People say “ass load” when they are describing something they have a lot of, which is fine and all, but I don’t think it works so well when you’re talking about food:
Classmate: Hey, I went to Costco and got an ass load of Oreos. You want some?
Me: Um, no thanks. I’m kind of…yeah.
Classmate: You sure? ‘Cause I’ve got an ass load of them.
Me: Yeah, I’m not really into Oreos.
I lied when I said I didn’t like Oreos. I actually love Oreos, especially the “Double Stuf” ones. Mmm…! I love dipping them in milk until the cookie part turns to mush, preferably Mush Level 6. That’s when the Oreo has become soggy enough that some cookie particles start crumbling off, but not to the point where half the cookie sinks to the bottom. It sounds easy, but the timing aspect of getting a Mush Level 6 Oreo is not to be taken lightly. The second you allow doubt to creep into your mind is the second you find yourself face-to-face with a semi-crunchy Oreo or, worse, Oreo mash. *nightmares*
What was I talking about again? Oh right, Oreos. Yes, I love them. But I wasn’t going to take any from this guy after he said he had an “ass load of them.” That just conjured up this disgusting image of him with his ass full of Butt Oreos, and a bunch of elves working in his anus at the Sphincter Cookie Factory.
Sick…although, I bet that’s something you’d see at one of those weird art shows that feature stuff like a gigantic vagina made of Jell-O. And all the catering staff would be bent over with deviled eggs or crab wontons in their asses, and no one would think there was anything unsanitary about eating food from a server’s butt because, hey, it’s an art show!
Food and ass don’t mix, unless the food is exiting. Beyond that, I don’t want an ass load of anything.
absolutangel64 
this reminds me of the Video Game Awards commercial where Jack Black is on a green screen doing fatality moves in that suit with white balls on it, and he’s motioning like he’s taking a dump and an assistant comes over and dumps out a box of white balls behind and between his legs.
i hate when people use “ass load” as a quantity descriptor. it just bothers me.
Does it taste like ass too? 😦
I actually like ass load. I think this post was an ass load of laughs.
agreed. and i hate how hard it is to get to much level 6!
hahahahahaha. I hate it when people say “ass load” too…I prefer to use the word “myriad” or “plethora” when I have a large amount of something. “ass load” just sounds…nasty.
How about ass load of poop? Is that more appropriate to tell someone?
This post is why I read blogs! You restore my faith in the blogosphere.You know, I have a theory. An assload is a lot, but shitloads is more. Because if you have an assload it’s all contained in the ass, but if you have shitloads, there is enough there that it’s just shitting out.Eww. I grossed myself out there. My bad.Anyvomit, thanks for this post! It’s gold!
I’m with you on this. You can’t say “ass load” when talking about food. And for the record, I prefer “metric crap-ton”.
hahahaha! Okay, this was great. I love the hypothetical conversation. and the picture. I recommended! :]
and oh my God I want oreos now.
*applaud* that drawing is just …damn awesome !! LOL
lol
hahaha i totally agree
Lol. Definitely. Love the drawing, as usual. 🙂
What about a shit ton?like I have a shit ton of oreos.
I was definitely an ‘ass-load’ offender back in the day until I learned the even more sanitarilly inappropriate, ‘shit-ton’, which I find to be much more sickening, but the fun of saying/hearing it makes me forget all about the fecal-food connotations. wonderful blog. and just so you know, the secret to mush level 6 is………….12 seconds. try it.
OOH. Bad images. @__@
yea… i don’t say ass load- but i have been known to say “butt load” and “shit-ton” in the same instances. and yes, i am now suitably ashamed of myself, well done
Mush level 6 is a science that I have perfected. Though, if I don’t pay CAREFUL attention, I have mush.
Hahahahahaha!! I’ve never thought about it in that way. It’s pretty sickening now that I think about it.
i am trying to start the new trend of “penguin colony-load”. 🙂
The kebler elves reference had me laughing more than anything…now when ever I see a kebler elves commercial or an oreo, I’m going to think of this and look crazy laughing at inopportune times.
You know what also bothers me? The phrase, ‘A whole shit- load.’ Geez, I’m reallllly hungry now.
Definitely an excellent point =P
Haha I agree, it’s such a weird phrase – although I don’t know if I’d give up an oreo for it!
Hahaha… interesting post. I’ve always been partial to ‘sh!tload’ though. It rolls off the tongue more easily.
Oh geez, I’ve never thought about it like that. That’s disturbing
I don’t think that the double stuf would really affect the subtle art and exact science that is mush level 6 (bonus points if you know where i quoted ‘subtle art and exact science’ from) since the outer cookies are still the same. The cookie is where you achieve your mush, not the stuf 🙂
hahaha…this is grossly hilarious! or is it hilariously gross?
Good point.
Hmm, I wonder what the white stuffing between the two pieces of ‘chocolate cookies’ of a Butt Oreo is.And I love all my biscuits in Mush Level 6. You should do a post describing the characteristics of each level of Mush, just to enlighten the people who do not understand how Mush Level 6 is like.
You picture says it all. You managed to make me spit out my coffee this morning.
PErhaps this is like the saying we have here in Ireland – We say “shed load”, “donkey load” , “shit load”all pertaining to the same thing, so I guess its you that has their head in the gutter. An “ass” is a “mule” is a “donkey” and they usually carry a big load of something or other.think you might want to try thinking less anally 🙂 excuse the pun. Only people with prolaspsed bowls might carry an ass load of something you’re referring too. Does your mum have piles?Owen – Dublin – Ireland
I really enjoyed the graphics
On christmas eve (according to the bible) Mary and Joseph carried an “ASS load” of Jesus into Bethlahem..
“Ass load” is one of those word combinations that doesn’t go well with much at all. But food especially. Who wants to eat an ass load of pizza? Not me, that’s for certain.
hahah I soo get what your saying about the ass loadso dumb so dumb..dont I usually NEVER cuss anyways causes I feel like it degrades yourself..ahahha funniest post in a long timeI’m gonna go buy me some Delicious, mouth-watering, creamy Oreos right now!
Whether or not its said in the book, i’m not sure. I don’t know it by heart. however, i DO know the movie basically by heart and it is from the first Harry Potter movie. you get a check….but not a check plus. maybe next time kiddo 😉
As always, your artistic prowess gets me hard.
Mush level 7 is pushing it to the extreme. I take it even to mush level 8, which is obviously, Oreo suicide or perhaps if Oreos whre made into a cultural coookie, which they are(since millions of people eat them and enjoy them), we would have cultural oreo suicide.
BWAHAHA!! One time a friend of mine said about a friend of his that he had “gotten a butt-load of air while skiing” I immediately thought. That must have been one tremendous fart.
never heard the term assload used that way…
Lol, funny post 🙂