Because I am so confident in my femininity, I have no problems telling you that I tweeze my upper lip…*dead silence* I mean…I have a friend who tweezes her upper lip…yeah…
Yeah, right. I’m not going to deflect any potential shame or embarrassment by talking about “my friend” instead of myself. That is almost impossible for me to do anyway, because I’m such a narcissistic attention whore. Whose morning breath was so foul that her cat tried to bury her the same way it buries its poop? Mine! And who defrosted raw chicken in the microwave, left it sitting out half-raw for 20 minutes, cooked and ate it even though it was probably covered in bacteria, and then ended up with debilitating diarrhea? Me!
So yes, I tweeze my upper lip. Every now and then I’ll find two or three dark hairs just relaxing on my face, and will rip them out before they start inviting their friends. Unless I’m looking for a job with the circus (and I’m not…yet), I don’t see any reason for me to let those hairs remain.
Checking my upper lip for wayward hairs is an important part of my regular grooming routine. Even though I rarely find anything worth plucking, and when I do it’s at most five hairs, that does not give me an excuse to become complacent. If anything, it is an indication of how imperative my plucking has become, as it is the most important defense I have against a horrible predator: the Girl-Stache!
Yes, the Girl-Stache–the evil that has afflicted some girls with thick, full, luxurious mustaches even though they are not on Jose Conseco’s Juice diet or undergoing hormone therapy. One should always be on the look-out for any signs of the dreaded Girl-Stache because anything less than total vigilance will make you vulnerable to attack.
Trust me when I say this: Girl-Stache is not to be taken lightly! It stalks your hair follicles with unwavering patience, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. And when that opportunity comes, when the victim has neglected to check her upper lip, the Girl-Stache moves in with such stealth and speed that its target has no idea of the assault that has just taken place right under her nose. There, the Girl-Stache will grow–silently increasing its territory and influence, unimpeded by its host because the Girl-Stache has used its super ninja skills to conceal itself from being noticed–until it has successfully attained total domination. And when it does, the world will know that another Upper Lip has succumbed and cannot be saved…
…at least, not without facing a serious dilemma: should you alert the victim that her facial forest needs a mowing, or keep it to yourself so she doesn’t feel embarrassed? The Girl-Stache knows it has created a delicate situation, which is what makes it both frightening and intruiguing.
Beware the Girl-Stache!
absolutangel64 
That’s ok, I have a couple of homeless guys try to move in on my chinny chin chin they get tweezed out ruthlessly!
your illustrations never cease to crack me up! lol
Good thing you aren’t Italian.
do you have regular periods? otherwise you might have polycystic ovary syndrome.
Bravely spoken and strongly written, friend. You know, you seem like a person who is very independent. I like that.S.C.
phhwwaaaa!!!
yeah….hair maintenance is such a big part of being a girl in modern society. Cut, color, shave, wax, tweeze, nair, trim, shape, style, dry, braid, comb, brush, spike, curl, straighten, wash, condition, deep clean, deep condition…I mostly shave unwanted hair. I tweeze my eyebrows and then shave and trim the rest. The other day at work I found a whisker. I asked my boss if it was okay to get a whisker at 28. She confirmed that it was. I got out the tweezers from the first aid kit and declined its last request. It was history in a matter of moments. Kind of gratifying to yank it out by its roots. Don’t tell anyone.
haha Girl stachepulling one stache one at a time!
dude, because of this post, every picture of a girl i see, i’m double checking for upper lip hairs.
oh god I feel your pain. not because I get rid of unwanted body hair by plucking, but rather because my ex did it to me a few times. holy hell I don’t know how you girls do it willingly but major props to you for doing it for mutual (mostly our) benefit.
I’ve seen a number of curry girls with an entire bush. It was too late to save them.
LOL wow… awesome post!
i don’t think u got diarrhea from thawing chicken in your microwave (totally legit), or leaving raw chicken out for 20 minutes (it would take hours for the bacteria to multiply in raw chicken enough to give you diarrhea). unless you really left the raw chicken out for 5 hours, or you bought raw chicken from a street stand, i’m pretty sure it was either from something else, or all in your head.
I’ve seen a lot of those. I’m glad you’re aware of them. I have nose hairs that tend to creep out, and they show if I smile real big. So I avoid smiling at all costs until I can attack them when I get home.
@jtngu8 – I love absolutangel’s post, but your response has made my Xanga-blogging night.
i have twice been interested in a young lady, had a semi-date, noticed rampant facial hair and immediately eliminate them from contention in the “Be With My Awesomeness” contest. One was a goatee, which i had never noticed because she was 5’1″ and I was already concerned about her cool-kid glasses actually being ridiculously strong and distorting her face a bit. The other was a mustache, which i noticed whilst using her as my pillow. She was no longer a pillow after that.
I’m too drunk to read, but coming from Sylvia I’ll recommend 🙂
You’re ninja if you Shuriken (手裏剣) the ‘stache!
Girl-staches are hella sexy. It turns me on so good when a girl can grow facial hair faster than I can.
girl-stache AND debilitating diarrhea ftL!!
Yeesh, girl grooming is not fun. We have to go through so much more than guys do!!!
I use wax instead!
its a turn off. Really.
ok, sober time! haha i always feel kinda awkward when i notice a girl with the girl-stache – i just can’t keep staring!
As a dude the only plucking i need to do is to keep my eyebrows plural. But some guys don’t and I can’t help but think that looks really bad.Can a guy get away with a unibrow?
interesting post
@FoliageDecay – Um, no. Unless you prefer when people talk to your face to continually dart their eyes back up to your mono. Says a lot about our attention spans.
@AdiOpERsOcoM – I’m glad to have reached out.
I imagine plucking your girlstache is painful! I shave that shit. … I mean, not because I have a razorful’s worth of hair… I mean… it’s just easier… that way.I shave my goatee, too.
LOL, I love the expressions on the hairs. Those punks, they deserve to be scared!
LOL! That is soooo frikking funny. Stray hairs suck.
Its like bad breath. Only way more tolerable for yourself, unless one has as particular an aversion to the Girl-stach as you.
The first thing that popped into my head when I heard “girl-stache.” The sad thing is that with some proper grooming she could probably come close to your hotness… but she’s dead now. All because she wouldn’t get rid of that disgusting unibrow.
http://onechick.com/smog/images/frida_kahlo.jpgThat picture post didn’t work…
Scary town. Taking care of girl-stache is the respectable thing to do. Unruly girl-staches that are allowed to run wild terrify me.
Girl staches are hot. Just like uni brows and fuzzy arms! I mean who can help but love a girl with a little bit of nature in them 🙂
Haha, epic.Waxing hurts, but it gets rid of them all at once.I have more of an issue with my eyebrows, they don’t like being tidy : (
I’m baaa-aack… anyhoosiers. You had me rolling with this post! I have two older sisters who pretty much obsess about, uh, hair that shouldn’t be, particularly on their upper lips, and they will discuss this no matter who is in the room. I have heard about the girl-stache, the stray whiskers that grow on the neck, and apparently there is one sly devil who occasionally pops up in between the breasts. Thanks, Laura. Hmm, I feel the need to shave all of a sudden…And the TweezingParty picture somewhat reminds me of a Far Side sketch. Hi-larious.
Hey, maybe you’ll pass the flying test. If all else fails, you could always take the chocobo test.. but that’s like driving a buggy on a freeway of hummers. Good luck with that!
love the drawings~~
I came across your page and loved your posts so much I went back and read them all. (I know to much time on my hands) but you’re awsome 🙂