Last week, I came across a video news clip with the headline “Gallery Exhibit for Toddler’s Art.”
A young child with an art show? How could you not be intrigued by that? The kid must be, like, this century’s Van Gogh, Michelangelo is a party dude! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Heroes in a half shell! Turtle Power! or something to get that kind of recognition, right?
I clicked on the video link, expecting to see a little kid with a drawn-on handlebar mustache, wearing a beret and holding an artist palette while standing in front a backdrop of gorgeous paintings that could make even Chuck Norris cry. Chuck freakin’ Norris!
…And then I saw this:
Okay, that’s not art; that’s crap on a canvas.
Whatever the hell it is, it was made by Aelita Andre—a two-year-old girl who some are calling a child prodigy for creating what looks to me like doodoo art. Sorry, but that’s what it looks like…as does every other picture ever created by the average two-year-old. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a toddler draw something that wasn’t a shapeless smattering of random colors smeared all over the place, huh? He isn’t drawing anything; he’s just playing with paint. And it doesn’t matter what he’s using—crayons, markers, or colored pencils—he’s going to end up creating something that looks like a giant diarrhea tornado.
Aelita Andre is no different, and neither is her “artwork”—so why the hell is her stuff being showcased at an art gallery?
Because her parents are hippies, that’s why. And they call their daughter’s play-with-paint messiness “abstract art.”
Abstract art is not art—and the only people who will try to convince you otherwise is a German guy who paints pictures with his own feces, musicians who compose music out of weather noises, and whoever directed “Cirque du Soleil: Mystere.” It’s only art if the viewer can interpret some sort of meaningfulness in a piece that is completely meaningless on purpose. Why should anyone do that? You’re the artist who created the artwork, so you should tell me what message you wanted the art to convey. Don’t make me play “Where’s Waldo” and try to find the artistic value you want to be credited with. If you drew something that looks like it was created on a jacked-up “Magna Doodle,” then that’s how I am going to interpret it.
Obviously, I am not a fan of this genre, and this news story—if you can even call it that—is only compounding my disdain. What was nothing more than typical toddler doodling suddenly turned into works of artistic brilliance simply because the kid’s parents called it “abstract art.” And not only do people buy that description, they are also buying these messed up canvasses for as much as $1,500! Some parents wouldn’t even pay $1.50 for pictures drawn by their own kids, so imagine how douchie you have to be to pay 1000 times that much for a picture drawn by someone else’s child.
To top it all off, there is controversy over whether a two-year-old was actually the one responsible for this doodoo art. That’s right: some abstract art experts believe that little Aelita may have had help from her parents in creating her messes. A few even go as far as to say they are solely her parents’ work.
…Are you f*cking kidding me? Look at this sh*t! It screams “goo goo gah gah”! There is no question that a toddler created this crap.
“Lapis Lazuli (Dragon with Gem in its Mouth)”
“Lizard at Sunset”
“Mir Space Staton in Cherry Blossoms”
I, on the other hand, have been asked whether my “Paint” pictures were actually created by a child.
These experts should be focusing instead on whether these paintings can still be considered abstract art when the titles were created by Aelita’s parents. How did they know their daughter wanted to convey the Mir Space Station? Does Aelita know what the space station is? Can she even pronounce “Mir”? These are just canvasses their daughter smeared paint on, with titles they created to give off the illusion that it is art and not child’s play.
I imagine that some hippie fart-knockers are going to criticize me for being ignorant in failing to appreciate abstract art. They’ll probably say I’m too simple-minded to realize that the amorphous mess of colors actually has structure; that I’m not intelligent enough to see what is really being depicted.
Umm…really? I’m the stupid one here? You’re the guy who sees a terrier in a painting that cannot be interpreted as anything other than a giant diarrhea tornado. And there is a word for people who see things that aren’t there: it’s called “insane,” so shut the f*ck up.
absolutangel64 
oh yah?
This is awesome stuff.
Wow, that take child worship to a new low. But it is fun to throw paint at a canvas.
HAHA, terriers
Come on….all your entries are so middle of the road, scared of taking a side- you need to finally stand up and take a stand for or against something!
“Okay, that’s not art; that’s crap on a canvas.” I almost spit out my soda! I wish I could finger paint and have it sell for $1500!
Sometimes finger painting really is just finger painting.
can i buy your MS paint works?
this reminds me of a documentary called “my kid could paint that,” and what’s similar about both these “child prodigies” is that at least one of their parents is an artist too.. so hmm… it makes you wonder…
I once waited tables at an event hosted at a museum. The people in charge told us to be careful around the painting on the walls, because some were worth thousands. The painting worth 1 million dollars was a massive canvas spanning from one wall to another, and solely consisted of one similarly massive splatter of paint on the blank white canvas. And it was worth 1 million dollars. These paintings were done by adults. Michelangelo and Botticelli are rolling in their graves right now, at what modern people call ‘art’.
Haha, I wholeheartedly agree with you.
Yeah it’s pretty amazing what is considered ‘art’. I did like “Mir Space Staton in Cherry Blossoms” however. Dumb name for the piece though.
That art confuses me.
I think you are very smart and I have no clue who you are, mysterious blogger. I don’t think thats art at all, just “a crazy painting frenzy” by a child. children love to paint, well most of them. Experts are utter retards…”look at this lovely drawing of Conan O’ Brien, it’s so much crappier than this piece of crap we have displayed over hear”. Really….
abstract art is just a title to give something when it can’t be categorized anywhere else. you should see the shit some people come up with in sculptures. I went to the Guggenheim in NYC last year, and there was an exhibit where this woman made sculptures that consisted entirely of boobs. these hippie flamboyant beret-wearing art evangelists should be institutionalized for seeing things that don’t really exist. if some people see ghosts and we put them in an 8×8 padded cell, same goes for these nutjobs.
I made art like that the other day while sitting on the toilet, but I flushed it down.
“giant diarrhea tornado” – priceless! All you can say to those hippies is crack is whack.
That’s actually better than some of the art I’ve been at my city’s gallery. There was one picture of a crayon stick man behind an oval that I guess was supposed to be a lake– or a giant cheerio.
i actually kinda like some of those ones u postedwhen i was a kid.. i rmb my paintings would always turn all brown in the end cuz thats the colour u get when u mix all the colours together. so i actually think these r really good coming from a 2 yr old
hahah! i especially love the titles that are given to these “masterpieces” Dragon with gem in its mouth? really?
you > me.
what’s sad is this little girl is gonna be raised as a genius…and most times it doesn’t seem to fare well for them
people have their own meaning of art.. anyway I don’t like the paintings.
You’re the one I was trying to remember when I was talking about the MS Paint contest! And wow, yeah. That kind of looks like every other finger painted toddler masterpiece that I’ve seen. But heck, if people will download recordings of John Cage’s “4’33” from iTunes, they’ll buy anything.
musicians who compose music out of weather noises ahaahahahahahhaa
Abstract art is just another name for crap done by people who suck at life but want to be called artists. I mean really, if by throwing globs of paint at a canvas and calling it ‘art’ is all the better you can do for a career, then that just screams “I suck at life”. The only career that would be worse if you’re JUDGING this works of art and saying they’re masterpieces. You don’t even have the “talent” to make these “masterpieces” yourself??? wtf *shakes head and sighs*
Thats just sad….when really awesome artists cant sell their amazing artwork when a toddler can just smear crap on paper and get rich quick. But I dont abstract art either my dog could smear paints on the paper with his tail, so can I sell that for $1,500?
I can actually see the lizard at sunset. Is that sad?
The parents probably painted the “art” pieces.
wow yeah the names of the “masterpieces” are so pretentious. its so dumb when people do that to their kids
You know what’s even worse?You can go to the MOMA [Museum of Modern Art] in NY, and find a piece there that is a piece of canvas, completely painted blue. And that is it. It is a solid blue canvas.I believe it is worth well over a hundred thousand dollars. =_=
Simply put, they got the wrong toddler.Here’s a 3-year old finger painting prodigy:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrdRrAjpcDMHe's finger painting TMNT especially for you in the above link =]
The colors are certainly pretty, but I agree that abstract art is not real art. I could even do better that that at 2 (I’m an excellent painter, but I can’t draw for anything). The kid isn’t a prodigy, just another sloppy toddler.@just_the_average_jane – People do that!?!?!?! I took a music class last year when we watched a performance of “4’33” and discussed it. The entire time, I felt like I was in the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes. Like okay, when are we going to stop fooling around and actually discuss real music? What the heck, guys, what are you doing? Come on now! It was just…ridiculous.
heh. funny. your entry did remind me of the real child prodigy that can really paint though. her art is AMAZING!!. I think she’s like 13 now. I think they discovered her when she was 7, but here pictures are actually life like, like a picture.
this post reminds me of Maddox’s kids who can’t draw post 😛 I completely agree with you, those “paintings” are just a kid having fun with oils~Ugh, I would not pay to see that~ however, i will gladly see you paint creations 😛
I wish I could sell craptastic artwork. But I don’t think mine’s craptastic enough.
if that looks like crap to you I wonder what you’ve been eating.
lol. Great post! I actually like the paintings, but I’d never pay $1500for ’em.
I’d have to agree with you on abstract art. I don’t get it. It is so subjective that nearly anything could be considered art. It’s especially sad when douchebag parents try to capitalize and/or exploit their child’s talents or even fake their child’s talent to draw the spotlight onto themselves. I feel bad for those kids.
I don’t even think a two year old has the mental capacity for the concept of abstraction. I mean, “peek-a-boo” is still an entertaining game for kids that age.
Work isn’t art unless it has human intention. There are three main factors that a piece must have to be considered art. Human intention is one of those three factors.
This is why i hate certain painting art exhibits. They are exploiting the stupidity of humans. None of this crap is ever really good art. its just crap thrown on a canvas and some douche bag hipster will then say something stupid like, “oh. i like the way this image capture the emotion of society and the corruptness of government while showing the innocents of a childs mind. the colors clearly represent pain and pleasure in some perverted way and …” seriously shut the f up! The kid had no clue what they were doing. I could say the same thing about the shapes their poop leaves on their diapers and call it art…. oh hey good idea!
That’s the beauty of abstract thought though isn’t it? Straight-up crap can be a masterpiece because beauty in paintings is probably the most subjective of all arts.
that is not art. it looks like one of those magic eye deals. maybe if i squint hard enough i can see the mir space station.
If you use your imagination, you can make out things displayed. The colors may look nice on the plain walls as well, and I think the texture on the canvas can be really cool. But I can totally make something similar myself, and would never pay a fortune for things like these.
XD Shrooms can help bring out your more creative side.. i will get you the good stuff. JKHippies