absolutangel64

Forgive me for inadvertently giving you all the silent treatment. I have been in China for the past few days to check out mail-order brides and train for the Olympics. I’m trying to get a gold medal in the “How Long One Can Survive a Public Bathroom in a Chinese Mall” competition. What do you mean that’s not a sport? Using a public bathroom in China (and Taiwan, for that matter) requires the power of steroids, er, strength of mind and body or else you will never be able to survive the suffocating smell of old, rancid urine. It’s an endurance sport, I tell you! Endurance! visit friends and family, and unfortunately Xanga is one of the sites the Internet always has trouble connecting to. Must be because the government knows democracy can be purchased with Credits.
 
Anyway…
 
While I don’t consider myself a violent person, when I feel like I am being taken advantage of, it really makes me wish I could have a Michael-Corleone-bathroom-gun-scene moment and punish that person like a total badass. I would even go so far as to give up a vital organ if it meant I could get the chance to make mashed potatoes out of the nuts of some jerk who thought he could profit off my vulnerabilities.
 
For example, this asshat cab driver I came across in Shanghai. I was having a late dinner with my cousin and a friend, and by the time we were done the subway had stopped running for evening; it was also raining pretty hard. Apparently, when these two factors occur, it gives cab drivers the right to inflate their fees. Thus, although the cab ride from our hotels to the restaurant was only 30 yuan (about $4), it was going to cost us 130 yuan ($18) to get home! 
 
Luckily—and I use that word very, very loosely—we managed to get a cab to take us back for a mere 100 yuan ($ do the math yourself). This was after we had been trying to find a legitimate driver for almost half an hour, while at the same time fending off the many shady weirdoes who offered us rides. So by the time I was finally able to get into a cab, I was not only tired–I was also incredibly pissed-the-f*ck-off…so pissed that during the entire ride home, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to ninja star the cab driver’s face, or Wolverine one of his ears off. Imagine how badass I would be if, right when he dropped us off and demanded his money, I Hadoken’d his dumbass and then beat him with a rubber hose covered in lice. Oh man…sometimes I turn myself on!
 
But…knowing me, it is better that I lack the power to badassly punish people since I’d most likely end up using it in situations were badassing would be excessive and completely unnecessary.

Bad Fast Food Badassing!

Bad Hygenic Gym Behavior Badassing!