re kinda like you’re grabbing basketballs. And it wouldn’t matter if they’re big or not, I’m a butt-e-ologist myself. =)
omg. i was dying when i read this entry. i love it.as for fake boobs, a few of my friends got them done. they feel really jiggly like… water balloons????
I have a friend who was talking to another woman about large breasts. My friends said she could tell whether large breasts were fake or not. The other lady, a fake boob proponent, disagreed and asked how. My friend said ask her if she likes them and she says yes then they are fake.Another person I know was teased mercilessly in early high school because she was flat as a pancake. All of a sudden in 10th grade she got mondo boobs out of nowhere. She was still tiny with a big chest. They’re real. And they often hurt her back. While flat and sad she would pray for boobs. I think her prayers worked a little too well.
What does a deviated septum have to do with jugs?
Proportion is very important. As a guy, i agree with you. It probably helps that I am also not a “boob man.”However, what is more important than size to me is shape. To be honest, the whole “wet sock hanging from the chest” look really does nothing for me. Wait no, it does do something for me. It makes me want to close my eyes and wish she would put her shirt back on. Let’s face it. some women have really saggy flappy boobs. In these cases where boobs become a bit repulsing, I think it is something they should consider. Not for the size increase, but to reshape the boobs.