Of all the seasons, my least favorite is summer. Not because of the sweltering heat, or the stench of people sweating profusely as a result of sweltering heat. Nor is it because of the exponential increase in mosquitoes trying to eat us alive. And it’s not even because of the greater risk of seeing Sasquatch-hairy backs and man-boobs as more men begin walking around shirtless. As unpleasant as all these things may be, they are not why summer is my least favorite season. No, the reason why I hate, hate, hate summer is because it is the season of migration: the muffin top migration.
Yes, the dreaded muffin top migration. The muffin top hibernates during winter, and comes out in the summer to flap under the sun. Thus, in the same way that some people rely on a groundhog’s shadow to determine the beginning to spring, I rely on the appearance of a muffin top to warn me that hell summer is here. And apparently summer started early this year because today I saw not one, but two muffin tops:
Of all the songs these girls could have sung, they decided to go with Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back”—a choice that would have only made sense if the word “sexy” meant “total blindness.” The girl on the left had a spray-on tan that left her looking like she had been living in a bag of Cheetos for the past 10 years. Her friend on the right was wearing what I guess were “Daisy Dukes,” but looked more like “Make Me Pukes” on her cellulitey legs. Both of them were wearing camisoles that did not fit them, causing rolls of flab to form underneath their tops—and which were probably screaming, “Help me! Help me! I am being held against my will!”
As disgusting as the rolls, Cheetos-tan, and “Make Me Pukes” were, however, none were nearly as nauseating as the giant-ass muffin tops that were hanging out for the entire world to see.
For those of you who don’t know, a muffin top is a saggy layer of belly flab that is formed when a girl wears, like, a pair of jeans that are too small for her. But rather than putting on a pair that is actually in her size, the girl instead tries to stuff herself into a garment that does not have enough material to encompass her entire lower body. There is just enough room for her legs and most of her butt—but only because the jeans have managed to make extra space by pushing her belly out…where it must hang over the waistband in a sad mass of flab.
Muffin tops do not only occur when wearing jeans; they can form when a girl wears a skirt, shorts, slacks, or any other bottom-piece of clothing. Look at the girls I saw today: one was in shorts and the other wore a skirt, and both had massive muffin tops sagging all over the place. If the bottoms are too small, then it is inevitable that a muffin top will be born.
When you think about it, there shouldn’t even be such thing as a muffin top on something other than a muffin. What is so wrong with wearing clothes that actually fit your body? So you wear a size 48—so what? Most people can’t tell what size a person is just by looking at him, and especially not when that person is wearing clothes that fit.
On the other hand, we all know when someone is wearing something that doesn’t fit, and are never fooled by girls who insist on squashing themselves into bottoms that are two sizes too small. Yeah, you might think you’re rocking size 0 shorts, but you’re actually rocking a muffin top, so you might want to consider doing something like—gee, I don’t know—wearing clothes that are actually in your own freaking size.
absolutangel64 
LMAO….muffin tops ftl…..
Eish, not looking forward to summer anymore! Round them all up and throw them in a gym!
ahhh America and our gluttonous ways
“…you’re actually rocking a muffin top.” I’m so gonna use that phrase this Summer.I shall say, “ew, I like only muffins with blueberries.”
LMFAO great post.
eww… girls have a hard time accepting the fact that they cannot fit in their clothes from back in the day. -.- this was gross. thank you for reminding me to work out in time for that summer bikini bod. haha
even worse are the muffin tops with stretch marks across them…
which is why i wear dresses around midterms week… 0=) i’d have a muffin top if i put on my shorts from the beginning of the year- i guarantee it D:
“Cheetos-tan” ahaha that was awesome! Luckily, it’s getting into winter here and they’ve all gone into hiding..You’d think they’d be able to feel the breeze on their flab. Ignorance is bliss.. Seeing, is not.
Gahhh why can’t people wear pants that are their size??
Ugh. It always amazes me that the jeans are able to close around their hip area.
ugh I’m forced to see this ALL THE FREAKIN TIME hooray for high school hoe bags(damn…say that 5 times fast)
the only muffin tops that are good are the ones you find in a bakery showcase.
LOL, you have the best comics.
Oh muffin tops! Om nom nom nom nom!
AHHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHAHHA that’s pretty nasty. omg.. i’m pretty fat too. when i sit down i got all my fat loaded up in front of my tummy. it’s like a swimming tube HAHHAHAHAHAH
I’ll take muffin tops over a ridiculously fake tan any day.By the way, this post reminded me of the Muffin Top song in 30 Rock. Except in that song, muffin tops are apparently a good thing. I just started watching that show – it’s pretty hilarious.Here’s the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1WY_BxSnD8
Muffin girls of the world have been warned…
oh my god. my sentiments EXACTLY. dunno why they bother actually… how comfortable is it to have your too small pants squeeze the crap out of your guts anywhoo?
But that’s the tastiest part of the muffin!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, nice. I hate the muffin tops, too.
i dunno.. i have to say a little bit, and i do mean little bit, of muffin top can actually be cute if the girl is built appropriately. i call them slightly bubbly. they arent your typical stick figure girl. they tend to be more curvy.great post though. i hate going places like magic mountain cuz of this very thing.
D: My love handles are a bit visible. If I go one size up, my jeans would be too loose on me. I’m in-between D:
I never thought this post is about muffin tops. Haha. Very nice. I haven’t noticed people having muffin tops yet. Maybe I was just too blind to see.
So true, so true. People should wear clothes that fit their figures, not clothes that magnify the problems. I’m also not very fond of low rise jeans on women who insist on wearing g-strings that are pulled way up. Tacky!!!
@MySecretLoveAffair – muffins with blueberries… i’ll use that line too.
thank you for this informative post about muffin tops. lol.
ahaha, make me pukes. interesting use of words here to describe the situation — most would just say something blunt and short like “girls, wear something that fits!” period.
gag…
Mmmmm, muffins.
ack, most unsightly thing ever to see 0.o
I gotta say, though – better a little muffin top than man-boobs and a Sasquatch back. Couple that with some mandals and the sight’s enough to cause hysterical blindness.
Coincidence, I was just noticing this yesterday! 🙂 Eeew @ muffin tops! >,<
u gals are luck …. u hv 4 seasons every year …. but here… in Singapore …. We f#$%ing ENJOYED summer everyday =( …. and seeing muffin tops everyday…..=(
One year I did a summer musical in a freezing theater, yet a girl insisted one wearing uber-tight, jeans, resulting in an uber muffin top. And she was already chubby and unfortunate looking to begin with. To top it all off, the reason she word the tight jeans was to show off the ‘cat’ tattoo in her lower back. uggggggggggh. Tatoos make it even worse.
your illustrations are pretty accurate! haha!
Yeah…. I guess some people are just blind when they dress themselves in the morning. And when they go shopping. And when they look at their bodies in the mirror…
I’m lovin’ the illustrations.
I think I’d be fine with it if the belly was extruding as it is in the side view pic, but the front view is an abomination. I don’t wear belly shirts because I don’t have the tummy for it, other people should have the same decency. Also, I am in love with your description of those two chicks.
LOL! Muffin tops!
that side view looks like a plumber’s ass hanging out…haha!
always entertaining.
Haha, true.
Thanks for informing me about muffin tops. LMFAO!
Omg – I used to have employees who did this during ANY season. I do not understand the obsession with wearing incredibly tight clothing that does NOT fit. I’ve developed a gut as I’ve gotten older, but I’ve also stopped wearing extra small (or even small) shirts! I feel your pain. I totally feel your pain. Ugh.
Yeah people shouldn’t flant their fat rolls.
Your Paint pictures and rants always make me laugh. 🙂
Hahaha you have no idea how hard I’m laughing right now.