I’ve never been a big fan of Halloween. When I was a child, October 31st was the day mean-spirited grown-ups passed out mini candy bars laced with rat poison or dirty needles. Now that I’m an adult, Halloween has become the day when random children come around and demand that I give them free candy, or else suffer the consequences of having eggs hurled at my windows. Hello! That’s what those evil kids really mean when they say “trick or treat.”
For some reason, however, I’ve decided to put my anti-Halloween attitude on hold and will put on a costume. And it’s not going to be a skanky costume either, because only skanks wear that crap. How does that make any sense anyway? I thought the purpose of wearing a costume was so you could be someone other than yourself for a day. But skanks dress up as skanks. Ooh, you’re a modern-day ho dressed up as a medieval ho—that’s clever.
I’m going to cut the skanks some slack this year though. Times are tough, you know, and most of us have to think twice before we put down money on a Halloween costume we might never wear again. Skanks, however, can wear their outfits all year long because that’s basically how they dress anyway. I guess there is a second way for them to come out on top!
What was I talking about again? Oh right, my Halloween costume. As I said, I’m thinking about dressing up this year, but I’m having a difficult time trying to decide what I want to dress up as. I have cut the list down to three choices, and that’s as far as I got before my indecisive nature kicked in. Since I’m posting this as a blog, I obviously would like your input on which costume I should go with.
I. Ovulating Rabbit
II. Fierce Dental Hygienist
Note: there will be lots of body glitter–I just didn’t draw it in the picture because the glitter looked more like a bukkake disaster.
III. Satan’s Creepy, Gift-Giving, Child-Loving Uncle
It’s Decision ’09! Which costume should I wear?
absolutangel64 
I’m kind of partial to the ovulating rabbit
I’m liking the ovulating rabbit, too, haha!
Number 3, it’ll be warm.
that’s so true about the skanks being skanks and saving money. I hate buying shit for just 1 occasion so I’ll usually just whip up something from my closet. so year after year, I’m usually some variation of whore. One day, when I get some more money, I might invest in a costume with some fabric. Number II looks kind of scandalous so I’d go with number I, as long as it’s really a full rabbit suit.
how about a female take on the devil?
I heard an interesting factoid yesterday that all the “fear” associated with contaminated Halloween candy has been grossly overdone with no known cases of a stranger doing anything nefarious with the goodies. It went on to say all tampering have been inside jobs by family members/relatives- sometimes by accident, sometimes intentional. In order of sexiness- Hygienist – Rabbit – SantaIn order or creepiness- Santa, Rabbit, HygienistIn order of “LOL” factor – Rabbit – Santa – HygienistWhere’s the “lil devil” outfit….for we know that’s a good fit for you? ;-P
Go bunny! My team just won our costume contest at work. We dressed up as judges in powdered wigs and did the Soulja Boy dance.
*throws eggs at house*
Santa. Scare the kids away. And take all their candies!
Definately the fierce dental hygienist, but I’d want to see Real Digital Photos of you, because the body glitter makes my heart go all a-twitter :p
Fierce dental hygienist!
Fierce Dental Hygienist.Make the kids feel bad about eating so much candy. O<
menstrating bunny
The Rabbit, but why are all 3 so evil?
french maid
Orrrrr, you can dress up like an angel… but say you’re a “maxipad with wings.”
can i suggest you invent your own superhero?be chocolate-from-every-orifice woman
I think u should be an angel too! Live up to ur name!
LOLLL 3
dental hygienist … root canals… now that is scary
Ovulating Rabbit. It’s unique. ;P
toothfairyunless the rabbit really lays eggs, then rabbit ftw
The rabbit!
If you were the bunny you could also say, “tricks/trix are for kids”…O_o yay for bad puns -_-‘
Skanks WILL be skanks… that’s what i’ll say.the santa!! that’ll be totally halloweeny and completely freaky. x] however, Rabbit-Absolutangle seems good too. Do you have a felt rabbit costume or what?
you know what, you scare off kids from banging on the door and demanding candy, you should post up a sign saying how BAD sweets are to your body and the percentage of obese children in america… oh, heck, pitch in that almost 24billion people in usa has diabetes, which is like 7.8% of the population!!! D:>”
I think the poison/needles/razors in candy thing only actually happened about once in the last 30 years, and someone from the kid’s own family did it. (that fact was in Bowling For Columbine if I’m not mistaken)It’s important I fact-check all humor posts.
Mhahahahaha!!! This Santa made me laugh a lot!!! you made all the positive holiday characters to be evil!! lol! clever! well, we never think of them to be so that is why i applaude to this idea. everything has two sides!
Santa!
Ovulating rabbit.
Hahaha! I vote for the ovulating rabbit.
Wabbit!
The idea about razors and needles and drugs and poison in Halloween candy is an urban myth. There has only been one case of poison candy and it was by the child’s OWN FAMILY MEMBER, go figure.
dental constume looks skanky
agree to the aove comment – you made all the positive holiday characters to be evil!! lol! clever! well, we never think of them to be so that is why i applaude to this idea. everything has two sides! And you are lucky to notice thatthanks
Awesomeness, haha so true about the skanks, some of them just wear what they usually wear and add either devil horns or animal ears and call it an outfit.
ahaha, thanks for positiveand the winner is…. RABBIT
interesting
which one did you go with??
I wish I had seen this earlier. I concur with your assessment of skanks, by the way. they really do not need to dress up. And seeing that times are difficult, they probably cannot afford new skank clothing…oh I meant a costume.Why does spell check regard the word skank as misspelled?Anyhow…I liked the Satan Claus outfit, but again it is too late now. I’ll have to see if you posted pictures.Hope you had fun no matter what you chose