I had just returned from grocery shopping, and was taking an elevator back to the apartment.
I had just walked into an atmosphere of ass!
It didn’t smell like a regular fart though. It was instead one of those warning farts you get right before you have explosive diarrhea–i.e., stankextreme.
A few floors into being suffocated by this noxious ass gas, someone else got onto the elevator.
And then…
Under normal circumstances, I would have just let this woman think I was the culprit and be done with it–but it smelled like death in there, people, and I didn’t want to be known as the person who turned the elevator into a hot box of butt mist. But I, with my subpar thinking-on-the-fly skills, couldn’t think of anything except: I should blog this.
What should I have done???
absolutangel64 
Blame it on her
awesome paint skillz. plus u mastered superscript, with stank ^ extreme. impressive…i have no idea how to handle that situation. i would probably break out my cellphone and start a fake conversation to avoid having to talk to her…
haha i agree with scrooge!I would have just put my tissue over my nose and forget about what people think.. -.- my nose/lungs comes first!
it’s all in the timing – just like when my SO would ask “do i look fat?” there’s an exact scientific time period where you can respond “no”.in the same way – the correct scenario would be:she: mutters ugh muttersin 2.398 seconds you respondsyou: “seriously, at least you didn’t have to ride up in this all those other floors.”
If youre gonna get blamed for it, might as well take the accolades that go along with such a magnificent atrocious fart. “Ty Ty Ty, I do bar mitzvahs and weddings too… Care to pull my finger again?”
just give her a big smile 😀
I would’ve done the same thing, but the best thing to do would start a friendly conversation. “Doesn’t it smell horribly? OMG!” My Phil class the other day smelled like a monkey house at the zoo, hot and wet and poopy.
umm hold ur nose as she came in and make faces….. ?
I would’ve spread/wave the smell to her side and say something clever like, “Here, I don’t want it, you can have it back!” haha~
give her your xanga..
Ha. ^^ Give her your xanga. =P
lol, I would have had the same malfunction as you.
Do nothing and go along with the confusion. You got to give credit to whoever blasted the elevator with the human stink bomb. 😉
Or else, how could have this entry? =)
LMAO 😉
lol akward! I would step out and wait for another elevator, or spray it down cuz I always carry a spray for stinky places aha
@Scrooge0 – i like that idea
you should have gotten out at the next floor and yelled “YOU’RE DISGUSTING” then walked off haughtily*nod*and lol @ buttmist. yuck
Make a comment like she did and either she’ll think you’re commiserating or she’ll think you thought she did it and be embarrassed.
make a stink face to show your empathy and innocense!
Tell her, “did you just see the ugly guy who got off and cracked one?”
What I want to know is where are your groceries? If you ate all of them before you got on the elevator, then what did you do with the bags?
omg that’s way hilarious!!! loli wouldn’t know what to do either 😐
HAHAHA either way, she’d still think you dropped that stinky bomb… cus if you said “oh umm I wasn’t the one responsible for the smell here…” then she’d think you were making shit up cus you were embarrassed… hahahah that’s hilarious though, I’ve totally been in similar situation…
Fresh baked air biscuits. Delightful 🙂
Haha! Nice pictures and love the hilarious post!You should have pretended to talk on the cellphone all loud and cough and say to the other line, “I am sorry. What did you say again? This elevators smells like ass.” LOL. ;P
cover your mouth the whole trip in the elevator… maybe even warn her.
i would’ve just looked at her and said…WTF?! you stink =D
“It wasnt me” … LOL… but they still woulda thought so.
LMAO That is too funny!!!I would have been like “Dude, it wasn’t me! It smelled like ass when I got on.”
Maybe you should have made small talk with her, about whether they should pipe in some Lawrence Welk as elevator music and then segwaved that into a conversation about Al Green’s big hit, “Let’s Stay Together” and started boogying down and humming, and lipfarting a little big, like hum, bop, ppp ppp, hmm hmm…ppp pppp, laa, laaaa, hmm hmmm hmmm hmmmm, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-BAAA, ba-baaaa…..pppp pppp ba ba ba ba ba BAAAA baaa baaaa….izz all right wit’ meeee-eeee-eeeeee, oooh ooooh, ooohhh….BA BA BA…” y’know what I mean? And shaking your butt in the elevator in time with the music and the FONK.I’m sort of glad that you didn’t meet the person who laid that nice Hershey fart in there, but imagine if somebody’d uked in there and you stepped in it by accident (and there was some rice and some leftover chicken in the uke) or stepped in dog poo in your Ferragamos. That would have been worse.German Shepards are very fastidious about where they poop so I doubt that a German Shepard would take a dump in an elevator, especially not with humans watching. They’re dignified canines. Piss and poop have more significance in the animal world than we realize, maybe?
Spray perfume before anyone get’s on…? I don’t know…
lol, omg. i don’t know!
should have said i know smells like someone died in here
random props… that was pretty funny haha =p
I would have taken the stairs if it smelled that badly.
“It wasn’t me, I swear!!!”@whotakethmycoke – hahahaha. best response
lol it’s ok. you know it wasn’t you. that’s all that matters 🙂
blame is on the invisible dog
I probably would have started a conversation about the revolting smell. Just how did you tell the other elevator passenger that it wasn’t you?
The pictures are so cutesy that it don’t look like it smells that bad 😀
<a href="
<a href="
i hate it when that happens! like when you’re in the bathroom and the place REEKS of stank and shit after some other chick unloaded herself and already left the crime scene. and then you’re the only one in there, still washing your hands, and someone else walks in, and you KNOW they’re thinking it was you. horrible, horrible, horrible… and im always paranoid that the smell is going to stick to my clothes, too.i hope you didn’t have any fruits or veggies in your grocery bags. i’m thinking they wouldn’t be as fresh no mo’ after THAT elevator trip!
yikes, bad timing, i’m sorry 😦 at that point, you have nothing to lose, so i’d say just let a big one rip. 😡
Punch her in the stomach and steal her purse…except that a purse wasn’t illustrated. So, just punch her.
Do what I do. Start off my saying, “See, what had happened was…..” and proceed to tell the truth while making fun of the situation. Always works.
ahaha.. Im surprised it hasnt happened to methats awful, but hilarious.I guess there was no way you could have convinced that lady you didnt do it. oh well, next time exit the elevator and take the stairs!
you should have said, “Oh sorry about that, I forgot to take my anti-explosive diarrhea medication today.”