Imagine what life would be like if McDonald’s served breakfast all day, and that you could buy an Egg McMuffin without having to wake up at 10:00 in the morning just so you could reach a McDonald’s before 10:30 a.m. That would be pretty awesome, wouldn’t it?
Now imagine going to McDonald’s at 7:00 p.m., ordering an Egg McMuffin, and receiving a sandwich that is the size of a big rig’s tire. That’s right: you, eating a giant Egg McMuffin at 7:00 p.m. That’s not awesome—that’s heaven.
And that, my friends, is the kind of heavenly-awesome experience I get whenever I read a news article about how some brilliant example of human intelligence thought it was a great idea to sneak into a zoo enclosure—only to end up having his dumbass chomped on by a wild animal.
The best stories are the ones that have pictures of these losers getting owned by the animals. Those gems don’t come very often—which is too bad, really, because they are full of generous amounts of amusement…so much so that I bet you could probably end world hunger, achieve world peace, and cure herpes simply by distributing copies of zoo-animal-bum-rushes-douche-bag news stories that have pictures of the actual incident.
Here, I’ll show you.
Man Tries to Convert Lions to Jesus, Gets Bitten
A man leaped into a lion’s den at the Taipei Zoo on Wednesday to try to convert the king of beasts to Christianity, but was bitten in the leg for his efforts…
Look! It doesn’t hurt when you pee anymore!
And here’s an article I found on CNN’s website this morning:
Polar Bear Attacks Woman at Berlin Zoo
A polar bear attacked a woman at Berlin Zoo Friday afternoon after she climbed a fence and jumped into its habitat during feeding time…
Uweeheehee! Who says Christmas only comes once a year?
Man, I love how these idiot douche bags always climb into the exhibits for animals with crazy-ass claws and teeth. You’ll never find a headline that says something weak like, “Tourist Crushed by Pissed-Off Galapagos Tortoise,” or “Flamingoes Peck and Poop Trespassing Visitor to Death.” It’s always “Tourist’s Affection Enrages Panda,” “Chinese Panda Mauls Teenage Boy,” or “Gu Gu Strikes Again! Panda Attacks Zoo Visitor.”
Speaking of Gu Gu, he has got to be the most badass panda in the world. He hasn’t mangled just one dumbass—he’s bitten the sh*t out of three! Three! And he must have been using some super ninja skills or something because I haven’t found a single mid-mauling photograph of him. Can you believe it? Gu Gu’s punished three douche bags, and all I’ve been able to find are pictures of the third guy lying in a hospital bed. What an awesomely awesome ninja panda of awesomeness!
Hopefully, the next time there is a report on Gu Gu beating on someone, there will be a picture accompanying the article. Are you kidding me? Of course he’s going to do it again! The fact that he has a track record is proof that he will have a fourth dumbass to chew on! And I imagine it will look something like this:
Hell yes, that’s how it’s going to go down. He’s the world’s most badass panda!
absolutangel64 
ROFLMAO.Srsly, I’d be mad if GuGu DIDN’T bite those dumbasses.
I nearly peed my pants I was laughing so hard while reading this! AWESOME POST!
I think I just peed my pants…Oh, the awesomeness!
lol
Gu Gu is a total Badass.
The last pic is so funny! LOL!!!
the sad thing is that the law says that those animals need to be put down after the idiots do that. So those poor animals get killed for it 😦
Those people are so stupid! Polar bear pic = win.
This is “natural selection” at its finest….! And I really wish McDonalds served breakfast all day. Their egg mcmuffins are the only thing I ever want in a fast-food restaurant. Ever.
Ninja panda awesomeness!
bwahahahaha, yes! I hope it really does go down like that.
Bitchin’!
hahaha. nice drawings.
hahahaha i needed a good laugh then thank you..and i do believe that people probably really do think its a good idea..which makes it all even funnier.
Funny, funny..
This made me hungry and also made me laugh. =)
HAHAHA the crazy bitch that jumped into the polar bear habitat during feeding time.. priceless.
Last month (or two months ago) that guy got killed by a tiger when he wanted to take a shortcut around the Great Wall of China. Even though there were warning signs, he didn’t think the signs were real because he couldn’t see any animals.Polar bears are the only bears that actively seek out humans as food (so I’ve heard), and why anyone would want to play with an animal like that, I have no idea.
I’m so glad this is featured. The polar bear pic alone was worth it.
hahahhahaha… although it’s kind of sad. the reason you don’t see headlines like the tortoise and flamingo ones is because the assholes who sneak into the exhibits of smaller animals don’t end up hurt, OR they end up stealing the animal =(
Pandas can never be underestimated, that’s for sure. They look laid back… it’s because they’re full of self-confidence.
Egg McMuffin and Sausage McMuffin all day…!!!! :DThat’s what happened in HK!!!
Haha. I laughed so hard that I actually went back and read the entry again. I’m still laughing.
ahaha dope ass cartoon
I’m guessing none of them died.
Haha… I read that polar bear article. Seriously, WTF?!? I think these people have mental issues and should be locked up somewhere.
How funny, the Taiwanese guy looks like my ex-boyfriend’s dad from the back view. (My ex’s dad is a reverend from Taipei, Taiwan.)
Ha ha ha ha! This made my day =]
dude,i need to take karate lessons from this badass panda.he obviouly knows how to whoop someone’s ass without leaving any proof except for the aftermath of the beating on the person. how badass would that be to do that?!!
That was awesome. And I really do wish McDonald’s would serve brakfast all the time; I’m in the mood for a McGriddle now.
Bwahahahaha! I watched the video of the idiot woman at the Berlin Zoo. I’m honestly not sure if I’d have helped her out of the habitat, ‘cuz, you know, then I’d be helping stop the births of future generations of morons.
haha. awesome entry. 😀
hahahahahhaahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahah. the picture of that woman made me lmao. i know that i’m sure that she didn’t find the polar bear’s teeth in her back very funny, but it STILL is. kind of?
That’s why they shouldn’t call the show “When Animals Attack”, rather “When Stupid People Get Bitten”
A few years ago, McDonalds was supposed to start serving breakfast all day. At some point, they must have changed their mind, because I still haven’t seen them doing that yet.
those idiots probably deserve it anyways for being so dumb as to climb a cage of a “beast”… i mean… zoo animals dont make the most perfect pets.
WTH. Are people really that dumb nowadays?Interesting post.
I work at a McDonald’s, and I think that like once a year or something we should have a day where we only have breakfast all day.
I wish I could order McD’s Big Breakfast at night. That would be awesome.
Lol, I read the second article about the woman jumping into the polar bear habitat. I got a good laugh out of it. I wonder what motivates people to do such stupid things.
Hahah, catchy and silly. Love it :]
Nice drawings! I dun understand the logic in trying to get so up-close with animals but I am totally into the idea of having Mcdonald’s breakfast at any time. 😀
Wow, that’s pretty dumb of that woman in Berlin. Move to America, asshole.
LOL!I’ve never understood why wild animals are punished for mauling humans in many cases. 9 times out of 10, the human was being a huge idiot and deserved it.
hahahaha. this is uber awesome. well played.
makes me wanna go grab myself a panda!
LOL..people are such idiots sometimes. aww look, a cute [deadly] anima!! let me pet you! let’s be friends!!
Hahahahaha… Was he seriously trying to convert a LION?? And it would be amazing if McDonald’s served breakfast all day. I love breakfast, just not at breakfast time.
Wow. Gu Gu doesn’t even need to use its teeth or claws! It must be a ninja panda!
hahahhaha good post, your illustrations are pretty frikken amazing tooo =P