Going blind is definitely not something I want to experience, but if it were to ever happen to me at least I could take comfort in knowing I’ll never have to see another whack-ass tattoo—or, as I like to call it, a wacktoo.
Unlike a regular tattoo—which is usually a visual symbol that, when interpreted, will yield a meaningful message—a wacktoo cannot be interpreted as anything other than, “I am a dumbass poser.”
There are many different types of wacktoos, but I’m only going to focus on the two I find most asshat-ish: unoriginal Chinese character tattoos, and name tattoos.
Unoriginal Chinese Character Wacktoos
Let’s get this disclaimer out of the way: not all Chinese-character tattoos are wacktoos, so don’t get pissy until after you read this entire section. The only ones which qualify for wacktoo status are tattoos of the characters for “love,” “dragon,” “power,” “wind,” “fire,” and “heart.” I don’t know what it is, but people who decide to get a Chinese character inked on their bodies always gravitate to one of those six. Do you all shop at “Claire’s” or something? Because you paid someone to permanently mark your body with a character that shows up on key chains you can buy at a kids’ accessory store.
It’s bad enough that wacktoos of the characters for “love,” “dragon,” “power,” “wind,” “fire,” and “heart” are completely unoriginal—but the rationale behind choosing one of those symbols is equally generic. I mean, they are words, so it’s not like there is much to interpret. You have the character for “love” on your body? Then I guess that stands for—wait, don’t tell me—that you appreciate love? Wow…really had to dig deep for that one.
Oh, and the “dragon” and “power” wacktoos—I love the meatheads who pick those! Because you know they were all thinking, “man, I am so strong, so I’m going to get a tattoo of the character for ‘power’ or ‘dragon’ to let everyone know that I am so strong!”
As for the dumbasses who have a tattoo of “wind,” “fire,” or “heart,”—those guys are probably trying to summon Captain Planet…because when wacktoos combine, a blue man in red tights will fly out of your ass.
Name Tattoos
I’m not talking about getting a tattoo of someone else’s name on your body. The wacktoo I’m referring to is of your own name. I don’t think there is anything more WTF-worthy than seeing someone with a tattoo of her own name on her own body. I mean, what message were you trying to tell the world by making that brilliant decision? The only one I can come up with is that you are someone who can’t remember her own name—to the point where writing it on your hand with a ballpoint pen isn’t enough. You had to have it inked on your body—but not on an area you can easily see. Your tattoo is instead on your lower back, outside your field of vision!
Dumbass.
What tattoos do you think deserve wacktoo status?
absolutangel64 
hilarious!
I’ve always wanted to learn Chinese so I could become a tattoo artist and give people tattoos that mean something completely unrelated to what I claim they mean. Like tell them that it means love when it really means obese. They’d never know the difference, but it would sure be worth a laugh to any Chinese-speaking person they met.
Bwahahaha! Hilarious and so true, my dear, but you already know that. Being in the military, I’ve seen so many wacktoos. It’s ridiculous!”…those guys are probably trying to summon Captain Planet” LOL Go planet!
i find it amusing that one of the chinese character girl’s fists has the character for the number 9 on it
As much as I love Xanga, I think a Xanga tattoo would be wacktoo. Have you seen Mr_Jin’s tattoo post?
awww i have a tattoo of my name!
but i looove Love so much I just want the world to know, peace and love for alllll!! haha, love the captain planet reference 😀
LOL!
I hate the dragon wacktoo. It has got to be the worst of them all.
HAHAHAHAHAHA that’s hilarious 😛
@grammarboy – Same here! I wonder if those tattoo artists exist…
Lol, curse those tard’s with wacktoo’s.. Captain Planet was the first thing that came to mind when I read the end of the examples *shudders* he scares me.
the best is when you see a lo fan with one, and you know they don’t know what the hell it says.I had considered getting my name tattooed, if only so the coroner can identify me if my body should ever end up in the morgue. just to make it easier.
why is it always chinese characters on non asian people?latinos, black, white, etc…..ShesshThat is wack-tack-too, because you are scribing something that has nothing do with your culture or language I do see african, arabic, spanish, etc….. wack tack toos
“The Power Is Yours!” … i’ve always wanted a dragon tattoo, but i want it to look like one and the character too. its definitely something to think long and hard about.
It’s in one of my older blogs SKIN DEEP Part II. The word popeyes on a fat belly.
Fairies and Coyfish… those bother the hell out of me. I agree with you on the Chinese characters even though I just got one last week. Of course I took seven months to decide on what I wanted (while waiting for my booking) and had two lines from the ancient Chinese poem Drinking Alone Under the Moon by Li Bai done with an authentic looking rd Chinese stamp under it… I hope that doesn’t count as one in your list… but mine has true meaning to where I am (living in Asia).I also hate tribal… which I also have. but mine was a custom design made around the Canadian Maple Leaf… more meaningful to me than just the whole… ‘Look at me… I’M TRIBAL BAD!!!’Good post
LOL love this post,summoning captain planet XD. Why have tattoo’s a scar is the same thing a mark forever.
I had this coworker who decided to get the chinese characters off of google translator. I kid you not. He didn’t even do the research to make sure that that It was correct or anything. He just inked it on.
I just have to say that the tramp stamp of your own name is not to remind YOU of your name, it’s to let the random guy behind you doing who knows what to you know what he’s supposed to call you besides slut
sooo true and funny!
What if you have no short term memory and you need really really permanent ink in order to remember?? You should watch Momento. :]
How did I miss this post? @grammarboy – A guy went to jail for that. The thing is, the people he tattooed with the words slut, whore etc. didn’t even find out what he did until months later when Asian people would laugh at them.
@mycontinuity – Hahaha, I was just kidding, but I’m not surprised that someone would actually do that. I’m not sure whether that’s more sad or hilarious, but I’m siding with the latter at the moment.
@grammarboy – Read about it and decide for yourself: http://soufoaklin.blogspot.com/2002/09/disgruntled-asian-tattoo-artist-inks.html
@mycontinuity – I don’t know… It was very wrong but still funny. I hope those poor people with the tattoos learned a lesson about researching before getting tattoos and that they can laugh about it as well.
Tribal tattoos. wtf.
Ha ha….those crazy wacktoo people trying to summon Captain Planet with wind, fire, and heart………Don’t they know that the Captain won’t appear unless they also have earth and water!!!???!!!Sheesh….what a bunch of wacktoo noobs!
@mycontinuity – That write on the tattoo guy was funny, but it turns out to be a hoax:http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/roundup.asp
Hahahaa…this is so hilarious. I’ve always wondered about the people getting tattoos of their own names. WHY?!!!! They should opt for a name tag instead.
A guy with a tattoo of a glaringly naked woman with the tattoo placed somewhere obvious, like the forearm or neck.
I LOLd. /sigh. In other news, someone is hammering something in a nearby apartment. Thanks for another great post. 🙂
hahaha!
Oh man, I used to have an intern in my office who had her own name tattooed on the back of her hand between her thumb and index finger. I did not get that.
butterflies and stuff
Tribal arm band or bicep barbed wire.
tatto of logos. like cereal, video game, or cars… or nike.
tattoos on the face. ORtattoos that use to be those thin bands around the arm but are now picket fences after you stopped being healthy.
Any Tribal Armband is a wacktoo.
A sultry lady on the biceps is definitely a wacktoo, especially if the whacko actually whacks over it,