I guess “soon” means “2 days later”–at least it does in this case.
As I said in my previous post, I managed to find time in between studying to do other things, like going to the little gym in my apartment complex. My workouts are pretty mundane–I’m usually on the stationary bike and playing a game on my PSP or Nintendo DS for about 30 minutes. It probably isn’t the most effective exercise routine, and really, I’m only doing it to trick myself into believing I’m working out when in reality I’m just there to play video games.
Anyway, on one such break, I had gone to the gym with my DS and a mission: I was going to score a gold medal on the “Vampire Bat” level of “Picross 3D.” I don’t know if you’ve ever played the game, but (warning: nerd talk ahead) you basically start out with a 3-dimensional cluster of boxes, and you have to knock certain ones away to create some kind of object. If you can do this without accidentally knocking out a box you shouldn’t have, and within a certain time limit, a little gold medal or something appears in the corner of the puzzle.
Up until this point, I had no trouble getting gold medals on any of the previous levels. Some puzzles took more than one attempt, but none required more than three. The freaking “Vampire Bat” level, however, was impossible for me to finish perfectly within the 5-minute time limit allotted for getting a gold medal. Try as I might, my results were always the same: sad-ass silver medals. And the more failed attempts I accumulated, the more obsessed I became with conquering a puzzle that had somehow become the bane of my existence.
But that day was going to be the day I put an end to my “Vampire Bat” misery. I was going to get a perfect score within 5 minutes–I could feel it.
There wasn’t anyone in the gym except for me and a woman who was doing yoga stretches. I sat at a stationary bike, prepared for war and ready to reclaim my honor.
I was only one minute into the level, and had already managed to get an outline of the bat’s shape. My confidence level was up, and I was feeling good…
But suddenly, this weird, creepiness showed up and ate up all my positive feelings. Was I mistaken, or was my Douchie Sense tingling?
I looked up and saw this standing right in front of me:
The woman doing yoga stretches was actually a man…a man with his hair in a bun, a creepy smile on his face, and an unmistakable Aura of Douchiness emanating from his pasty, creepy body. I have to be honest though: I don’t know if his pants were actually grey. I didn’t want to look because I was afraid of what I was going to see. Seriously, what kind of guy stands in front of a stranger with his hands on his hips? A guy who lets his penis hang out in public, that’s what.
I was really caught off-guard, and wasn’t quite sure what the proper response was supposed to be. Was he just admiring himself in the mirrors behind me? Was he a new resident who needed directions on how to get back to the complex? Was he just a creepy douche bag who liked to sneak up on random people, possibly while airing out his dong?
Only one way to find out:
And then he said:
What the f*ck? The guy started talking to me in Japanese! This was definitely not what I had expected from someone who clearly wasn’t Japanese.
Now, while I don’t speak the language, I took 2 years of Japanese class in high school, and had watched enough anime to understand a little of what the guy was asking–i.e., “Blah blah blah speak Japanese blah blah blah?” (Hey! High school was many years ago, okay? And I haven’t watched much anime lately!)
I wanted him and his creepy douchiness to just go away, so I said:
You’d think that would have been enough to end the conversation, but guess what? The guy didn’t go away; he instead started talking to me in English.
Oh, great! Well, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way–you’ll leave me alone, right? Of course not…
This guy ended up going through the entire map of Asia or something: “Mongolian? Ulan-ude? Kyrgystanian?”
I finally just told him the answer because he had started to become extremely annoying, and I wanted him to get the hell away so I could go back to playing “Picross 3D.” But he must have interpreted the situation differently because rather than leave, he went back to speaking Japanese.
Finally, after 5 minutes of this nonsense, he decided it was time to go back to his yoga stretches:
Bored?! You piece of sh*t! I had a DS in my hand, my earphones on, and I was semi-exercising on a stationary bike! I wasn’t bored! I was busy!
As if it weren’t bad enough that this creepy douche bag wasted my time, I also failed to get the gold medal again because I hadn’t put the game on pause. I never did achieve my goal–ended up sending the game back to Gamefly because it was so tainted by the guy’s Aura of Douchiness that I no longer found it entertaining.
absolutangel64 
play games in the privacy of ur home!
LOL… But now u have me curious. he went through the entire map of asia and couldn’t guess what you were? its gotta be something cool
I glad you didn’t draw in detail his pants region.
Hahaha… hilarious. What kind of a guy wears his hair in a bun, anyway?
LOL, I would have just told him to leave me alone. But then again, I’m rude… xD
he was trying to hit on u
LOL!
so wait, what are you? Besides awesome I mean.
Mongorians are hott 🙂
I would have pretended I didn’t hear him. LOL.
lol poor girl, a guy with his hair in a bun so weird…don’t be so hard on yourself it’s okay to be a nerd
Thats so ingenius, playing video games while working out, I gotta try that some time….except the last portable video game I rocked was the OG Gameboy when I was like 7, lol. Personally I fuckin hate it when I have to talk to people when/in the middle of a work out, usually you get “in the zone” and you just dont go to the gym to socialize and shiet even if you know them. Thats why we have bars right?? Anyway, hope you dont catch anymore trouble from the weirdo but it kinda sucks that its probably a small ass gym and it wouldnt be hard for him to figure out around what time you usually go there…..Im sure you could probably figure out some clever way to get him to keep his distance ;)btw, I dont wanna bother you but just off the top of your head, do you happen to know how to file a motion to get dismissed from a lawsuit? Just trying to figure out if this “requires” hiring an attorney or something I can handle myself.
He sure has a warped version of reality :3
I loved the hair bun part LOL
you are so awsome!
Nothing says “douchebag” better than a guy with a bun, doing yoga, and speaking Japanese.Hope you beat the game soon!!
You should just have ignored him! As a creep magnet it’s always worked for me 🙂
i love your pictures and drawings!
hilarious!
Douche sense tingling mayor lol. Darn douche stole time the game gods have defiled your gold star victory.
You know… I thought I was the ONLY person who played Nintendo DS on the exercise bike!! Man, that guy sounded like a complete tool.
nice pictures…what a douche!
What a jerk! Gah.
LOL
LOL!! that’s would have been funny to see. your drawings were cute too.
On the behalf of national league of Douche bags, I apologize this guy was clearly not in compliance with DB regulations. I will report back and make sure he is placed on timeout. Yoga, Japanese huh! Every douche knows that the douche bag code of ethics & conduct clearly states that in workout situation you move from floor stretches to the Pseudo aikido simulation, then you fake the pass out, when said female of interest comes to your rescue, that’s when you turn on the power of the douche. YEAH BABY YEAH!
haha wow, uber creepy!!!
You should of spoken to him in douche bag. With all your encounters you would have had to have pick up some of the language by now.
Omg I saw that happen before! Except it wasn’t a douche, it was worse, my step mom who thought my few lessons that I gave her would take her through an entire conversation lulz
you wear a dress to workout on the stationary bike?
THANKS for introducing this game to me..i’ve been playing nonstop for 2.5hrs.. UGH!!
There are A LOT of guys like that in LA. I’m afraid this won’t be your only encounter.
hey, it’s ok if you’re Mongolian. you can specialize in representing Mongolians in the US. i’m sure they’re an underserved market.
You should’ve totally played the “Why are you speaking to me in Japanese!? That’s sooooo racist!!!” card.
First… I love the expressions in the eyes. They can tell the entire story by themselves!I wouldn’t call this guy a douchebag. Dbags are frat bros who ice each other in business parking lots (yes, I’m guilty). This guy… is classic nerd. He is a creepy nerd who probably watched too much VH1 “The Pick Up Artist” and wants to learn Japanese so he can appreciate his vast anime collection better. CLASSIC NERD. I see them all the time and the best way to shoo them away is to say with a condescending linger:”… Beat it nerrrrd.”Works every time 😉
ewwwwwwww. there’s nothing more rude/annoying than creepy people yelling random asian words at you. even though i understand chinese, i sometimes pretend i don’t just so i don’t encourage that kind of disgusting behavior!
This is typical white/latino/middle eastern/black M.O. of picking up asian girls. Since all asians are alike*( sarcasm)Goes to show you asians in general are still “foreginer” type whom seem like can never be consider as american. Looking and watching american and western media says it all