This is a nightmare no one should have to experience! And yet, people today–in this advanced society of ours–still suffer the cruel and wholly undeserved punishment that is the Toilet-Paperless Toilet Paper Roll!
Unfortunately, the long-held belief that we have wiped this evil off the anus of the Earth is nothing more than a fiction, based on the false sense of security that all toilet paper users live and die by a basic tenet:
You kill the roll, you get some mo’!
Or:
You deplete the supply, you replace the ply.
Or:
If the core is exposed, you replenish the rolls.
Regardless of which principle guides your life, the message is the same: the one who uses the last square of toilet paper has to replace the bare roll with a new one. It’s more than just a common courtesy: it’s our fate; the fate our ancestors chose for us when they decided to create an easier way to clean their butts–since waiting for their poop to dry in the sun and eventually fall off in clumps took too long…and, you know, all those nasty flies…
Now, I know there are a few people who are reading this and thinking I’m full o’ crazy–but they are habitual Toilet-Paper-User-Uppers whose very existences have prevented the human race from totally eradicating the Toilet-Paperless-Toilet-Paper-Roll problem (i.e., just ignore them). All they think about when they use up that last square of tissue is how inconvenient it would be for them to have to replace the bare roll with a new one: they’d have to physically move to wherever the stash of rolls is located, pick one up, move back to the toilet paper dispenser, remove the empty roll, and then, after all that hard labor, attach the new roll. The entire process could take as long as two minutes! Who has the luxury of having that kind of free time?
Apparently, the next person who has to go does…because, I mean, you’re already going to the bathroom…and it only takes two minutes to refill the dispenser anyway.
You know what also takes two minutes? Flinging my dump in your face. Since you made it difficult for me to maintain an acceptable level of personal hygiene, I might as well go all the way by picking up my own waste and throwing it around.
*Awkward silence* …Okay, fine, I’m just saying that for the sake of making a point, but I think you understand where I’m coming from. I don’t like putting off my trip to the bathroom to get a new roll of toilet paper when I wasn’t the one who used up the first roll. Yes, I know I’m complaining about a task that is simple and minimally burdensome, but that doesn’t mean it is immune from concepts of fairness. I didn’t kill the roll, but I still have to get some mo’? Hello! I have to use the bathroom! That makes it automatically more inconvenient for me to deal with the Toilet-Paperless-Toilet-Paper-Roll problem than it is for someone who doesn’t have to go.
And don’t get me started on the Toilet-Paper-User-Uppers who try to avoid refilling the toilet paper by leaving, like, three squares on the roll. Only two squares are actually usable since the last one is practically glued to the core and turns to shreds if you try to get it off. What the hell am I supposed to do with those? Stick them to my butt and hope for the best?
My dream is to someday be able to live in a world where everyone who uses up the roll of toilet paper will replace it with a new one. And I know we can achieve this if we work together…on something. I actually haven’t thought of what our united front would be doing to accomplish total eradication of the Toilet-Paperless Toilet Paper Roll, but I know it will include beating Toilet-Paper-User-Uppers with rubber hoses.
absolutangel64 
Hilarious!!! Can’t say I have this problem since I always have some tissues with me. Well, I guess I have come across this problem before, but it has never bothered me. There, that makes much more sense. I hope.This put a smile on my face. Thanks.
lol!i now know what to buy for your future wedding giftlarge cargo loads of tiolet paper!lolbut u r right, i always check the roll b4 i enter the bathroombut if u want to be safe bring ur ownwhat do you girls carry in those little purses all da time??? dere’s no TP in that???lol:P
This is great š
you went to taco bell didnt you?i had the worst case of food poisoning there two weeks ago…
This happened before at home & i yell until someone comes into the bathroom. cuz usually it’ll be the person that forgot to put more toilet paper! lol
that is the most interesting thing i’ve read in the past 3 weeks. wow. i think ur full o’crazy but my mom is the one who always uses up the tissue and then “forgets” to replace the damn roll. that crap is irritating!! *lol*
THAT’S HORRIBLEEEEEE! I swear, I just don’t understand why people in my freakin’ HOUSE won’t replace the roll. We even have a huge stack of it on the side..it doesn’t take THAT MUCH TIME to replace it -_-
Oh man, this is just too awesome!
lol! yes, maybe it sounds nutsBut it’s completely trueLuckily, we always have a few rolls stashed in the cuboard next to the toilet, and I’m always careful about checking before I go in when out of the houseSo it rarely happens to me :3
.. lol.that’s happened to me, and it was in a public bathroom u___u;
LoL this is hilarious and at the same time, sooo nightmarish because I’ve actually had this happen to me!You don’t know the lengths i’ve gone to, just to try and find something besides toilet paper to use (including pieces of my own clothing!)…Pretty awful =Next time I have to come out of the bathroom with only one or no socks on, someone is GOING to die!!!
I love all of the recent potty posts:) This was fantastic – I must say I am guilty of sometimes forgetting to replace the roll! That’s just it, though, I fully mean to go get a new one until I wash my hands. As soon as I dry my hands on the towel, though, new, fresh thoughts have replaced the dismal “Must go get more TP” thoughts. And all is lost. Anyway, thanks for the laughs, and next time I use up the last square – or the fourth-to-last square – I’ll try harder to remember to go get more.
I try to make it a personal goal to keep at least one extra roll in the bathroomAlthough my roommates usually end up replacing the roll with the extrabut don’t bother to replace the extraand then we get screwed when that runs out.Haha
Ha Ha! This too is one of my major pet peeves. Why is it that it is always me who ends up stranded on the toilet I have no idea. I never hear those cries of desperation, “Hey, can someone bring me some toilet paper!” from any other inconsiderate member of my family. I have even tried to leave them hanging (no pun intended) to teach them a lesson, but it always backfires (no pun intended again) and I just end up the one stuck. I loved this blog. It made me feel like I am not alone…
Everyone is scared to admit they pooed, and then used up the roll. Imagine you have to go to the counter of said establishment and say “hey! I just took a huge dump, and I used up all your TP cleaning my nasty butt, can you replace the roll? (I imagine that’s probably what the person at the counter will hear.)
I know! Is it that hard to replace what you finished?! I’m sure toilet paper is more serious but at work I get really irritated when people don’t replace the tape dispenser and other things…
omg thank you this blog made my day lol this was a real good one
I loved the panels, but I confess the reason I bothered reading was because of your stunning profile picture. I could quit smoking by giving a cigarette to each beautiful woman I spot daily here in Tokyo, but you’d get the whole pack AND the Zippo!
Haha, it sometimes happens by honest mistake! I remember most times to replenish the roll myself but there are times where I say I’ll do it when I get back home.. Usually it is I who gets confronted with the forgetfullness that is the depleted roll so karma has it’s place in all of this. š
I live in a house with 2 guys: my boyfriend and our roommate. I always keep one extra on the toilet lip, just in case, you know?
That was totally appreciated. Thanks for the giggle ^-^
haha~ luckily i don’t have to worry about things like these.. there’s always extra stocks in the drawer (oh yeah, i tend to make sure it’s stock up).. sometimes there’s even a book… haha.. and whenever i’m out, i make sure three things:* the toilet looks clean* the tissue paper is adequate* there’s something to readoh a side note, nice pictures by the way..
Amen to that! That person definitely should replace it with a new roll. LOLs. XD
I so enjoyed this blog a lot! š So true… REPLACE THE ROLL! š
I love this! I think President Obama needs to provide money (1 Billion for starters) to see that we get a law passed, and set up a Department of Hygienic Tissue Supply Enforcement. Spend that Stimulus Money, Baby!