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This is insane. Do you remember that story I told you about how my ex-boyfriend called me up one day because he was having problems with his girlfriend? He said he was calling all his exes to find out what we didn’t like about him back when we dated him, but then got really mad when I gave him an answer–remember that one? Yeah well, I can’t believe I’m saying this but there is actually a part 2 to the story now. A freaking part 2! To keep things simple, I’m going to call the ex-boyfriend “Mr. X.” I originally wanted to go with “Mr. Ex Who Regularly Commits Felony Douche Baggery,” but I’m too lazy to type that out. Okay, so this past Tuesday I was really busy playing “Rune Factory Frontier” when my game was rudely interrupted by a phone call.
Silence.
More silence. I decided to hang up because it was obvious that this was just another telemarketer trying to shill me some crap. Those calls always start out with long silences before a robotic voice comes on and starts telling me that I need to take advantage of some debt refinancing services right away or else the devil is going to take my soul and make me watch Nicolas Cage movies for the rest of my afterlife. Nooooo! But just as I was about to hang up, the caller decided to start talking:
Huh? Mr. X? Why was this girl asking me about him? Oh! Mr. X must have finally gotten arrested for all the felonious douche baggery he had done, and this person was an investigator who was building a case against him! Okay, that probably wasn’t why she called, but it didn’t matter to me. What did matter, however, was that she was taking up my valuable playing time! I had a lot of farming and rune stuff to do, and chatting with this person was putting me behind schedule. So I answered this chick’s question in hopes that it would be the end of the phone call. That turned out to be a mistake.
I wasn’t sure if I’d heard her correctly: did she just accuse me of f*cking Mr. X?
OMG! She did!
You know, someone should tell her that wrongfully accusing others is not the way to avoid starting drama… It quickly became apparent that whomever this girl–this “Miss Rotted Crotch” hag bag–was trying to reach, it definitely wasn’t me.
I’m guessing Rotted Crotch had Mr. X’s cell phone records or something in front of her. That was probably how she got my phone number, and was able to tell me exactly when Mr. X had called. While I like a good drama as much as anyone else, I prefer to watch mine on television. I did not want any part in what was clearly a very messy (and diseased) lovers’ quarrel.
“The other girl I called before”? This chick was insane!
…Insane and retarded.
Hooray! I had finally won my freedom!
Nooooooooo!
Oops…I accidentally said that outloud.
A word of advice to those of you who are considering Rotted Crotch’s tactics: don’t do it. Hello! You’re lying about having a venereal disease! Most people lie and say they’re clean when they’re actually not, so when you later decide to let everyone in on the joke–i.e., that you really don’t have an STD–no one is going to believe you. Instead, they’re all thinking that you’re lying about lying.
OMG…this girl was unbelievable. It was bad enough that she had interrupted my “Rune Factory Frontier” time to yell at me, but now that we had gotten everything cleared up, she was asking me for relationship advice?! She didn’t have herpes–she had syphilis! Since I’d already spent so much time with her, I decided to just use up a little more to answer her question. What would I do if I were her, huh? Hmm…I’d probably throw myself in front of a train…or lie in the pathway of some stampeding elephants. You know, something that would obliterate my pathetic existence from the face of the planet. I ended up not giving her an answer…not a straight one anyway.
AAAAAAAAAARGH!
Insane and retarded…definitely. P.S. The pick-up line I made up in the previous post was the second one. Thanks for playing!
Posted 1/15/2011 at 3:31 PM
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I bet she’s super embarrassed, lol. Of course one must also inquire as to the level of sanity one has for spending so much time on the phone engaging the “insane/retarded” woman. |
absolutangel64 
Hee hee hee!
I’m so sorry that the idiot wasted your time, but thanks for sharing!! I was laughing so much (as something similar has happened to me before) I don’t think I need to work out today.
right around “Sorry I called” is when you should have hung up immediately… doesn’t pay to be polite to these crazies you know?
haha wow, i’m speechless. i’m embarassed for her.
BAHAHAHAHA
I bet she’s super embarrassed, lol.
Sounds like they’re perfect for each other. Just hope they get a VD they prevents them from having children.
love can potentially make us do stupid things…but she was also flat out pyscho lol
I love how you present these. So very funny and sadly very common experiences. LOL
Of course one must also inquire as to the level of sanity one has for spending so much time on the phone engaging the “insane/retarded” woman.
season of the witch!
OMG. The girl is insane!
wow she’s crazy. but that was interesting to read.. and i love rune factory, fun game!
your blog is always amusing! (:at least things got cleared up now yay! hopefully no more phone calls about mr. x!
That’d be funny if she found your blog.
For some reason, your timing of hanging up is just the perfect icing on the cake.
I guess every shoes has it’s match.
hahahaahahahha!~ i like the little wii remote you drew. pretty legit. where is the cat that is always running around this time. dang how old are u and how many crazy girls are there at this age
Your stories are always so hilarious! Although I’m sure they were frustrating for you at the time. I love how someone is constantly interrupting you when you’re playing on the DS. Is that new Rune Factory good?
haha very cool wii-mote. LOL @”Well you do have herpes” hahahahaha =D
………………..what a dumb………………….. bitch………….. -_-;;;;;;;;;;
I hear the worst pick-up line ever on a local radio commercial:Hey baby, you’re like a parking ticket, you got FINE written all over you.
It was me. Mr. X is cheating with me and she THINKS she’s only kidding about the herpes. mwahahahaha
great post!
LOL
This is hilarious. It occurred to me that your first guess, “Mr. X must have finally gotten arrested for all the felonious douche baggery he had done, and this person was an investigator who was building a case against him!,” was pretty close to the mark.
She’s…. she’s crazy! But it was definitely an interesting story nonetheless
something like that happened to me before.. but not as extrememy ex’s gf called me around 3 months after we stopped dating and asked me if i was talking to him or seeing him. after i said no, she proceeded to ask me when was the last time i spoke to him and if i saw him after they started dating. when i said i didnt know when they started dating, she had the guts to say “um.. a few months ago? just when you guys broke up? or some time before you guys broke up?” fking crazy bitch felt no shame in that. and then asked me to call her to let her know if he ever finds me. some people are crazy and have no self respect.
LOL! That’s unbelievable!
this is too funny! i love the last pic
everyone seems to be alive still in xanga.. 🙂 hehe .. good one!! 😀
You’re hilarious.
So hilarious! You write great comics. 🙂
She and he both sound like winners. Yeah….winners…….
Relaxing in the comfort of my abode, I started browsing the net for wholesale Replica Rolex and finally found some designer replica Rolex watches that dad might be interested in. I know how much quality Rolex watches cost and also know that dad would never accept one of them from me.
Oh my goodness. That is freaking insane! ♥
wow that was bad. i hated when that happened. i remember when i was 19, a 15 year old girl came up to me screaming bloody hell about me needing to stay away from her boyfriend. honestly i had no idea who the hell her boyfriend was. i was like okay. sure.. then suddenly i found myself all beaten up, watching those fists flying into my face, my hair being pulled and tugged by her, her knees coming up at my nose, blood flying all over the place.later, she came out with her boyfriend and i was still holding my bloody nose. O.o “THAT is your boyfriend!!? i dont even KNOW him!! never met him before!”ugh.
These two deserve each other. Stupid is as stupid does. Next time just do as you would to a telemarketer and hang up on them in mid-sentence. You don’t need to give them more of your time. As you said, asking total strangers for advice sums it up. And, I was right about your pick up line! I enjoyed the game.
It was awfully nice of you to listen to her ramble on like that. I would’ve just said: “Break up with him, you fool! Have some self respect, for Pete’s sake!” and then hung up.
You should have told her to dump him. Heartless! And hey hey, Nickolas Cage has at least one good movie: National Treasure 1/2. Come on now
These remind me of Cyanide and Happiness.they’re good, though.
This is all sorts of awesome. Hilarious!